Retroactive Jealousy and Overthinking - How to put an end to it!

Retroactive Jealousy OCD and Overthinking - How To Stop This Bad Habit!

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Overthinking causes so many problems in our world today. It's truly the reason why some people will never reach their full potential. In relation to Retroactive Jealousy, overthinking is the ultimate killer of you chances to ever overcome it. The more you think about your Retroactive Jealousy OCD thoughts... the worse they will become!

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Welcome back to another video on overcoming retroactive jealousy my name once again is Matt and in today's video we're gonna be talking about overthinking things and why overthinking causes retroactive jealousy causes you to keep going down that path but not only this but overthinking creates so much more negativity in your life and stress and anxiety in your life so it not just relates to retroactive jealousy but your whole life in general and so if you can understand this I think not only will it help you overcome retroactive jealousy but it will just help you live a better life in general so we think of the idea of thinking too much or overthinking things we tend to spiral out of control so in the case of us it's retroactive jealousy right so a thought comes up it doesn't sit well with us that makes us jealous that makes us feel angry that makes us feel a lot of emotion and so we tend to think about it more and more and more and more more and obviously we're doing this because we're trying to rationalize it we're trying to get back to feeling good as quick as possible but going through those motions again is what gives power to the thoughts and gives power to the retroactive jealousy and creates more problems in your life and so what if we were to just stop thinking just stop thinking period what would happen what would happen if we just went day by day just did our thing without having to completely analyze every single thing that happened in our lives and overthink / think / think / think and the truth is we would live a life that's stress-free anxiety 3 retroactive jealousy free and I guess that's the idea that I want to try to get at is the minute that I stopped overthinking things is the minute a lot of anxiety in my life went away and I'm not just talking about retroactive jealousy of course that's the key to getting rid of that is to not indulge in the thought not attached to the thought not explore the thought not overthink it if you stop overthinking you're a retroactive jealous situation it's gonna go away and that's the same thing in life same thing in business and things like that that's why a lot of people you know don't live the life they possibly can because of fear because they overthink situations instead of just taking action they overthink oh no I shouldn't do this oh I shouldn't do that oh it should be perfect oh it should be this way oh it should be that way and you know I'll relate to making these videos this is something that I've always wanted to do is make videos for you guys because I feel like when I was going through this and you know the few years ago that I was if I just had like someone telling me what I can do just face-to-face I would be able to overcome retro jealousy so much faster I wouldn't have suffered for for 13 years of my life and so I've always wanted to do this for you guys but again I start overthinking I start overthinking I start overthinking well know what if nobody watches I'll know what if nobody understands oh well what if this would if that and the problem all that overthinking is just flat-out lies it's flat-out fear it's flat-out just not real you just got to step forward and Trust the process trust yourself and take the action and so in my case like what did I do I started making videos and what happened people love them I get hundreds and hundreds of views I'm almost at like 400 subscribers and I just started posting video you know it's it's people are are getting better you know are really responding well....

[frankiemiller]

I thought I was alone... hating myself for the terrible thoughts I’ve obsessed over. I’m just glad to know I’m not alone and that there is a way out of this.

[marshalljrwilliams]

For everyone asking, “does it ever get any better?”. Yes it does. I’ve gone through it in two relationships now and crushed it successfully just recently. You have to dig yourself out of the hole, never engage in the compulsive behaviors, don’t explore any of the intrusive thoughts and remind yourself that your partner loves you and only wants you. A lot of people say that it’s not your partners responsibility to help you, but they can help, by spending quality time with you. It gets better, trust the process. It took about a month straight of not allowing myself to explore the thoughts but I finally won.

[brandonabad]

I’m struggling through this so much. I keep asking her questions and playing images in my mind. This is hell.

[Falizafeliana]

Sometimes i regret knowing so much about his past and wish i never asked..cus we’re 3 years in and those thoughts do come and go at certain times. Sometimes when i eat, i think about it and i suddenly have this stomach drop feeling that makes me not want to eat anymore lol, i never project it to him tho i just keep it to myself because if i do it wouldnt even solved anything as it already happened. So what i did was i literally let it process in me, everything he did, from a to z, i didnt get out of bed for 3 days, and let it process in me and after that i suddenly got better?? Like the thought process do come every now and then but i did what mark said, to just tell your brain to stop exploring and diving and indulge in it. I know everyone can do this! If i can then you do too ❤️

[rune]

I’ve been trough that path myself, it polluted my brain for several years. One of the keys to overcome this is to accept the thoughts for what it is. It is just thoughts. Thoughts are not dangerous! And most likely the scene you create in the brain is not the way things happened, because the images in the brain is something you have created by pure crazy imagination. Even more important is NOT to fight the thought, just let it drift away like clouds in the sky, just OBSERVE the thought, not judge it. It is impossible to think that you should not think on a specific thought, is is like saying " dont think about a pink bear" for 5 minutes. It is impossible, that pink bear wil reappear all the time, the same goes for intrusive thoughts and retrospective jealousy. Another important thing is that YOU own the thought, no one else. Even how much you ruminate about it, you will never come to a conclution that fits your desire. It will NOT help to ruminate about it, and never ever start to question your partner about details, that is a mistake that can destroy your relationship and your own life. Even how much you think about it, and ruminate about it, it will never help, you can not change the past, the only thing you can do is make a better future, and use your own knowledge to be a better person for your partner. It is a reason why you have come together.
For me it took about 2-3 years to overcome this anxiety (for that is probably what it is), but i’ve had it for 13 years or more before i understood what it was. I guess a combination of ocd and external events like someone cheating on you can start the cycle. This can possibly turn you into a "bailer" because you get seroius trust issues, ecpecially if you do that big mistake to start questioning your partner about past lovers and past mistakes. But really, think about it and take a look at yourself in the mirror before you judge others. Again, this issue is quite difficult, but you WILL get over it, but it takes a lot of work and it can take years to "heal". You are not a bad person if you have those thoughts, you are 100% human. If you have a partner, please tell him/her about it, but DO NOT ask questions about past lovers, even if it is tempting. Never do it! I can not stress that enough, because it WILL trigger gruesome thoughts that will keep you awake at night, it is a big pool of quick sand, trust me.

