Detrans: how I ruined my life

This video was hard to make, I've wanted to make this video for months but have been putting it off. So thank you, whoever you are, wherever you are for the time to listen to me.

[WearyWayfarer]

A small update one year on for those who care :)

[Highwizardd]

fellow detrans! thank you for sharing your story. ive been detrans for 1 year and im healing more and more everyday

[Beadledom]

The shame and regret is palpable. This video is 4 months old, with no other uploads.

I learned a long time ago a pivetable definition for depression: "the loss of, or inability to see, oneself in the future." This is what I feel from Maxx, a hopelessness where he can't picture himself in his own future anymore. I wish I could tell him ...well, lots of things... but mostly, that we all can see him in his future. And it's all worth it

I pray he is ok.

[SuperChristine]

Given time I believe your physical symptoms - fatigue, brain fog, sex drive - will improve. Your body needs time to reset, so don't despair. I love the forest/park setting you're in.

[elephantintheroom]

I'm a woman, and I was prescribed progesterone once. It made me feel so profoundly angry all the time that I would sprint down the road for a kilometre to work it off. After a few weeks I refused to take them, for fear of my almost homicidal moods, which went away when I stopped taking it. So I can relate to how profoundly hormone therapy can change your energy and moods. It's no light matter, taking hormones.

[JamesMadisonsSpiritAnimal]

Its going to be wild to see how this whole era is taught about in 30 years. I assume it will be covered like lobotomys were.

[sageandhemlock]

hey love, please don't feel like everything has ended. you will be okay. there are drops for extreme dry eye, and even surgery. it's going to be okay as long as you forgive yourself. and i don't mean that anything you did was wrong. i just mean that i see so much regret in your face, and i want you to know it's okay honey. it's alright. you're just a person trying to navigate life. we all are. please look after yourself. please keep your head up. i'm cheering you on my dear. much love.

[Blahblahblah-kw]

It's not ruined mate, you will adapt and can still have a fulfilling life, stay strong.

[noah]

im detrans as well, thank you for sharing. i was an AAP female who obsessed over yaoi, admired and idolized men, was a tomboyish girl, and didnt like how being treated like a girl in society felt.... i wish i wasnt funneled down this path :[

[Zrizzy]

You have a whole lot of life to live and time to recover Maxx. Thank you for sharing your story it will HELP save other people and prevent a lot of hurt and pain. Takes a lot of courage to share this story, so thank you!

[dreadpink]

I’m coming back to this video because I’m admitting that I am detrans myself. I’ve found confidence and happiness in just living as a femboy and reuniting with my male self. Being a boy is awesome and I’m so happy I rediscovered myself. Good luck to anyone else out there finding yourself, it feels amazing when you finally admit the truth

[Simone]

It’s not ruined, you are/will be helping a lot of people by speaking up. I pray you find peace.❤️

[Christine-tn]

By saying you are lovely, I was referring to your demeanour, your thoughtfulness, your courage and your spirit, soul, consciousness. You are the first person I have ever "hit the bell" for. I am a 60yr old woman and I am here to support you and witness your healing and strength.

[Lucky.mr.bluebird]

I am so sorry that hrt has caused you so much suffering. I truly hope that your health returns to you. You did not deserve this, no one does. Thank you for acknowledging those of us who transition helps, but you shouldn't have to bear the burden of that footnote. I believe medical transition should be a last resort... it is no small thing to upheave our body's chemistry.

I send to you immense love and support, though I know that isn't exactly helpful. Thank you for sharing your story, it may help to save someone the grief you are going through now. I hope sharing helped to lighten your load as well.

All the best to you

[haikuoflife]

Thanks for sharing your story, Maxx. I hope you find the loving support and healing you need.

[evelyna_paula]

A person's life can never be ruined. Your situation only creates opportunity to learn and impact the world, if you remain resilient whatever negative judgemental individuals may have to say.

[ChiliSSP]

Maxx, what a gentle and compassionate soul you are. Please use this channel to promote your healing soon. Take us with you on your hikes and adventures. I’m so sorry you fell victim to all of this, but your recovery can help others. I’ve subscribed and look forward seeing you recover and feel better and stronger than ever before, in every way.

[GlasUndMetall]

I subbed Maxx, because I want you to virtually take me rock climbing and hiking with you as you heal and find yourself. I ruined my body in another way because of my mind so I'll never, now, be able to do that. I'm old and physically incapable of rock climbing. So you take me, ok? I'll be waiting for you. <3 This life is beautiful, recovery is possible, keep fighting. I know it can be hard, I get tired too, but there are those glorious moments when you reach a pinnacle at something you love that makes the struggle to recover entirely worth it.

[recynd]

Your physical symptoms sound very similar to another detrans mtftm, “Isaac Uncooked” (YouTube channel). Eyes, joint paint, fatigue, brain fog, eating crap, insomnia, etc.

Fwiw, you’re an absolutely beautiful man—beautiful bones (jaw, mouth, build, etc.). Wear whatever you want as YOU, without medical intervention.

Love and support to you from another post-menopausal woman, this one from Southern CA. 💚

[Reet]

I'm glad you got off that path. I hope your medical issues can be resolved through good medical care and some medical advancements. And I hope you get back to doing the things that you love. Best of luck to you in all things.