Small Talk Is A DEATH SENTENCE! (Why is Small Talk so difficult?) | Patron's Choice

Why is small talk so difficult?! Can you actually die of boredom? In this Patron's Choice video we explore the challenges of small talk why it's such a common social requirement, and couple of ways to inject some life back into what would otherwise be a painful situation.

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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[Mrs.Silversmith]

Things I hate about small talk: Not knowing how to start a conversation a new person, not knowing how to keep the conversation going, not knowing how to end the conversation when I'm done, not being able to tell if the other person is done, not knowing if the other person is being funny or serious, not knowing if the other person is actually interested or just being polite, trying to figure out if I'm giving too much information, and then of course wondering at the end of it all if I actually accomplished anything useful through all my floundering around.

[BliffleSplick]

"Small talk is Neurotypical stimming" made me see things completely differently, if it helps

[Sercil]

"How are you?" catches me off guard every single time. My brain goes "quick give him a short summary of how I am. I'm doing really bad right now. I worry about so many things... but I'm supposed to say 'good, how are you?'. But how can I say that? I feel bad! That would be a total lie!"

There is no response I can give that we both will be happy with. Because I still don't fully understand why people ask questions you're not meant to answer truthfully and why that is considered a friendly thing.

[euanelliott]

This is why I avoid parties.
The idea of standing in a room for three hours making small talk with people who are pretending to be friendly leaves me cold.
I call it orchestrated bullshit.

[SolvingTheMoneyProblem]

Agree, feels "fake", dishonest etc. 100% on the same page.

[cfcasey.guitars-ukuleles]

I once heard small talk described as “little sounds we make to let each other know we’re harmless”. Knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

[mynameforever]

I've noticed a look of shock/fear in strangers when I try to shift the conversation to something substantial,

[reyhaz]

For me, when ever someone tries small talk me, I get upset at first, then angry a bit later... Probably the reason is "why are you using up my energies for completely useless talk?!"

[davidhill]

I've sometimes watched people having utterly meaningless conversations where neither party listens, and both leave none the wiser, while imagining they met someone

[ianwallace]

I'm the type of person who will answer "not much" or "same as usual" when people ask what's going on. I think the reason is because over time I've come to believe that people aren't really interested in hearing about my life or the things I'm passionate about, so I've been sort of conditioned to give a boring answer. Maybe that's just my own issue and not related to autism. If it were up to me, conversations would allow me to really discover a person and what's interesting about them, and not be a mundane social dance.

[lindag]

I was smiling the whole time. Small talk makes me cringe. Thought I was the only odd ball. Good to hear we’re not alone

[aimeekova]

Whenever I’m in a situation where there is potential for small talk in my brain I am going “please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me” .... it is physically painful sometimes... “hi how are you” “good thanks how are you” “good...” now Just want the ground to swallow me whole!

[martingouws]

When I was a teenager I actually believed that the world was like The Matrix, and that most people were just scripted A.Is, and that I could tell the difference between them and real humans, because their programming was a bit mundane and fit into the program, and that humans were more diverse. I actually thought it was my job to round up all the real humans, so typically I used to walk around the school and look for other kids who sit alone, and reach out to them, and introduce them to my other loner friends that I found. Eventually we were a group of over 30 "weird kids", and anyone who felt like an outcast was free to join our group. It just goes to show, that if losers form a group together, they can be just as "cool" as the popular kids

[Dan_Chiron]

One thing I found out is that NT's feel connected just by the solely act of talking, not interchanging ideas, just sharing the words and some attention from the counterpart (which is nonsense to us).
Very related to that is that most NT's don't even listen until it's their turn to talk. I learned to be hypervigilant to other people's facial cues and can't help but immediately shut up when I find the other person threw a question to get me talking, but they aren't really interested in the answer.
In my country it is very common (even expected) to talk to strangers in the street, for example, if you're waiting on a line or something. Total torture! You get the label right away for not being able to participate in that script.

[MartKart]

The definition of small talk is irrelevant conversations.

[littlefish]

Small talk feels so disingenuous, even though I know it’s a necessary evil towards (hopefully) making meaningful connections with people. What I struggle with the most is how small talk leaves me feeling. I love engaging in big meaningful conversations with people, where the talk might start at one point then usually veer in several meandering directions about music, then life and the universe etc, because afterward I feel energised - whereas small talk leaves me feeling incredibly drained, and as if I’ve betrayed myself somehow. But I can’t help having fun with small talk sometimes (usually to gauge if the person I’m talking to has a sense of humour, and to test if they’re actually listening), by responding to the ubiquitous ‘what do you do?’ question with responses like, ‘I taste yoghurt for a living.’ 🤥

[scatterlienatalie]

The day I learnt "people like to talk about themselves" was a game changer 🤣. I also like to have exit strategies if the conversation isnt going anywhere, like "do you know where the bathroom is?" Or "I am going to go get a drink" and usually they have moved on to another person or group by the time I return.

[cristinaroe]

How right you are. I know people that can carry this on for hours without revealing one substantial thing about themselves or any other subject. How and why🙄?

[DitaDike]

You just told it Perfect! As Asperger women, mother, with Autism son, and Asperger best friend( men), we actually are happy, we fit together perfect. We talk aut things. We don't lie, we can manage our needs, time, hobbies and life. His lifestory is emotional abuse, and constant rejection. I helped him see that not all people gonna lie or left him just because he don't get thing done properly. If he mess up, i will tell what was hurting me, and why, and he will not do it agan, and now, he know's that i will not do things that hurt's him. I do believe in two people who want things work.

[hectorandem]

Small talk is like forcing yourself to be an NPC even though you're actually "player".
(See also: _The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion_ )