Protest Behavior and Unmet Emotional Needs in Relationships

Hello. Thanks for checking out my YouTube channel.

In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..

☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology

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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator

Emotional Connections Matter!

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Protest Behavior and Unmet Emotional Needs in Relationships

In this video, I talk about how unmet emotional needs can result in protest behaviors. Protest behaviors are tactics we resort to that demand emotional connection and acknowledgement.

Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?

Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?

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Protest Behavior and Unmet Emotional Needs in Relationships

[AlanRobargeHealingTrauma]

Hello Subscribers:

Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.

One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.

Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!

As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on YouTube. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.

I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.

That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on YouTube. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.


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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.

Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.

The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.

While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.


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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.

When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.

You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.


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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.


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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.

And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”

Best regards,


Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist

[pettahulme]

I'm so sick of being like this I've stopped the relationship even though it hurts it but I don't think he can reciprocate and I hate the person I become so because of what I've learnt from tour videos I've decided to be on my own to heal it's took me fifty years to get hear and after being clean for eighteen months from addiction I am still suffering and it's time to end it .your information is the first time it's all made sense to me thank you so much I was told not to watch youtube or diagnose myself but this is literally saving my life thank you thank you thank you🔥🔥❤❤🌱🌱🌱

[SweetDesertHoney]

This COMPLETELY opened my eyes... hearing you describe this type of behavior was like listening to you narrate so many times in my life where I lost control of my emotions and basically had the adult equivalent of a temper tantrum. I am really glad you offered a doable/reasonable solution to hopefully avoid moments like this in the future. Thank you! I feel so ashamed and relieved at the same time lol

[Paarthurnaxdova]

You are so understanding of emotional needs and I always feel like you are talking to me one on one. We LOVE YOU ALAN!

[cprime]

Wow! I definitely have an attachment trauma. Using my tongue to cut as a form of protest behavior is what I do to my fiancé. Poor guy. Wow!!! Eyes have been opened. No wonder I've been single most of my life! Makes me sick to learn about all of my dysfunctional behavior. I had no idea! Between this video and your other one on unmet needs I have learned so much. I am grateful for being enlightened but at the same time I feel like crying.

[outofthegoldfishbowletcete]

fantastic video as usual. thank you again. Just one thing.... many people watching this may not realise their partner is an addict and if they're codependent they might need specific focused help instead of trying to get their needs met from someone who can't fulfil them (addict) or won't fulfil them (narcissist). They need to learn how to get their needs fulfilled by someone who wants to and can fulfil them

[chilloften]

Indeed, the immediacy of my emotion takes over, I need so much help with that. It’s unbearable. Stress, tiredness, caffeine, all make it worse.

[jonpacer]

This guy just described every relationship I've had.

[rockykkxwhj]

Pretest behaviour may make relationships worse, but if your partner lack abilities to emotions connections, so no matter how hard you work on your relationships, it does not make sense.

[plummage]

Per usual, I feel you are literally talking specifically to me. Forever grateful to you and this channel!

[livictori]

This is why it’s best to just break up. Not getting your needs met is an insufferable position. Imagine being lied to and disappointed but it’s your reaction that is the problem.

[clareunderwood]

That's hilarious when you go on about the fridge door!

[Thedoseisthepoison]

Blimey, you have just explained something which I have never understood about myself-it has been so pernicious in my life and I never understood it until watching this, thank you

[rpaul]

This is me and my partner. It always amazes me how people repeat the same dynamics endlessly through time.

[rebeccal]

I would really appreciate more videos on how to deal with attachment trauma during dating :)

[lemoncakesandmoonpies]

This definitely describes my behavior, and I've been picking up on it more recently with a few people

[samjoachim]

Wow yup there's guilt here now :( thanks for the mirror though I needed to see it

[michelleporter]

I LOVE your insights. they are helpful. do you have any "scripts" or healthy prompts to use when trauma is activated, you feel an unmet need? I need help with exactly what to say in these moments when trauma mind has hijacked me. thank you for distilling such complex info esp when feeling overwhelmed and in pain. blessing and lifesaver.

[suzywilliams]

Goodness.
I've done this so much over the years. Thank you Alan! This is invaluable.

[vtbhoward]

I am enjoying the videos in which the more anxious or ambivalent partner is described, as would likely be experienced by the more unavailable partner.

However, I'm trying to find more videos focusing on situations explaining the dysfunctionality of the more avoidant/unavailable partners stance, as well as their protest behaviors, and their impact when they are dealing with unmet needs or conflict.

Thank you for helping us navigate relationships!