Is it CRITICISM or ABUSE? (4 Horsemen Explained)

Are you struggling with relationship issues? Discover the 4 Horsemen of Relationship Doom that can predict the end of a partnership: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Dr. Julie Gottman breaks down these destructive behaviors, showing how they can escalate to psychological and even physical abuse. Learn the signs, understand the differences, and take steps to build healthier, more loving connections.

#RelationshipAdvice #CommunicationSkills #HealthyRelationships #GottmanMethod #LoveAndRespect #StopThe4Horsemen #ToxicBehavior #RelationshipTips #CouplesTherapy #gottmanmethod #abuse #love

[hanswoast]

Treating people like objects / means to an end. Hurting others for the sake of it. Trying to prove you are a superior being. Trying to establish you are entitled to special treatment. Ignoring or pushing on boundaries of others. Not accepting a "no". Not accepting others have their own feelings, needs and dreams. Devaluing others. Those are some forms of abuse.

[GirdsHerStrength]

When I bring up something he’s done that inconveniences or hurts me, he calls me nasty and mean and why am I always so critical of him.

[ChanelChanel]

Thank you so much for repeating this! It has helped me so much to change myself and understand my spouse's feeling more. I can never hear this over and over enough.

[demian]

3:51 - I love the Gottman Institute and all of the work they do. However I disagree that telling someone you're going to leave is a form of abuse. I suppose in some cases it could be if it's being used as a form of manipulation.

But if I say, "If you continue to treat me with utter contempt I'm going to leave and file for divorce." This is boundary setting not a form of contempt or abuse.

[singwings]

We are glad you are doing this. Thank you!

[wm]

Abuse is a very difficult situation, sometimes abuse is obvious, and other times it is very subjective. Generally if the person feels abused, it's abuse.

[brqbui]

Talking down and pulling back and turning away destroys a person bit by bit, and it's no surprise it can or will affect their performance. Then if they try hard and still appear to under perform, and you call it "weaponized incompetence", so cruel.

[Star-djkw]

When criticism is overwhelming and anger is used to control your partner- is this coercive control?

[PaigeSquared]

I tried explaining how judgements are value and context based, he suddenly dropped half his IQ and was not capable of understanding basic English.

Both people have to want to be there. I have dated a few men who seemed to have forgotten that my buy in is important; that they do not determine 100% of the success of the relationship. They forget that without interacting with me, they can only ever perceive 50%.

I would leave out the "doing it in front of other people, " thing for guiding signs of abuse. In my experience, abusers are more aware of witnesses than most of us are. It took me awhile to connect the changes in behavior depending on whether or not there were witnesses.

[kerrymillar]

My partner does the first two and I respond with the second two. Absolute torture.

[cain]

Is it still abuse to threaten leaving if something doesn't happen, but you mean it and will follow through? Isn't that being direct about your needs and giving them an opportunity to change something instead of just leaving?

[Northstar]

Based on this video, my wife is a horsewoman and im a horseman

[M]

What happens if you stonewall in response to your partner's criticism and contempt? How do you break out of a vicious cycle?

[joannegild]

I decided to divorce my first husband because I worked hard to put him through graduate school, and he never said thank you. He wouldn’t do anything just for me that I asked, such as taking our small sons to lunch on Saturday to give me a few hours to myself. That’s all. But that did it.