What is the Best Treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) #AskATherapist

What is the Best Treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) #AskATherapist //

How do you know if you have dissociative identity disorder and if you do, can it be cured? Many clients ask, what kind of trauma causes dissociative identity disorder? Watch this video to learn the truth behind DID, formerly called multiple personalities.

#MendedLight
#AskATherapist
#BestTreatmentForDID

[andersonsystem]

In our system we just do talk therapy with our therapist. We have a goal to have functional plurality and if a fusion happens our goal is to let happen naturally.

[DIDHatchery]

We don’t think alters just go away when the host learns to express the feelings of said alters. We have a lot of child alters that hold trauma. These alters will not dissipate just because I learn how to express their feelings in a healthy way. They have to work through their trauma, so the amnesic barriers can lower, and eventually the child alter will, hopefully, integrate. I just think it’s a little reductive to reduce alters to uncomfortable feelings. They are not that. They are fragments of personality that developed in isolation, and are very much their individual selves, until amnesic barriers lower.

I wish doctors really understood the nature of DID, but they don’t. They still think it’s just a simple coping mechanism in which a person just fades out into another personality. They don’t understand that alters can hijack the body. The host has no choice. I’m babbling because we’re a little blended.

Thank for discussing this topic. I cover my experiences with DID on my channel. I think it’s really important to show the world how DID works, since it’s so sorely misunderstood.

Please don’t treat DID people like there’s some secret conscious volition behind switching. There isn’t. It just happens. It takes a lot of therapy to communicate & learn how to cooperate with alters.

Have a good day. Take care.

[RhinoaLunar]

My girlfriend has DID. Before she told me I was dating one of her alts a guy named Jake but Jake was her protector and his that he was someone else. She figured it out and told me and that was almost twelve years ago. She has merged all her alts. I was there through it for her. It’s not easy being her partner all the time but I’ve got CPTSD, anxiety, and depression so I’m not always great either. Together we help each other and it makes therapy homework easier too. We help but hold accountable. It can look like “Did you take your meds?” Or it can be helping the other through a panic attack by providing emotional support. It took years for her to merge. But it was so incredible to watch and help her do.

[LetsleyPlays]

You should mention that you don't need to merge or integrate all the Alters into one to be happy or to heal. I know some, my best friend included (15 Alters) are doing brilliantly because they've learnt to live and work together. They've become like a family who will support each other. I asked my friend, if you could get rid of your DID, would you and she said No. Now she has gotten to know them all, it'll be like saying goodbye to a close friend or a family member. They're people, just like her and we both say, it's not their fault they exist the way they do but, they deserve to have a life as well. I honestly don't respect anymore more than my best friend/s. DID is not something to be ashamed of. They're not a shattered person, in fact, people with DID are the strongest people I know. I hope more people learn not to be wary or afraid of someone with DID. Having many friends in one person is actually really nice. :)

Thanks for these videos! <3

[HachiKintsugi]

As the host of my system, I just want to do a little precision because I think it's needed. Not all systems decide to integrate but must of all, alters (or personnalities) need all to consent for the integration to work on the long run & to not be more destructive than what it's supposed to be. Also, some systems tend to think that the integration is a murder because the two (or more) alters integrating are not the same person as the alter resulting the integration & some tend to think that you die for someone else to be born. &, yeah, you know what you "give" but you don't know what kind of result/alter you will get after that. & to those systems, talking about integration tend to make them feel restless & agitated because they really don't like this concept.

So yeah, not wanting to integrate doesn't mean not wanting to heal but just, for us anyway, wanting to stay together to share the duties of day to day life & use each alter's strengths to counter the weakness of others. While doing therapy. The complexity is to find the proper therapist for that because most refute the existence of it, don't take it seriously & all that. So, yeah, it can be a journey to find a therapist who believes you & works with you, following your lead rather than imposing their ideas of what is happening & pushing you in a direction against your wills.

