HELP! I HATE MY CHILD (What to do if you dislike your child)

Feeling hatred toward your child is a symptom of a different problem. This is a controversial and taboo topic, but it's not that uncommon for parents to sometimes feel disgusted and think or say "Go away!" "Leave me alone." "I don't like you." "I don't want you." "I don't love you." "I hate you!" towards their kids. So what's causing that very uncomfortable sensation and feeling?

Don't stay stuck with the feeling that there's something wrong with you or something wrong with your child - let's break this down:

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0:00 What if I hate my child?
1) This is normal. But even though it's normal, there are things we can do about it.
2) It passes... change is ______
3) Your child might be going through a hard time right now
4) YOU might be going through a hard time right now
5) You hate their behaviors (or the way they make you ______), not them
6) You can do something about it! Take a ______ if you can
7) Coach yourself: Soften your ______ language - envision being loving
8) Inhibit yourself - imagine you were being ______
9) Imagine it’s your last day on ______
10) Invision your ______ moments with your child
11) List out the things that are ______ about your child
12) Reframe their ______ traits
13) Engage in ______ - bonding behaviors
14) Remember that love is sometimes a choice - ______ it till you make it
15) Use ______ and remember you’re not always a picnic yourself!

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Watch this next:

#parentingjunkie #parenting #loveparenting

[jeaniedelaney]

“I regret this whole thing.” Pretty much sums up my feeling this morning. I love my child deep down, but on the surface right now, I’m so frustrated with his behavior I don’t even know what to do.

[jonigarciajg]

I'm a mom of 4 and a mental health clinician. I am so thankful that you have put this video out. I love your approach to parenting topics in general. Parents need compassion and non-judgement approaches. Often parenting experts, or other professionals that work with children lack this approach. Also, want to shout out to parents that were brave enough to write these letters!

[snipe]

Ah so the main points I gathered from this are

1) Do not overgeneralize your hatred or disgust towards your children, specify it toward their behavior, phase, or life condition.
2) Develop a personal inventory of all the golden moments your child has
3) coach yourself as if this were someone else's child.
4) Physical Touch and eye contact

Great points!

[francesanchetasongwriter]

Thank you so much for this and keeping it real. I'm the mother of a special needs child and daily life can be challenging but a blessing at the same time. Children definitely bring about our triggers and make us wonder whether we're going about things in the right way. I loved all of your helpful tips in this video. I'll definitely share with my fellow special needs parent friends. Thank you again for all you do to help parents raise their children more consciously, God bless! :)

[jacoyia]

I'm a single mom of three kids under 6 and I feel like this sometimes. I work so hard for them but they don't really care, behave, or listen to me. I don't have no support or help and they don't give me a break or think twice about anything. It makes me feel how you explained in this video.

[kristinyaekelnegley]

I’m just burned out, and I’m with them 24/7, so that’s part of where my feelings come from. I need to get away from them once in a while! I mean really- who can be with anyone constantly and not feel this way sometimes??

[kashanylymon]

We all know that ''hate" is a bad word that people don't like, but It's a feeling. It's normal to have feelings .

[mckaybrezenski]

Man, you got me crying! I honestly didn't realize just how much I needed to hear someone else put these feelings into words. I think the biggest problem I've been having is feeling like I'm this dark, monstrous person for feeling hatred towards these objectively adorable, innocent little people God has blessed me with. Like, what is wrong with me that I can hate something that so many people would love to have? I love my kids, but I really do not like taking care of them, and a part of me is resentful towards them for all the work I have to do for them. Thank you for making this video and also for not euphemizing.

[brunapostalandersson]

Being a mother sucks, I hate my child. I just want to disappear, I miss my own time, she drains my energy like a vampire and I feel like leaving this world often. Therapy doesn't help at all.

[jmichelleART]

My four kids deserve better, im not capable of being who they need. Their father passed last year and im ready to follow him.

