Fair Fighting Rules: How to Argue Safely in a Relationship

Fair Fighting Rules tell us what's OK, and what's crossing the line, in an argument. They don't tell us not to disagree -- they tell us how to disagree without damaging a relationship. Couples can use this information to turn down explosive arguments, and focus on fixing problems.

Download a printable version of this information for use in therapy sessions here:

[jerells]

I feel like there should also be something in here about the use of sarcasm during an argument.

[reallymargarita]

thank you so much for your worksheets!! they are amazing and such great help.

[bkynrose]

1. Ask why your upset?
2. Discuss one issue at a time.
3. Degrading language never ok.
4 express your feeling using words and take responsibility for your feelings.
Ie, i felt worry when you blank
5. Always take turn speaking use a timer if nec before speaking make show you understand what they other person said 1st b4 reply

6. Stonewalling
7. Yelling
8. Time out if this getting too heated. Take 15 mins break n then rejoin the topic
9. Reach a comprise

[cynthiazungu]

Thanks so much, will try using these rules

[since-july]

I feel *sleepy* when *you're talking* Just kidding, great advice

[taylorbailey]

He has some very white teeth. On a serious note, good video. Especially the taking turns part. I hope I can remember this in the future.

[mycroft]

Excellent discussion, well presented... Thanks

[n.w.aicecube]

I notice myself becoming passive agressive during a fight. How could I try to unlearn it, it made me feels bad about myself

[tyanaz]

Can you upload more videos please. Thank you

[shalinsandhu]

How if only one person is trying so hard to be seen and heard but the partner is listening to react and reply and not response so I feel heard? 😢
I’m so exhausted, because my partner know I am the only one trying, and he is kind of Ohw u wanted to safe the relationship, n promise me and now u not listening to me? But all these after he failed to give assurance.

[mrskch]

Does any other OCD person out there really want a 10th rule?

[godessofthemoon]

How come
Therapist and
The rapist are spelled the same?
Was it intentioal?
Does it bother you a little?

[Reckless_Shinobi]

He said their whole history I’m dead 😂😂😂 it’s true tho 👍🏾

[MetalHead]

If she is a narcissist, all of this goes out the window, unfortunately

[xjeepfx]

They I do not unders because you alreadys knows what the it is.And this is sherry"s Lynn's jacksons problems witches.