Take care everyone & take care of your system. Communicate with the system because in the end, you can't live without them, one way or another so you better be good with them if you want them to be good to you :)

[Ona]

I used to have DID. The sexual abuse started when I was 18 months old and it was brutal. Most of the time it was my father. Sometimes it was my older sister and my mother. My older brother didn't sexually abuse me, but he was sadistic and violent. My mother has munchausen by proxy and sociopathy. She did nothing to prevent her children from coming to harm and she often encouraged us to do dangerous things. I saw my 8 year old brother lit on fire with gasoline when I was 10 years old. My baby brother was run over by a motorcycle two feet away from me when I was 6 years old and I thought it was my fault. Things like that happened a lot in family. My mother broke my finger in a car door, when I was 4 years old and I didn't receive, medical care, first aid or any acknowledgement from her that I was injured. She slammed the car door again and drove off with me screaming in the backseat. That finger is shorter than the one on my other hand and I can't straighten it out. She dislocated my shoulder when she lost her temper. Unless there was an audience, she was completely indifferent to the suffering of other people, especially her children, unless she thought that it was funny. She used to torture small animals to death when she was a kid. They were fond memories for her and she shared them with me, when I was little and I had to pretend that I wanted to hear it, even though it was horrifying. I wasn't allowed to show signs of physical or emotional distress, even when my father was abusing me. If I was sick and had cough or vomit, I had to do it as quietly as possible and avoid drawing attention my suffering. When I was 9 years old, I had pneumonia and I was coughing up large gobs of semisolid mucus into the fireplace, because my mother didn't want to have a trashcan in the living room. My father pointed to the mess and said that I had to clean it up. So I could barely breathe and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the fireplace clean.
My father treated me like a wife more than a daughter and my mother treated me more like a mother than a daughter. When I self harmed, my mother would make jokes about it. When I tried to kill myself, she ignored it.
When my mother found out that I had DID, she didn't want me anymore. She wouldn't be in the same room with me and she wouldn't return my hugs anymore. My father told me that she didn't want to be around me, because I was so bazaar and flawed.
When I was 43 years old, I was held down by a dentist and her assistant for two hours while I was struggling. I was having a flashback of sexual assaults, the entire time. After that, my DID became too pronounced for me to hide and I couldn't hide from what my father did to me anymore. I've always been terrified of him, especially if he was breathing heavily, but I couldn't force myself to be in the same room with him anymore. I had 3 year old alter who became awake, while I was in the room with him. I was looking at his face and said, "I can see the monsters in people, now". I could see beneath the illusion that my father condition me to see and I realized that I was looking at cold, creepy old man who had no remorse. I looked at my mother and I could see her for who she was. I lost the memories of the first 43 years of my life, shortly after that. I was in a toxic marriage with an older man who treated me more like a daughter than an adult, equal partner. He was obsessed with us dying together and he didn't give me a choice when it came to romantic gestures. He kept a huge, loaded gun with in his reach almost at all times. He didn't believe me when I told what I remembered my father doing to me. That's when I decided that my husband wasn't worth dying for and neither was father. I left to a domestic violence shelter while my husband wasn't home. I don't remember packing. When I made the decision to leave, my bags had already been packed.
I don't remember the first two weeks in the shelter. I lost the ability to read and write for a few weeks and I was told that I had spent a lot of time in the office. Three weeks in, a volunteer struck up a conversation with me. She said that we'd spent a lot of time, visiting when I first arrived in the shelter, but for me, it was the first time I'd ever seen her.
I think that having DID was an asset for me while I was getting back on my feet. I arrived in this county with two gym bags, two back packs and $60-. If I was exhausted, I could ask someone to take over my body for me. If I was cold, I could ask an alter to hide the discomfort for me. They were always there for me, protecting me and helping me reach the goals that I had to accomplish to survive. I had to power walk for 7 hours, the day before Christmas so that I could pick up my disability benefits and take the check to the bank. It felt like someone else was moving my legs for me. I have never felt less alone.
I think that embracing every single alter, was part of what caused me to integrate. I didn't want to, but I knew that it might be the price of healing. I don't think that I could have integrated while I was in an unsafe environment with my father in my life.

[beautifully_wonderfullymade]

I use to have DID, in the beginning I thought it was a curse, but as I got to know my girls I respected them and they grew to respect me. It was a long painful journey, but eventually one by one they integrated. I am now one person. Learning how to be one person has been hard, it is also very lonely when only you talk back. I thought I would become 'normal' after integration, but I Learning the social dos and don'ts has been a steep learning curve. I'd rather nor interact with people as I find it so hard and feel unsafe and misunderstood. I am passionate about mental health awareness, getting context and choosing kindness. I openly talk about mental health concerns and this unfortunately is a taboo. I will be honest, I miss them when I feel overwhelmed by life, but I don't miss the chaos that they sometimes brought. Being DID really hurt my children and this has taken a long time to forgive myself for.

