Dear Anxiety | Spoken Word

This Spoken Word project describes my personal battle with anxiety over the past couple years. There is always hope! My path has included seeing a counselor. I highly recommend it!

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Shout out to the film/editing director, James Logan for a job well done. You can hire him too:

Special thanks to Alec Johnson for his help with filming. And to my beautiful wife, Jocelyn, for standing by me through this journey and always.

Full Script:
Dear anxiety
You freaking lied to me 
You gave me reason after reason
why I should suffer quietly
as if I'm the only one in society
who has thoughts of this variety
and though in one moment everything's fine to me 
you came in like an IED inside of me and you weren't kind to me.

No you said I wouldn’t make it
That my mind just couldn't take it
Any shred of hope you said it was fake
It wouldn't last
and the joy would pass
or be overcast by the vast cloud of hopelessness

You took things to which you had no right
You stole my peace, my joy, my very appetite
The simple delights of life became a fight
You robbed me dry and at times it took all my might
Just to crack a smile in what felt like an endless night

You told me how to live my life 
How to interact with my wife
As if I’m standing at the edge of a knife
A helpless hostage held in a heist
Captive to this torture device 
Can’t turn to the left or to the right 
Because ONE wrong move and I might die 

Yeah you always played on those extremes
turned a whisper into a scream
one mistake could shatter my esteem
one detour could destroy my dreams
But I'm on to your sinister schemes
And I know things aren't always as they seem

You made me feel like a little child
Like a helpless kid released to the wild
Like all sense of safety had been defiled 
I felt like I was constantly on trial 
Constantly bottom of the pile 
Gave you an inch and you took a mile

You said I was always under pressure 
That I had to use perfection as my measure 
My head was a prison and there would be no pleasure 
My worries would never be wiped from the ledger 
I'd be scared and confused from now until forever 
I might as well give up and quit this endeavor

Well I'm done!
I’m done letting you be my master
Your “advice” only leads to disaster
You see, I’ve got plans and I can get there faster 
Without your last word being my pastor

I’m flipping the script to one of resilience 
I am an overcomer
I’m embracing the struggle in all of its brilliance
I am a fighter 
I’m taking fear captive for good and I’m killing it 
There's a chasm left by these thoughts and I'm filling it.
I'm uncovering the lie to reveal what it really is 
A dogma of deception that has enslaved the millions

So if you're someone out there writing this same letter
I want you to know that it does get better
Fear is not your pace setter
It doesn’t even matter whether
Or not you feel like you’ve ever 
Been severed from this tether 
Cause we can weather it together 

You see, you're not going under
In fact, despite the lightning and the thunder
On the other side there’s an even greater wonder
Your terror is being torn asunder 
Like the sunset after a storm
Peace will be your new norm

Life was never meant to be a ball and chain 
You were meant to have a dream to see freedom reign 
Your biggest battle can be your biggest gain 
There IS hope after the pain
There IS sunshine after the rain. 
Your experience is real and it is NOT is vain 

Because this is what it means to be human 
We find beauty in the ashes and glory in the ruins 
We have faith that there’s more than just what can be proven 
There’s hope in the airwaves you just gotta tune in 
There’s peace of mind through the storm of confusion 
There’s a world where fear is just an illusion 

And I know it may feel like you've lost the desire
To pick up the pieces and move on through the fire
You might think it's worthless to keep spinning your tires
But at the end of the day, fear is no more than a liar 
He's selling despair and wants you to be the buyer
But when you cling to hope, you’re actually going higher 

Peace is a Person

And you might feel weak, but let me tell you, God is stronger. 
He was there for you when you couldn't take it any longer. 
He cares for you when life is somber. 
He gave you a purpose. He’s such a loving father
He’ll go and find you no matter where you wander 
There’s not a challenge that you can’t conquer.
And the fact that you kept going when you could have been a goner
That, my friend, is your Medal of Honor

[raynpoetry]

Wow. Speachless. As someone who also has anxiety, this is so so relatable. 👏

[GenXforJoy-]

Out of everything that was at Kingdom Pursuit, I got so much out of the 5 minutes of your spoken word. Thank you for your courage. Thank you Jesus for his courage and creativity. I will wear my medal of honor.

[nancylarsh]

Thank you for your apples of gold in settings of silver! My husband recently lost his job of 25 years. We’re going through a rough time. Thank you!