Emotional Abuse Explained | Dr. David Hawkins

Do you feel judged, devalued or ridiculed in your relationship? Are you called names, and then that abuse is minimized and denied? This is emotional abuse, and you can learn to set healthy boundaries from Dr. David B. Hawkins, Director of The Marriage Recovery Center and Emotional Abuse Institute.

Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.

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About

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.

Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.

#emotionalabuse

[replybiz]

If emotional abuse is happening in a family you have to accept that it will never change. The people doing it are so conditioned to thinking it is normal, they had it done to them & if you confront them with the whirlwind of nonsense used to create a toxic feeling they will tell you that you are 'twisting' what they are saying, when you are striving for clarity. You can't sit analyse abuse because aside from being upsetting it induces psychosis which makes you feel worthlesss.

The terrible thing about some abusers is that they don't see that they are abusing you, they say that u need to change, that u have habits that need correcting and they are the ones in the best capacity to do so, not realizing that what they're trying to correct...is what THEY THEMSELVES are doing but they flip it on u and blame u for everything that goes wrong...

[SuperScreamingEagle]

You can never get out of being judged by them...they bring up yesterday, the week before, last month, last year...they never look at themselves...only at you to keep it off of themselves, tearing you down...stripping u of all dignity and self worth. You get stripped to the core until their is nothing left.

[TOPNOTCH]

type in(topnotch do you)and press search, this is just what i needed to hear!!!

[FreddieIsMyMoto]

I agree with ppl that said saying "stop" to an abuser doesn't work, I think we have to say "stop" to ourselves, like "I'm not going to let you judge, devalue me or define who I am". That's what I did. Dr, you gave many really useful advices and I loved your video and the way you put it, ty so much.

[maryanndelatorre]

Dr. David Hawkings brilliantly said, and inspired by the lord. God Bless you and your ministry

[Existantia]

@Jeorney Thank you, a year later for posting your words. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home, went to therapy and have overcome milestones. Recently though, I had fallen for a man who emotionally abused me for several months. I had said goodbye many times, but he always found a way to undermine my confidence about that decision. Tonight I saw him after a while, he did what you said. Flip-flopped. I will never be heard. Thank you for hearing me without me having to say anything.

[SuperScreamingEagle]

I agree that telling abuser "please" and "stop" does not work it only makes it worse. makes them angry. when u stand up to a bully, the behavior escalates.

[DerekMarmon]

I find this video to be very helpful, people had suggested that my previous relationship was abusive but I struggled to label that way...then went back and forth between whether it was abusive or not....this video brought much needed clarity. But what do I do now? The abuse, the words and insults, the lies and cheating still haunt me. I went into this relationship very confident and exited feeling like shit.

[susanmcmillan]

The first step to moving forward is that you recognize this in yourself. I am in a relationship with a guy who is a vet, and he has so many mental issues, I am not sure how to even pin point exactly what his problem is. He was abandoned by both his parents and lived in abusive households, plus enlisted in the Marines when he was 16. He's a mess, but also has a very endearing side. I am beginning to see myself on the side of being a rescuer, and that makes me want to leave also.

[ldylkr]

Emotionally, I've died from the decades of abuse that still continues to this day. My mom will never see me as anything other than someone who ruined her life, someone to make fun of and blame for all the world's problems. Yet despite all she has done, continues to do, and most likely will do, I love her and I hate myself for it.

[tweeze]

"A behavior or action that devalues in any way"

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. I realize now I've been emotionally abused for 8 years and always questioned if It was my fault.

I asked my family to stop verbally insulting me but that didn't change things. Their body language and behavior still devalued me. They don't make eye contact with me, they ignore me, nothing I say is important.

They've devalued me to the point I've been scared and anxious to ask my mom for $5 or spare change.

[sunlitweb]

Yes, there are toxic family structures. And if you are unlucky enough to be the scapegoat you will be gaslighted, treated like you are subtly wrong about everything, your own life history may be rewritten and then you are expected to act as if you are not who you are. Little situations become crimes against the group. No matter what you do you will always have your feet held to the fire and be accused of acting like a victim. It's something society needs more awareness of.

[TTyson]

It's so painful! I just don't want them to hurt anyone else and for them to know what they've done wrong. But because they're so respected by so many, I fear that I would be ignored or bring on enemies. I can't even find any background information on them that's not written by themselves or a beloved member. Very sad :(

[KenziBabenzi]

thankyou that is very flattering, i am sure there is a good young lady out there for you

[TTyson]

I was emotionally abused by a husband/wife counselor duo for childhood abuse and depression. They crossed boundaries and tried to be my parents. They said I was the one with the problem because I called out the inappropriateness, codependence, and inconsistencies of the counseling relationship. Because they are loved and well respected by so many, they continually abuse others in this way and have even spoken negatively about me to others. That is how I experienced Emotional Abuse.

[replybiz]

Having a mental boundary where YOU know the difference between abuse and rational behavoiur does help protect you against abusers. It is a lot like 'knowing your own mind' The only thing to do ultmately is to remove yourself from the abuser.

[LeJisemika]

I lived in Tanzania for 2 months back in 2009. I was living with one other girl who I later realized emotionally abused me for those 2 months straight. I was a shy person so I rarely said anything back to her. A couple of months later when I entered into my first year of university I developed social anxiety disorder and later realized it was because of this emotional abuse I endured. It's been over 2 1/2 years and after months of therapy I'm finally slowly getting over it. Emotional abuse is a

[sannajohanna]

My mother did and does this all to me. And some other people, too. Worst thing is, that sometimes I've noticed that I do same things to my daughter! The difference is, that she can tell me about it without being punished. She says: "Hey, that feels bad! "Why did you do /say it?" and most of the time: I do not really know, why I did - mostly said - as I did. It just comes from somewhere. I think that it is an unconscious, learned model when you yourself believed that your parents are perfect. You learned their way to communicate and handle certain things. Then you use it, without awareness, with your children, spouse and friends. But good new is, I think, that as soon as you become aware of these bad unconscious methods that have progressed your life, things get better. Now I can tell, why I said some bad things, but then I did not know what was question about: I wanted, in that moment, to control her or I wanted something that I did not get even I had asked many times - for example I wanted to come from the work to the clean kitchen so that I can prepare the dinner and when I did not have it after the hard day, I saw only the mess and first thing I had to do when I car from work was to clean before I could prepare a dinner - Yes, I said bad words, because I felt that it was ME who was devalued badly, badly!! Fortunately, however, she can tell me how she feels so I can SEE and KNOW, what effect the words can have. I am still practicing to stop controlling and to find ways to get what I need - for example the clean kitchen when I get back from work. I need it. If you love me, you give it to me. When I left in the morning, the kitchen was clean and when I come back, it is not clean. Who is actually controlling whom? I see that there was no-one who loved me, because they did not give me the clean kitchen even I asked, I preyed, I explained my feelings many times. No result. Then, I truly shout some bad words. In this kind of situations I've been abusive because I feel I've been abused! What I can say to get the clean kitchen when I return home from work, what??? And at the same time when trying to learn to communicate less abusive ways I fight because there are so many people abusing me - including my daughter sometimes :) My mother always. Some of my workmates too.

[Hawaiiansky]

@Jeorney
That is very common among abusers and bullies. Abuse, abuse, abuse, yell scream hate, throw a fit...but if someone stands up to them, play the victim (the message being: I have the right to abuse you, but you have NO right to not be abused.)