My childhood was traumatic, violent. My parents were busy doing ministry, to the point that we often were abandoned. We were left exposed to some terrible broken behaviour of unhinged adults with no adult protection. I also experienced religious abuse. My healing didn't stop at integration, it has been ongoing. After nearly 12 years I feel more secure in myself, I know I am loved and that I have value. I still have low times, but mentally I am in a better place. I think getting to know my girls and feeling what they felt and hearing their thoughts taught me compassion and empathy.

[Sieggis]

Yikes man.
"How to get rid of others", really man? You have any idea how hurtful that was to hear? How would you feel if someone told you to wanna get rid of you? Biiiig yikes.

[cappuchino_creations]

Pro Tip: Whenever I get mayor anxiety because a decision is to be made, I go to the high council of "Personalities" and let them vote democratically what they think is the best decision and why :D

Also, I feel like it helps a lot (for the Egos) to be asked what they want and why they want it. Just general listening. It's a very early kind of help, but it does help a lot ^^

[aislinbellarosa]

I appreciate the attempt to help and to spread information, but as part of a system myself (or ourselves, I'm sure my sister will chime in), I felt the need to address a few, shall we say, *problematic* aspects of the video, as well as the harmful stereotypes.

First off, I'd like to address what you said at the beginning: "I want to just be me." This is the mark of someone in a system where everyone hates each other, and odds are the person saying it is a big part of the reason their system is in such a state. It's a fundamentally entitled perspective devoid of empathy, and the only reason people don't call it out as such is because of the dehumanization of "alters" (a term we hate, but will use for the sake of easy understanding). Think about it; if an alter said this, that they wanted the host gone, most everyone would agree it's an awful thing. However, the host has free reign to want the body to themselves because they're the "real person." This is a false and highly damaging perspective, born from early psychologists' failure to understand that multiple distinct people could exist within a single body or brain (spoilers, they can), and to rationalize away all but one as something akin to hallucinations or imaginary friends. In truth they're all real, and there is no such thing as a host.

Now, you might be thinking I'm crazy, "Of *course* there's a host, it's the person the alters split from!" But, what is a split? It's not a new thing being created, it's one thing becoming two (or more). If you take something and saw it in half, which half is the original and which is a new thing? The answer is either that both are the original, or neither are, but you can't just arbitrarily decide one is and the other isn't because you feel like it. You might then say "The host is the dominant or most developed personality, or the one who's still around after integration." That's also a flawed argument, and to see why we can just apply the same lens to the world as a whole.

Most systems, save a few who function as direct democracies, have a leader or leaders. Sometimes they're elected, sometimes they're dictators, but either way they're usually the people who do most of the fronting and who a therapist will probably know best. As the person fronting, a leader will also have the most *opportunity* to grow and develop, but that's not the measure of their humanity. World leaders have experiences and opportunities most people can only dream of, but would you say a president or prime minster is the "host" of a country, and the rest of its people are barely even real? It's an imbalanced distribution of power in a system or bias on the part of a therapist that assigns the title of host, not any transcendental property the "host" possesses, and when it is assigned it's usually to the one that wants everyone else gone or under their control, which is, to put it mildly, a *very* bad thing.

Now, to address integration. There are two types of integration, which for our purposes we'll call natural integration and forced integration. Natural integration is a lot like how singlets (non systems) grow closer with each other as friends or partners, with the only difference being that sharing a brain lets headmates (a term for someone in a system that avoids the alter/host dichotomy) grow even closer than what's possible for those in separate bodies. Best friends can finish each other's sentences, headmates who are best friends can do so much more. As they grow closer they can adopt each other's mannerisms, ideas, and even thoughts until they're functionally a single entity. In this nothing is lost, because it's built on a relationship of mutual respect that places value on everyone involved. However, most integration done in therapy is not that.

While natural integration happens almost accidentally, forced integration is anything but, and is almost always focused around the one person defined as the "host." Those defined as alters are expected to force themselves to merge with the host and told it's for their own good, and the host is told the others are merely fragments of themself rather than individuals with their own minds and worth. Many systems who integrated in therapy say that they feel like they're lesser for it, like parts of them were irrevocably lost, and is it any surprise? Alters are forced into the host's mold, and anything that doesn't fit is thrown away. This, once again, is because of the damaging notion that only the host is real.

