The Real Reason No One Has Friends Anymore

Where Did All Our Friends Go?

If you feel like making friends has gotten harder than ever, you’re not alone. We’re in the midst of a full-blown friendship crisis. But why are we all so lonely, and is there anything we can do about it? Let’s find out in this Wisecrack Edition: Is Friendship… Over?

=== Watch More Episodes! ===

Written by Amanda Scherker
Researched by Corrigan Vaughan
Hosted by Michael Burns
Directed by Michael Luxemburg
Edited by Brian M Kim
Produced by Olivia Redden

Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound

#Friendship #Wisecrack

© 2022 Wisecrack / Omnia Media, Inc. / Enthusiast Gaming

[WisecrackEDU]

We asked this at the end of the video as well, but what are some ways that you all have found to make friends and find new communities as adults? What advice do you have for those seeking out new friends?

[steveconn]

Social media has dismantled all patience, time, reflection...really the abomination of the world.

[elihyland]

as a bartender of about 15 years I totally back this. People have no clue how to hang out. People got weird after COVID, but people also have gotten consistently weirder since smart phones…but people have always been weird. 🧟‍♂️🤷‍♀️💐

[luckydye]

I do notice that we need more community spaces in real life. Its really hard to find spaces to just meet people.

[robertgirau]

It’s amazing just how antisocial, social media is.

[VictorTyne]

I regularly host game nights in my own home, open to anyone, where I also cook and serve dinner for everyone. It's like pulling teeth just to get people to show up. You had the answer to your question in the first 5min of the video and then ignored it. We're lonely because nobody has any time or money anymore. We're being ground down between greedy corporations and rising costs of living. That's it, that's the answer. Every other explanation is just dancing around that truth.

[Blairskirock]

For me I just don't feel understood by people that call themselves my friends. I'm unconventional and people tend to only want to connect on the things they have in common. I for one enjoy coming to understand the differences between me and someone else and find that to be a learning opportunity, but people are so self absorbed that I'd rather just be alone.

[gingercat]

The hardest part for me is just the continuous reaching out that needs to be done to maintain a friendship when you don't see each other frequently. You really have to go out of your way to say to this person, I like you, let's be friends. It takes a lot of vulnerability. And then you have to keep calling or messaging them to maintain the friendship and hope they still want to be friends and you're not being annoying. And how often should you talk? There are a lot of variables.

[Lupine.]

I think that nowadays; more than ever; hardly anybody listens to one-another. They are usually just crafting/modulating sentences in their head, waiting for their turn to talk.
The more time you spend truly isolated, the more you start to view the concept of "dialogue" as just one person attempting to manipulate another.

[JazerMedia]

The other issue with building good friendships these days is that almost everyone I know is either struggling or hustling to build their lives to the point that they aren't miserable or burdened with financial stresses. You'll still find people that want to be your friend, but your worth to them is tied to your market value.

[miriams.]

My best way of making friends as an adult, has been local hobby and sport clubs, as well as volunteering. Other than that, it mainly boils down to being nice and approachable, even if it is sometimes annoying. Do I want to pop over to my elderly neighbour every time her TV or mobile acts up? No. Do I love being invited to every single one of her parties, where lots of other neighbours are delighted to meet me? Hell, yes! It’s more of a grind than a single quest.

However, it is a sad truth, that most friendships are very situational. I made brilliant friends at university, but most of the friendships slowly died as our life paths diverged. Usually friendships end in silence rather than with a bang. Often, there is just not a lot to talk about, as you realise that your friendship has never moved beyond the superficial and convenient.

Friends who you really click with and who will stay with you through thick and forth hin are incredibly rare. Finding one, is more valuable than gold and should be treated as such.

[brianstiles]

At 43 I was horribly depressed at my lack of friends to spend time with in person. My therapist recommended I get back into D&D (I grew up playing but hadn't played in almost 20 years). I've now had my "new" group of friends for six years!

[sidehustlevikki]

It’s so weird how ppl function now! Everyone complains about not having friends but at the same time ppl rarely come through when it’s time to hangout. Then I always find myself being the one to reach out to people which makes me feel unvalued so I’d rather be by myself than to be in one sided friendships.

[Gzilla]

Having a social life as an adult seems impossible. Most days, by the time my wife and I get home from work, shower, and eat dinner it's 9-9:30p. I'm exhausted and only have time for maybe an hour of TV or video games to relax before bed. Then on Saturdays we clean the house and have some us time on Sundays. I feel like we hardly have time to schedule medical appointments, much less do fun things for ourselves.

[evilbritishguy]

When I was 9 or 10 years old, some motivational speaker came to a primary school Assembly and, for some reason, asked if anyone could raise their hand if they had no friends. I don't think he expected me to be the only one to actually raise their hand. I remember him looking at me confused and asking "Really? You have no friends?"

"None." I told him.

I don't think he believed me or rather he just pretended this awkward exchange didn't just happen. He then asked everyone to raise their hand if they had at least one friend before proceeding to give his talk on the value of friendship and how everyone always has someone they can turn to and whatnot. Feeling quite ignored at the time, I can't say I remember much of this talk, especially since the sentiment of the message was lost on me.

That being said, I don't think I properly thought through what I was saying or doing as the ages of 9 or 10. See, when everyone was raising their hands, I remember someone quickly turning their head to look straight at me and whisper "I'm your friend". I recognised who it was and indeed it was someone I'd call a friend. Had I simply forgotten all about the few friends I had at school during this assembly? Not exactly.

Throughout much of my early school life, I felt lonely and friendless. Not because I was actually lonely or without friends but simply because of how everyone treated me. To be fair, I was an especially weird child at the time but even so, I think I would be more inclined to make friends or learn how if regular people weren't so horrible.

TL;DR: People can horrible to you growing up and so make you want to avoid them.

[dylanclark]

I pulled an Irish goodbye and signed off of Facebook and changed my cell number about a year ago. The only people I still interact with now are very near and dear to me. And it has really improved my mental health.

[mbfibia]

I like the idea that we just need to leave the phone away and we gain friendship ans meaningful relationships. But I feel more and more that even if you give yourself a break from the phone and social media, everyone around us is lookting at a screen every 5 or 10 minutes, therefore you will still feel isolated because of the behaviour of the others around you.

[atomicgator]

As a remote worker who can go an entire week without moving his car, I totally understand how difficult it is to maintain friendships. My current trick for developing my network is sign up for in-person MeetUp groups and force myself to leave the house. But even these have their limits. For example, most of the groups I join only meet once or twice a month. Or at times/locations that are just not feasible for me to make. So developing depth is darn near impossible.

[MikoyanGurevichMiG]

"Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness
But it's better than drinkin' alone"
- Billy Joel in Piano Man.

[wildhorsemusic]

I have lost most of my close friends I had from childhood after going through some really tough times. Has made me self reflect and wonder if they ever were my friends....