[jenniferprice]

I really needed to hear this. I found it by literally searching "how to be nice to my child when I hate them." I appreciate that you touch on this hard subject with compassion. I do want to love my kid! And I do, but I also don't. Parenting is so hard; harder than any job I've ever had. In so many ways, I regret being a parent. But I can't go back and change that, so I need to learn to move forward and be the parent my child deserves.

[randyrandall]

Great advice that doesn't speak to me at all. I am a father with 3 boys-7 year old, 5 year old and 1 year old. The baby has a great disposition and my 5 year old is the sweetest child. By contrast, my 7 year is evil. My wife and I have tried and tried and tried. But ever since he was a baby he was incredibly difficult. His behavior manifests in many negative ways. He is incredibly selfish, he likes to beat up his little brothers, he steals, he has no friends (they don't want to put up with his behavior), etc. The list goes on and on. He is a very beautiful boy and very loving toward us which is totally confusing. My wife argued with me for years but even now, finally, she admits that he is just wrong. We've seen doctors over the years and he was just diagnosed with ADHD. Counseling doesn't seem to help. And his ADHD only explains part of it. Even though it's terrible to say, I'm ready to give up on him. I don't want to be around him. Right now it's 3:00 am and I can't sleep because my stomach is churning with feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment. At this point, I feel like the only way for me to stay sane is to distance myself from him and spend my positive energy on my other boys. To do otherwise is causing me to hate the 7 year old more and more. It's also ruining my health. I really don't know what else to say or do because the truth is that I hate him.

[breewixom]

I couldn't believe I was even looking up a video with this title, but wow has it been a tough couple of days!! I have a toddler who is potty training--the thing I dreaded since I found out I was pregnant again at 39 and ten years after my last baby. This child is lovely but difficult!! This video helped me realize that I'm not a horrible mother for feeling frustration. I do adore my kid most of the time, but he has been unruly, ruse, aggressive and quite a brat. Sometimes its hard to get through the day and I get so freaking tired. Anyway, this helped me to give myself and him a break and remember to be the example of how we get through the tough patches. I have enough experience to know that time flies quickly and ill get through it. Next month will have its own challenges, but also amazing moments. Sometimes you just need a reminder, thanks!!

[Bert-xczy]

I hate myself for having a child, and now more than ever that she is a grown up and blames me for everything bad that happens to her.

[nicolecervantes]

I found this video because I literally typed out "I hate my children" on the search bar. Thank you for your advise and giving me a mindset change. Coming from a background in caring for other children, I found that tip on "pretending you are carrying for someone else's child" as something I can implement immediately. Thank you

[augusthere]

As soon as she says she has 5 kids I figure she can’t help me. That denotes someone who is altogether capable of raising 5 kids successfully and happily. I was a fantastic mom the first time around. I had an only child who was my greatest joy and delight. Obedient, loving, and fun. Then he was murdered at 18. I was and am desperately shattered. But I loved parenting so much that I took in another child. He is driving me to the point of mental breakdown daily. Loving but hyper off the charts and never quits talking (at the top of his lungs) day or night. Disobeys constantly. I dread every day.

[mariannerogers]

My daughters are adults now and the only time I have ever loathed them was when they tell me that they hate their children.
And I say...why did you have them?
If other people’s children have annoyed you then why did you think it would be different with your own?
It’s not the children that have issues, it’s you.

[caitlinbrown]

This was amazing. Thank you so so so much. Most helpful tip :Coach yourself/Use Humour/Imagine its someone else's child

[laurali]

I love this video. My mom hated my guts until the day she retired. Then she was suddenly loving. Now I understand she was overwhelmed. But I have taken so much damage from being hated all my life.

[jennb]

I hate my child. Im always tired and i look at him and think that his father spends no sleepless nights to help raise him. I wish I never had this kid and would like to rehome him.

Working and caring for a child is too much. Plus, my child is an asshole. I dont think im post partum or anything. I sit and stare at times traumatized by all i have to do repeatedly and I have had to resort to spanking to make him listen.

I would rather put him up for adoption than lose my mind and health over this.