Now, in rewatching the video as I write, I've realized there are three types (if you can even call the third a type). The false integration. In the example you gave, it *appeared* like the woman was integrated, because her headmates stopped showing up, but you're treating them like tools that only exist when they front. But, was it that they were gone, or that she just stopped asking for help? Imagine you're on a car trip, and on most roads you're completely comfortable driving, but you really don't like high traffic city driving or back country offroading. Fortunately, you have two friends with you, one who's an expert city driver, and the other who loves going offroad. Whenever it gets too hard for you to drive you ask a friend to take over, then once you're back on a road you're comfortable with you switch back. But, if you get better at driving and stop asking for help, do your friends stop existing? Of course not. Maybe they keep quiet, but they're still there in the back seat.

I know it's anecdotal, but someone I know in another system has a headmate who was a lot more confident than him, then when he learned to be confident himself that headmate stopped showing up, and we all thought they integrated. Fast forward to a year and a half later, when said headmate randomly pops in to say hi and ask how everyone's been, in a situation that didn't require any sort of confidence at all. I've heard similar stories, but that's the only one I experienced firsthand, and really kind of proved to me that just because someone stops showing up doesn't mean they're integrated or gone. Thinking of "alters" as tools the brain makes up to fix a problem rather than real people is deeply harmful, and causes more repression than healing. Yes, alters can be *created* to fix a problem, but that's just how they're born, not who they become. They're just as much a person as a baby *created* to fix a failing marriage is.

Now, back around to where we started: "I want to just be me." How can it be done better? How can a system heal without throwing anyone under the bus? Natural integration is almost always a good outcome, but by its very nature it's not something that should be a goal, as trying to focus on it can turn it into something that forces everyone into a single mold. Thus, integration should be abandoned as a set goal; not because it can't be a good thing, but because setting it as a goal is counterproductive. Instead, systems should be given something akin to family therapy, where mutual respect and understanding within an egalitarian framework is the goal. Once that's done, all that's left is learning internal conflict resolution and to work as a team, or at least allocate power equitably. When it comes to systems, seeing them as one person with different personalities is damaging, and they should always be treated as a family, albeit one where you can't just advise a member to move out.

I know this is more than long enough (perks of having two authors both trying to fit in everything we want to say), but before we go we at least have to touch on selection bias. *ahem* "All gay people are mentally ill." Now, before you cancel me, that's not my opinion, but if I'd been a cishet therapist 70 some years ago it probably would have been, because every gay person *I saw* would have been mentally ill. Why? Because they're the ones that need therapy! Now, switch to today. I'm a singlet therapist, and I'd say "Every system is mentally ill." Again, reasonable from my perspective, but missing context. The healthy ones don't go to therapy. That's why multiplicity is classified as a disorder and integration is held up as a "cure", because society at large doesn't have examples of healthy systems and thus thinks there aren't any (and, thanks to the stigma around multiplicity, few healthy systems want to come forward and be the ones to dispel that notion. Our system is comfortable enough behind a keyboard, but certainly wouldn't be saying all this on stage). Healthy multiplicity is a real and wonderful thing, and while integration can sometimes be a good thing when it happens naturally, it can be tantamount to murder when forced. So please, don't push it on anyone, and don't encourage others to. This has been a PSA.

Edit: we just found and watched the Working to Get it Right video, and in light of that want to say we appreciate the desire to learn and understand, and to disregard any shade we may have thrown. We'll leave this comment up to hopefully still dispel some myths, but it shouldn't be seen as an angry callout, that's not the intent.

[minavain]

I like these did videos he is making, especially when there is lot of misinformation around internet about this thing. I have healed from unspecified dissociation disorder("mild did") through years of therapy. I had 5 different alters who where aware of each other, now im whole and integrated, but still i might have dissociation in mentally stressfull pro-longed situations. For me personally most helpful tool was "coping with trauma related dissociation -skills training for patients and therapists" book by Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele and Onno Van Der Hart, its important to read in therapy with therapist, since it can be triggering to read on your own. Living in a moment, focusing with senses and having internal safe place are very important things. Wish you all the best on your way to healing💜 never give up💜

[tiffanypersaud]

Thanks for the vid! A friend of mine got diagnosed with DID and my dumbass had to hold myself back from saying “That’s fascinating!” and try instead to listen to her. The first exposure I had with DID was watching a Matlock episode as a kid "the other woman", who had quite a similar situation as your patient you described. Even back then, I could not help but think how fascinating the brain is to continue to protect you so much so that it splits. And I felt so much sorrow for the character. Granted, this is an older show, like during the time of the film "the exorcist” but even so, really respected its characters. DID has become in media, film and shows, more so a “villain's disease" rather than a disorder really anyone can get, so I am glad we are getting to a place where we can have a better understanding of the disorder and the real life people who have it.

