Dating Over 50: Do Women REALLY Want a Vulnerable Man? What Women ACTUALLY Want in a Man!

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Do women really want men to be vulnerable? Many women say they want a vulnerable man who shares his feelings, but is that really true? Depends! Motivational Coach and Communications Expert Joni Caldwell Lerner explains what vulnerability really means, and HOW women actually want men to be vulnerable!

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Men in their golden years don't want to have to work that hard, to try to figure out if they are being too masculine or too vulnerable. They want to be accepted, or not, for who they are.

andrewbird
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Interesting topic and yes confusing to us guys....what I've learned just be who you are and there's some lady out there that will like what they see....

eddy
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You absolutely have to deal with your emotions if you want to grow as a person. It's part of the Art of Letting Go. Meaningful relationships required vulnerability. And in my opinion connecting is foreplay where nothing dries up.

mypov
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I always stop and ask "what's my motive" before I share something, it did take me a long time to figure that one out though.

The women I have attracted tend to be the ones who like the vulnerability. There is also a difference between being a needy panty waste whinner and showing your authentic self. If I can't be myself and share who I really am, than we're not a match, I'm not going to act differently to please someone and I don't want them to act either.

My significant and I just had the major talk about moving to the next level (I.E. marriage, co-habitation and the like) and I told her everything I was thinking and feeling; from losing freedom, to what I want and why, to what a long term commitment means to me along with all of the things I would like to work towards in having a deeply loving relationship. I was a bit nervous when I was done, then she just looked at me and said, what the F&*k planet are you from? I asked her if I said something wrong? She said, no, not at all, I love it, I just never thought I would hear a man say it. You just articulated everything I was feeling and didn't have the words for.

So yeah, there is a lid for every pot. Thanks for the episode.

grotto
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I want a man who can take care of himself (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially) not because that tells me that he can take care of me, but because it means I am not expected to take care of him.

bridgetlehane
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The behavioral answer is a resounding NO to vulnerability. Any time a man is vulnerable, it becomes a means for weaponization at a later time. While women expect men to be emotionally available all the time for them and be their emotional punching bag.

DougHardy
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Thank you Joni for the Brene Brown talk reference!! Brene Brown talk: "They were willing (men) to let go of who they thought they should be for who they are." Her quote hit at the core of who I am, I'm not 6'2", I'm not an alpha dog, I don't drive a Ferrari and my retirement income is good, not great....but I've never had a problem getting a first date with a woman that's available (and sometimes not available....oops!) because I show up being honest and who I really am.

Thank you again Joni...

eddy
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Silke! Silke! Silke! You should have over a 100k subscribers!! You, your guests, and topics are the bestest!

plzhd
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Yeah it is a confusing issue as we do tend to want it both ways, be vulnerable in some situations and not in others will confuse the heck out of anyone. I like the definition of being authentic and add to that maturity and self-confidence to fall apart sometimes but not expect everyone to pick up the pieces and patch you together and other times to get your shit together and deal with stuff.

Wildevis
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Oh my goodness the vagina line just cracked me up😂...so funny! I also love a manly man! I think as I'm getting older 60 yrs young...I do love when my man can open up to me at times. We aren't mind readers if there's something bothering him and he may need to share with me. As you get older it seems we just communicate much better . Love like you said small doses and balance. I love your channel and the content ! Thanks

susansmith
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Thanks Silke, & Joni. I enjoyed this episode.

joerockhead
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My experience and experience of men I know report that women are turned off by vulnerable sensitive men. Most of us have had women hold our vulnerability against us when the going gets tough.

Richie-Rich
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We just can't cookie cutter others or ourselves. If we're attracted to someone, start asking questions. Time gives us all the answers we need about our partner & about ourselves.

wendyh.
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Can he move the furniture? Can he give a hug when I'm down? These matter to me.

lionheart
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The tough hard shell veneer is in reality thin fragile and easily fractured even if it is not immediately apparent .Support is always essential at least in the background ....and that works both ways as well. Partnership is the most important word and being on the same wavelength. .

richardhintonracing
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Those male questions to ask ourselves at the end were excellent. Best part of the video, as a man. Thanks for putting it together

irishseaswimmer
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Attraction works on two axes with women: what turns them on vs what makes them feel safe-and-connected.

The problem is that strength, masculinity, status and dominance turns women on. If you display these women will be drawn to you. But too much, and they start to feel anxious and unappreciated.

The other part of the problem is that “niceness” and vulnerability make women feel safe and connected. Traditionally women got this from interactions with a community of other women, but they now want this from a male spouse or partner.

However, they still emotionally/instinctively connect this with the feminine…so when offered more than sparingly it’s a turnoff. Leading to being friend zoned if your single…or a dead bedroom if you’re married.

The dilemma that men face is you’re walking a tightrope where there are no clear boundaries. Because where they are for each woman is DIFFERENT.

You don’t know how much is too much masculinity, and how much is too much vulnerability. Because in most cases SHE doesn’t know and can’t tell you….

…until you cross the line, and she reacts. Either by complaining that you are too distant and she feels ignored….or starts to lose respect and attraction, and starts acting out and actively disrespecting you. Worse still, she just loses interest in having sex with you….or cheats on you.

Because she sees you as weak or ineffective.

So it becomes like a certain game, only you don’t know how many bullets are actually IN the revolver.

I think women need to stop trying to get all their needs met by ONE person. He can’t be all you need all the time and in every way that you want at that time.

That’s not a man. That’s a superhero…and they don’t actually exist.

kellygreenii
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Coming from someone who’s all about Yin & Yang, masculine and feminine, I believe we ALL are born with qualities of both.
A lot of older generation, and some of the younger generation follow the footsteps of their parents: “my parents were cops, so I want to be a cop”, “my dad said men work and women stay in the kitchen”, but don’t take the time to look into the flaws of these statements. They don’t gain their own perspective of the world and how it operates and what truly works and what doesn’t. Finding a balance in everything, from yourself internally as well as externally, is key. There are a lot of boys and girls in 40+ year old bodies who are looking for parents instead of partners because they don’t wanna do the work to raise (grow up) themselves.

If you expect a woman to cook & clean, be your shoulder, take care of the kids etc, which is work, you best help clean them dishes that you’re eating off of. Or clean that toilet that you’re taking your daily dookie in, as well as be a shoulder for her to cry on. Don’t drain yourself for anyone who isn’t going to water you later. Do what works for both you and the person you love.

BlaqueRainbow
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Congrats Silke and Joni for having the cojones to approach this (volatile) topic at all! As a tail-end Boomer I was (or I think I was) programmed to be Where The Buck Stops, which in a nutshell means go ahead and ask for input if you wish ... but ultimately, it's up to you to make the decisions. If I choose to show vulnerability along the way (maybe the input was upsetting or touched me), that's my biz - but I think that individual women's tastes about it change during their lifetimes and mood swings. And, no doubt, to their fundamental feelings of attraction for the man - so not easy here to say that Tuesday's answer from her re your vulnerability will still be Friday's answer. Guys, pull out your moon charts 🌙 and just do your best ...

fhoeflich
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This is definitely a minefield, next level relationship stuff for men. Every woman will be different and when you reach the limit she will usually let you know but then you have to be self-aware enough to avoid that "mistake" again and hope you didn't just blow off your leg. Where you just crossed the line of no return into "no-man's" land and end up in the friend zone forever. Thanks you Silke and Joni for trying to help us men at least see the mines and hopefully avoid them.

stevehancock