How To Handle An Out Of Control Kid When They Don't Get Their Way

ADHD Dude provides parent training through the ADHD Dude Membership Site, in-person school-year programs, and summer camps. ADHD Dude is not gender-specific content.

𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗪𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗹𝗯𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘁, 𝗟𝗖𝗦𝗪, 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗-𝗖𝗖𝗦𝗣
Ryan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified School Social Worker, and father to a son with ADHD & learning differences. ADHD Dude is based in Tucson, Arizona.

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗗𝗛𝗗 𝗗𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆:
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ADHD Dude is for educational purposes. I am not serving in a clinical capacity and cannot provide clinical consultation or free advice through YouTube comments, email, etc.

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[TalyaT]

This is a tough one as I look at a hole in my wall.

[captaincrunch]

Thanks Ryan. My son multiple times has threatened to break things, I have said back “you won’t like what I break of yours then”. Probably the wrong comment but he usually doesn’t end up breaking what he’s threatening

[robertabratton]

I'm a former teacher of Emotionally Disturbed childen. I'm very thankful for your videos. My grandson is 8 years old and has been diagnosed w/ADHD. You have reaffirmed to me I was the right thing! I can't tell you how many times my time-out room was destroyed, and I kept on teaching. I'm no longer able to teach. Administration placed the students in regular classrooms. Sadly, the regular ed teachers have no training on how to bring out the best in these children. It, also, hurts the learning for regular ed students. Thank you, again, for your widom. BB

[Alwina]

I wish I had come across your channel 10 years ago .. I'm really happy you are putting out this information you're really helping people.

[shainazvelji]

How does one handle emotional /physical abuse against siblings ? Great advice but it feels like we’ve passed the point of no return.. so sad and distressing

[alexistap]

My son cries so loud… when he is upset… really really LOUD …

[szedecrem]

it took 2 minutes to agree with the methode, because I was just like: How on earth is this a good way to ignore the kid who is breaking off my house and nothing to say. And finally, my thoughts got confirmation at 2:01 ---- and let them pay for it! :D I will say it immediately as soon as he starts, that he will pay for it.

[Maggotzbranz]

Living with my younger sister has been hell and I really feel like my parents have given up

[bericagulbranson]

My son has done this&we have therapy &he has therapy yet never 1x was this recommended, but it makes complete sense! After an item is broken when does the consequence come? Directly after but in a calm voice? Thank you for this post--much appreciated.

[Ulliano]

Hello Ryan. I have just found your site, and it literally changed my whole opinion about my son's adhd. I have for a long time denied that he could have adhd, and that he would eventually come around.. But after watching your videos, I now see all that you talk about is how my son behaves and reacts. So thanks a million for turning a stubborn, slightly stupid father around :) But I do have a question concerning this video. My son often has a pre idea of how things should play out. For example, if I say good morning, he can get really angry and say: I wanted to say that first. Or if I say, : son, its time for homework, he will burst out in anger: I wanted to say that first. And this relates to a lot of things. But its not always about being first to say or do something, but doing something by and of himself...like he wants to show that he can do stuff himself...and we praise him every time, because it gives him self confidence, but we find it difficult because we never know which situation he will explode into anger or cry about these things. So I am wondering if this relates to what you're saying: Should we just accept this and let him control these situations or is there something we can do to get him to see that he does not have to be first or not get help, because this will be a problem if he acts like this among friends and in class (he does, but not as often, and as angry as at home.

[EMBL]

Looking up videos for advice because I can't handle my son lately. We started working with a psychologist and when he gets upset/disregulated I'm supposed to having him go to his calming corner where there's therapeutic tools. But lately his behavior is worse and he screams and yells and stomps and hits the walls. I told him I was going to ignore him but then I don't feel I can ignore him putting holes in the wall. Today I lost it on him and screamed badly. I don't have much support. My husband makes it harder and now he told me a week ago that we should separate. So maybe me losing it didn't just have to do with him but all the other emotions as well. It's really hard. I don't know how to handle him. My husband blames his behavior on me. Do these kids eventually learn? I feel hopeless. I get no break. I don't see much progress despite all my efforts.

[bobbysth]

We don’t let him threaten or break stuff. At home If he does these he will have consequences like not getting his iPad game for that day. If that is not enough we put him on basement for 15 mins and make logic why it is wrong. Now a days we don’t have to do all that. We just need to remind him with reasoning and instead helping him to say what actually he is feeling. I shared this at school but at school they don’t have time to do what I do at home. So at school he is very different. He threatens, and gets aggressive. After medication he is lot better but still it comes out . Any help or suggestions would be appreciated!

[papalatistudios]

Our problem isn’t as much breaking stuff but is when I’m not around he is emotionally and physically abusive to his mother. Calls her names, pushes, hits and kicks when she even tries to get him to do anything that is not his way or he does it when she hasn’t done anything at all to provoke it. She’s at the end of her rope and he’s only 9. I’m afraid one day she’s just not gonna come home from work.

[terrabear]

But what if it's a safety thing like trying to break windows, rip a big TV off the wall etc? Or what about when u do ignore them & they continue destroying things for an hour because they find the act of destruction reinforcing in & of itself?

[rookieslr]

Thank you for this video Ryan, this is spot on, I have become a member of the ADHD Dude site now.

One thing I would like to ask, is what happens in the situation where there are siblings (both boys), and sibling B is threatening to break sibling A things?

In our house, this has occurred and usually either a verbal or physical altercation occurs between the two, and that just escalates the situation even more?

Do you have any advice on that please?

Thanks!

[jilenacastillo]

Thank you Ryan. Would this be the same for bad language?

[KinseiSensei]

What happens when you’ve tried this technique for a few years and nothing has changed for the positive? The child keeps getting worse.
How long do you keep it up before everything in your house is destroyed?

[wondergal]

What about when my son directs his anger at his 4 year old sister while I'm driving and punches her? Or when he threw a rock at her head because he was mad? I'm not willing to ignore behavior that puts my daughter at risk.

[SporeZSporeZ]

Ho what do i do about ym mum being ao soft and not disciplining my little brothers with ADHD and Autism, they can attack me, pull a... on me, i come in from work ask him to do wahsing up he ignores me and stares at his computer because he knows mum will let him get away wirh it, i take away his computer he attacks me with my construction helmet, i still didnt give in i took the wires to hsi computer but my mum just went and gave them back!!! I just cant

[jameslardas]

My 12 year old boy is very self defiant were trying to get am the right meds. He's a smart kid but test use every way. He's in the trouble kids class and it's not working. It's geting worse . I dont know what to do. Talking to a private school He's a good kid but the kids are really stressing him.