One important topic when it comes to this are triggers. Lots of things can trigger intrusive thoughts. Going to the shopping mall was a great obstacle for me, because it could trigger thoughts about past lovers. But remember to just observe the thought, not judge it. Because over time you will learn that that silly thougt is just a thought, not something dangerous that can harm you. It is something created by yourself and your vivid imagination. Even if that thought was "real", what could it possibly do? NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING! It is just a waste of time thinking about it, beacuse you can not change it. That thought is even nothing that can put labels on people, beacuse everybody does things that can be judged, but judging people is also something you should not do, because then again, you will start to ruminate about that as well. What you and your partner did in the past was something you did because that felt right at that moment, who could possibly think that you was supposed to meet later in life? You can not change the fact that you did live before you met your new girlfriend or boyfriend later in life.

[mlfitness]

To tell a over thinker not to think is like telling a obese person just don't eat.

[nadyssb]

Thanks... I really didn't know that it was called retroactive jealousy, I thought I was just being crazy.
I have issues with my boyfriends ex not the sexual part but emotional part. Thinking a lot about how in love he was with her, how she must have made him feel... Comparing myself and comparing our relationship.. Assuming things in my head. It's awful.

[raykay]

This ruined my marriage, I couldn't handle my wife's past. Absolutely kills me inside that I turned into a monster. I pray none else gets this it seriously isn't pleasant

[greenfringe]

As someone who suffers from retroactive jealousy, and obsessive thoughts and episodic depression in general, this is the BEST summary of how to train yourself to get back on course. It can be so scary not to explore the thoughts that come into your mind, but once you can it’s extraordinarily liberating.

[EmilyLovesMadison]

I’ve cried nonstop for years because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. It’s made me feel like the only way I could get rid of it is to be unconscious and sleep 24/7 or one day when I pass away. Nobody I have talked to can relate or understand they say I need to “grow up” or “get over it”. So glad I found your channel, thank you for what you do!

[paul_]

God retroactive jealousy makes me want to hurt myself every day so badly. Thank you so much for making this video it’s helping so much. I really hope I can get though this

[thorosmeer]

Guys, even reading the comments and other peoples experiences on this post is a therapy on its own, go right ahead 😊

[ajaychriston]

I just overcome her past over a night . I thought I was sick, but as the days goes on I felt it, I felt the difference between reality and our imagination . You changed my life Matt . Thanks

[elizabethhope]

Wow.... this came at the right time. This rj is brutal. Thank you for sharing this video.

[tommooney]

I really needed this video man. I love this girl but things that I know have happened in the past way before I even properly knew her just eat me up for some reason. I need to realise it’s my own ego and not have so much pride. Thanks Matt!

[paulovaldivieso]

Hi Matt I want to share my story, I just started a new relationship with this girl that I really really like, but since 3 months ago I started suffering of RJ. At first I didn't knew what I was feeling, I was getting crazy thinking in the past of my gf from little details she mentioned in some conversations we had. The thing is that I never felt this way with the other girls whom I dated before, so this is new for me. Doing research I recently realized that I was suffering from RJ, I had never heard of this condition before. In this process I found your channel and it's been a great help. I'm going to put in practice this advice, is really difficult sometimes to detached from this thoughts, is like you just get addicted to them and in the process make your RJ worse, like you get trapped in an infinite loop of negative thoughts and is mentally exhausting, I feel that I waste a lot of mental energy on this and end up drained. But now I'm focused and determined to get rid of this for the sake of my own wellness and my current and future relationships.

[penny]

I used to have retroactive jealousy and with time I was able to get over it. There is one simple cure go out there and hook up safely with people. A lot of people suffering with Retroactive jealously only get upset because they don’t have a good past. Go out there make good memories in a space way and then settle down.

[tylersouza.]

i dig myself in these holes and making it worse, looking through her phone to old pictures videos texts, and it destroys me, she is the greatest thing to ever happen to me and i feel like i’m ruining it by giving into what’s happened in her past

[sam]

Just lost the most wondering girlfriend of 2 years, 1 month ago. And now I came across this video and now I know about retroactive jealousy This makes things so clear. Unfortunately I’m so sad I have lost a one of a kind great relationship but I’m happy I’m able to clear my head and understand why my brain is doing what it is . Because I’ve been honestly lost for the last 2 years of my life
Thank you

[JoseMorales-dogy]

I guess this is what god and chistian people were talking about waiting till marriage or else we’ll be having problems with our relationships because of RJ