6 Steps to Stop People Pleasing and Start Doing What's Right For You

How to stop people pleasing and learn how to say no. It's time to put yourself first!

According to Dr. Susan Newman, people pleasers want everyone around them to be happy, and they will do whatever it takes to keep them that way. Dr. Newman said, “for some, saying ‘yes’ is a habit." For others it’s almost an addiction, it makes them feel like they need to be needed. This makes them feel important and like they are contributing to someone else’s life.

In this video, I am going to teach you a few communication techniques and tricks you can use to start saying “no" to others and “yes” to yourself.

In this video:
0:00 Intro
1:21 Step 1: Internal Validation
2:18 Step 2: Start With Small No's
2:46 Step 3: Give Yourself Time
3:47 Step 4: Know Your Goals
4:32 Step 5: Get Rid of Toxic People
4:57 Step 6: Stop Apologizing
5:15 I'm Rooting For You!

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People School is a 12 step video based training program designed to increase your interpersonal intelligence. People School focuses on the four core competencies of Business PQ:

• Empower Leaders and Managers
• Leverage Science-Backed Communication Tools
• Activate Effective Teamwork and Collaboration
• Improve Client Relations & Sales

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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.

My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.
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Vanessa Van Edwards is Lead Investigator at Science of People — where she unlocks the formulas and patterns behind human behavior for hundreds of thousands of students in over 200 countries. She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, available in 14 languages around the world. Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR, BBC, Fast Company and dozens more.
 
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[ScienceOfPeople]

Want more on how to stop people pleasing?

[theinspiredbeing]

Don't be afraid to lose people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.

[MB-nrxn]

1-internal validation ( do what makes you happy)
2-start with small no's
3-give yourself time
4-know your goals
5-get rid of toxic people
6-stop apologizing
You are welcome:)

[sardarpirhadi]

iam a pleaser and im recovering...its hard to stand up for yourself and dont be sorry for your existance but its worth it

[novababy]

Sometimes people pleasing is what keeps me having friends who just use me and treat me like I'm the bad friend

[m.taylor]

Sometimes when we say NO, we have to put up with their emotional apocalypse. People who cannot accept NO need to grow up.

[bradsgold]

Was told by a wise friend the other day that "NO" is a complete sentence when it comes to being a people pleaser.

[aarondesousa]

My problem isn't being able to say no. It's how to handle when people try to twist your arm to the point where they want you to change your mind with a guilt motif.

[teresapribilski]

Watching this reminds me how far I have come with my Disease to Please. "No" is a complete sentence and an excellent boundary. I realized that I was saying yes to everything. The first time I told someone "no" they looked at me like I had just lost my mind. I told them that I would say yes, then not do it and spend a lot of time feeling guilty and avoiding them because I didn't come through. So, it's easier just to say no. I've become quite the expert on the hard "No". It's freedom in a word.

[gideonamankwah]

I use to be a people pleaser but I realize that I had to live my life and do what makes me happy. I want to help others but I try not to try to please them because the more I please myself, I will have more freedom and less stress.

[LalienX]

I've been such a people pleaser for so long. I cringe so hard watching this.

[tashawakely]

I said no today.
And I have a rollercoaster of emotion because I don't even know who I am or what I want if it's not being needed....
This video helped me realize I need to find myself again.
Thank you.

[cinemalife]

Perfect ! if you don't stand up for you then no one else will

[sakuracardcaptor]

This video is hurting my insides. It's so TRUE.

[mindful_senses]

People in my life can’t take no for an answer! It makes it so much harder to start saying NO.

😑 Toxic 🙁

[applehun]

I started saying No and I felt so guilty, but hopefully it gets easier overtime:/ I want to put my needs first but I’m such in habit of not doing so. Thank you for this video!

[thestoryofo]

"Just say no" to all of those abusers around you, you are a valuable and unique human being who deserves respect from everyone...( This is hard to say in front of a mirror!!!.., my wife made me do this yesterday!)

[CEA]

Ultimately it's your life. You have to live with your decisions. Realize sometimes it isn't worth saying yes to every request made of you. Everyone wants something from you but you must do what's best for you not them. Even if they get disappointed. You are here to keep yourself happy and do whats best for u.

[missjade]

That "Let me get back to you" part was soooo helpful! I have hard times finding ways to find a neutral answer when asked for favors. Thank you!

[payno]

These are excellent tips, I was like this for years - and when i plucked up the courage to say 'no', I never felt any better.