Dating after 50: challenges and opportunities

In a much requested episode, I approach the landscape of dating after 50. After accepting the fact that everyone in this demographic has been wounded in some way, we can consider the challenge (and opportunity) of dating in this phase of life, namely: needlessness. Most people in this demographic aren't looking for marriage or kids or lifestyle. They don't need much from a prospective partner: just a genuine emotional connection. And I discuss how this is both good news and bad news.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #dating #divorce

[psychacks]

In a much requested episode, I approach the landscape of dating after 50. After accepting the fact that everyone in this demographic has been wounded in some way, we can consider the challenge (and opportunity) of dating in this phase of life, namely: needlessness. Most people in this demographic aren't looking for marriage or kids or lifestyle. They don't need much from a prospective partner: just a genuine emotional connection. And I discuss how this is both good news and bad news.

Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:


Social Media




Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #dating #divorce

[mikeo]

As I guy in my 50s, I can tell you that it doesn’t matter if a girl is young and broke or old and well off or better. They all expect you to pay for everything. In fact the older ones often want you to provide things for them that are greater than what they can get themselves (which can be pretty high already) and they won’t appreciate much. Younger girls will appreciate what you do for them more and have more realistic expectations. Also it feels good to spend $$ on a young broke girl vs a rich entitled one IMO.

[carolynbacon]

After 50, everything is in the open. The results reveal what someone values and prioritizes. You can tell at a glance if someone values health and fitness. You can look at their life and see how productive they are, how well they manage their money, the quality of their relationships, and if their experiences made them better or bitter. No guessing is required.

[thx]

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been seeing each other for a long time.

They finally decided it was time to get married. So before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked.

“I would like it infrequently, ” she replied.

The old man sat quietly for a moment, then leaned over towards her and whispered, “Is that one word or two?”

[stuartg]

I’m 60+ and have met a 55+ woman. I’ve never connected so strongly with anyone like the way we are connecting. Electrifying intense. I think when we’re young we are more in love focused on the other person. I think as I’ve matured, now it’s about the relationship that we can build. I’m very excited to be excited.

[dwightbrown]

At 56, the lack of a perceptible need for anything in a relationship is a BIG issue in why I do not feel any urge to be in one. It is a different feeling, not bad, I actually like it but that 'lack of need' makes the negatives of a relationship loom larger in ones mind.

[bobbrown]

Thanks for this. At 65 I have what you are talking about so it's a blessing to have it put into words so succinctly. We live in our own houses, have our own money, friends, families, etc.. We are basically just lovers, and very comfortable with that, who hook up twice a week and like to go out of town every so often for "honeymoons". Thanks again!

[zipperpillow]

In my mid 50's, after decades in several LTR's (never married), a similarly aged, divorcee moved into my neighborhood. We hit it off and spend mini-vacations at each other's houses. We each have our own stuff, no kids, no pets and the freedom to be who we want to be. We each enjoy our own space, but we each look forward to blocking out days at a time to get "re-aquainted" in each other's "spa get-away". We're in bed for days, then out getting exercise together, exploring the neighborhood outdoors. We've taken overseas trips together that were pure bliss to share, no competing agendas, no struggles about who is in charge. No one knows we have a "thing" together. We don't do "dinner with friends". "Our Time" is our time. It's a perfect fit. If we lived together full-time, it wouldn't be as much fun or as exciting. It keeps us both on our best behavior, and gives us enough of a break to stay in touch with our independent ourselves and interests. Not everything has to be shared all of the time. Let there be spaces in your togetherness. She helps me, and I help her. I like everything about the arrangement. My LTR's were always playing the long game, "pressuring to be building up to something" (marriage), but they would all have ended in divorce, which I have successfully prevented. Marriage is a romance killer. I'm sure there is some catchy term for our arrangement, but I couldn't like it more, no matter what others might call it.

[Primorkusha]

The fact that Social Secrets Mastery is such a well-kept secret says a lot about why so many struggle with dating—it’s all in the book.

[Jim-dlxm]

I’ve never been married. I’m 49. Sober 22 years. Sober life. There is nothing wrong with never having been married at 50. Actually, strangely, most people have always told me to never get married. Men and women.

[involuntarilycelebrate]

As a 52 year old woman who's has gone through menopause, I am so thankful that happened and that I no longer have a desire to date. It's giving me the freedom to start a multi-million dollar company.

[abelroman]

“Got injured, progress stopped, difficulties started and led to divorce after 20+ years. Recovered and rehabbed for 4 years. Went on a self improvement journey (physical, mental and spiritual). Discovered the red pill. I never had to use game in my days. I saw someone I like and invited her out. No gimmicks. Relearned how to date. And it’s still the same game. It’s not all that deep. Confidence is outmost. Back in the saddle at 50+ years old with a beautiful younger girlfriend. There is always hope for a restart and a brighter future.”

[dmbranco]

I’m 49 and I think this video is spot on. Finding that woman is like looking for a needle in a haystack, but it’s possible. After dating several women, younger and older, the main barrier to a relationship was always their aspirations for “features” in me rather than wanting to build a relationship (most notably extreme wealth, since I’m far from poor). Naturally, the man has also to be willing to let go of certain “features” (for example, extreme attraction) if what he really wants is to build a relationship and companionship. Migrating from an “achieving” mindset to a “enjoying life” mindset took me many years on a spiritual journey. It was only when I started stating clearly in my app profile that my goal was to find a spiritually connected woman who has overcome most of her material/3D needs, fears and anxieties and who’s willing to share an expanding, uplifting and joyful life, that that woman eventually appeared. It took a lot of time and discerning though… You gotta learn and be able to read people very well. Knowing yourself and doing the work to become that person for them as well is equally important.

[skymakai]

This is a really good topic and possibly could be your next book, because dating in middle/later life does not have nearly the same level of "transaction", if any at all. So, it becomes a matter of the invaluable things they offer each other.

[TonganJedi]

I think the comment about not needing anything from the other and just enjoying each others' company is a salient point. I'm 48. Do I need a girlfriend? No. Does the idea of spending some of my free time with a beautiful woman who brings happiness and joy (and sex) to my life appeal to me? You bet! But that comes with a load of responsibilities. Figuring out if the juice is worth the squeeze is the challenge.

[kylemacdougall]

I'm only 37, but I'm still listening to this episode...just because it's Orion Taraban!

[williambush]

as a 70 year old man, read your book, thought it was spot on for both men and women of any age. Great read.highly recommend it.

[jefffelton]

Well said Orion. As someone who is just shy of 50 and 5 years post divorce, I've had a hard time explaining to some of my younger male friends why I haven't bothered with dating up to this point. This video helps me frame my answer in a way they hopefully understand.

[kasiakwiatkowska]

Oh wow.. just reading through the comments comforts me, since it seems that i am not the only person who struggles with dating. I am 41 and still have hope. This video was truly thought provoking.

[BaiMengLing]

not yet 50 but close enough, I have my own house, my own money, my child, so I was exactly looking for a man in a similar situation that could provide me with real connection. I simply analyzed my lifestyle: what is it I value most in life? What is it I like doing over and over, and I found a man (50+) who is valuing the same things and enjoying spending his time like I do. I literally looked around me in my community to find the one (no apps needed) From there we are building a real connection.