[LostSauce-]

I have an unspecified dissociative disorder. I am undiagnosed as of late, but I hope to get some professional help, if I can't reel it in myself.

I don't feel as if I have multiple people living in me, but I DO feel like I "black out" sometimes, and I do feel like I slip into different thought patterns, depending on the situation.

I've been living in my head for a long time, zoning out thinking about hyperfixations and shows I like, and now that I am trying to stop doing that, I'm realizing just how jacked up and disjointed my mind actually is. It can happen in seconds, or I can be in one state for hours.

It's like I've just been compartmentalizing parts of myself and just throwing them around whenever a situation calls for it. Made it easier for me to stay in my own little world I guess.

I know that I need to face some difficult aspects of my past, and I know that I have to accept that the person in the memories I have, is me.

It's very hard though. I work 10 hr shifts and I feel like I have to force myself to function all the time, when I really want to just focus on allowing myself to be, myself. I want to LET myself fall apart for a moment, so I can understand that it is an ok thing to do sometimes.

It's very hard. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with the awful shit that happened to them that they never deserved. We'll get better.

[RoseBeariess]

I starting figuring out I was a system a couple years ago. It was whacky. My inner world is filled with blocked off areas representing trauma I’m not allowed to remember yet.

My most obvious switches are with one of my child alters. She’s very hyper and is about 5 years old. My voice and mannerisms change. Otherwise my voice really doesn’t really change that much. My switches are so undetectable that even my therapist has a hard time telling if I’ve switched.

My behavior will change though. Like I recently discovered the existence of another protector in the system. He’s hidden away somewhere in the inner world I’m not allowed to go. He hasn’t said who he is yet. But from what I can tell he’s my fiercest protector. Anytime he gets triggered out my reaction to anger does a total 180. Instead of crying and usually not being super defensive he just goes for it. Dude is not afraid of ANYTHING. Like literally nothing scares him from what I can tell. And if something does scare him it’s just more motivation to fight harder and be tougher than whatever he’s afraid of.

[notmydidea]

headmates just dont "stop existing" bcz they arent needed at the moment/anymore. they either go dormant or just don't front

[CarrotFlowers]

I have DDNOS and have no wish for it to go away. I just try to increase communication between the aspects and make sure "the grown up" is always present when making decisions.

[AtomicPixels]

I didn’t know this was a thing. I call it the “fog and continue.” It feels and looks physically like a thick smoky fog covers my face. Then I’m suddenly just continuing. Not waking up it’s hard to explain. I’ll be in the middle of doing pushups or bills or work (which I find generally almost impossible on my own).

[lightningbenderhugo]

For me I feel a major disconnect from my body when in a uncomfortable situation. If it is super stressful or inconvenient or if I'm triggered . It's like viewing myself from behind like if I'm floating.

My body is going about it's day and task holding convos that I may or may not completely understand or remember. It's kind of like sleeping and waking up partially where you feel hazy and floaty.

When the feeling goes away it's like waking up from a long nap and the colors become brighter and less muted. The voices carrying conversations are much more clearer and and I feel again.

[nachtorchis]

Your question at the beginning of the video made me frightened. Because as a person that is a system herself my personalities don't want to get rid of, disappear. They need to be heard. Integration is key. And it needs to occur on its own, because of healing. Healing is different for all systems. I take the route of creative therapy, Journaling and letting my loved ones in. It is a long journey. And if I had the mentality to get rid of all my alters, it would backfire. It's not love based. I love how you explain this in this short video. I wish I found it earlier in my journey. So as to share it with people that care for me. To explain. Thanks so much for all your work and in particular this video.

[prestongregory]

Question: how do you feel that the media has done representing DID, both in news and cinema? Because most of what I’ve seen seems way over the top, and not close to what DID is or seems to be.