Demand Avoidance in Autistic Adults

[evillisat]

Sometimes just thinking about returning a phone call sends me over the edge.

[kuibeiguahua]

The worst part for me as I am learning about my own autism is that I develop great strategies but if I am too unregulated, like after a music festival, I may be so dysregulated that I forget my strategies exist, so I drew them and hanged them on the walls.

One day I hope to be fully auti-matic though.

[TeaLaRee]

It's even worse when professionals in the field make it worse. It's so hard being on the spectrum and parenting a child on it too. It's like there is only space/recognition for his triggers, avoidance and feeling all alone when I'm going through the same thing. I always put his needs first, but I wish professionals recognized disability of parents too and how hard it is to manage it all.

[ElvenChaos]

I really wish they'd teach kids this in school. Have the next generation be more aware of NDs societal needs.

[niamhs]

Thank you for articulating so clearly, your channel has given me the words that make sense with how I feel so I can help explain better to people I care about

[klnamba]

I feel this with bills. It is so difficult for me to manage my bills. And if something goes wrong or requires additional steps--like updating my card, or a missed or late payment, or fixing inaccurate charges, or having to wait on hold to talk to someone--or simply requires a bunch of steps to pay, I completely shut down and avoid it. Which does NOT make the situation any better, BTW. 😂 With bills in particular, it snowballs quickly, just becomes more complicated, and becomes overwhelming very easily. I've struggled with this my whole life even though I am relatively functional and successful in most areas of self-sufficiency. I've never been able to explain it, and it baffles those who really know me and witness everything else i manage. But after learning about adult asd dx and highly suspecting I'm on the spectrum, I finally feel validated and understood. It doesn't fix the need to master this task, but it does help me give myself grace and think outside the box about how I might approach this demand in a way that I can accomplish.

[RhapsosProductions]

Never thought of DA as linked to overstimulation before, but it makes a lot of sense

[lovelysakurapetalsyt]

I'm glad that my noona quickly figured out what I needed so I wouldn't shut down. Instead of telling me what to do, she says "I need a bit of help dusting, if you can." And that's enough of a not demand that I can manage it. Through that, I've been able to do a ton of things on my own, like do the dishes and put them away, vaccum, dust, even down to cleaning my room

[carolynv]

My family made fun of my grandma for always ordering the same thing at restaurants. So I used to try to always mix it up. But having go-to orders spares me SO MUCH PROCESSING.

[tris]

My husband learned about this and asked me if I had ever heard of it. I had, and I asked if it made him think of me, and he gave an emphatic 'yes'. My biggest trigger is passive aggressive demands. "Do you want to do the dishes?" and the like make me crazy. People get very irritated when I respond with "No. I do not want to, but I will if you ask me to." They think the response is unnecessary, but it's the only way I can calm the fight or flight response that the questions trigger. I'm not being difficult. I am self regulating and don't appreciate being asked one question when what you mean is something else entirely.

[BadgerBabyBoy]

I hate my house being dirty messy but I keep avoiding cleaning, it’s one of my bigggest problems at home

[andonlytoonkid]

I totally understand where you're coming from. For me, it happens when people out in public demand something from me while they're being intimidating. During those times, my whole body starts trembling like an earthquake. I end up not being able to think straight. I'm not very good at arguing with people (cause I hate arguing), so I always end up saying the weirdest things. Like yesterday when somebody got upset that I walked by a parking spot just before they decided to pull in. I politely told him, "Pedestrians have the right away, " and then I stupidly yelled, "Why don't you just go away already?" 🤦‍♂️I just hate those situations, cause then everyone else has to stare at me and be afraid to be around me as if I was the problem. Like you know, sorry for standing up for myself, I guess.🤷‍♂️

[JewelBlueIbanez]

My mom sent me a birthday card that said on the front, “Be Happy, Daughter”. I got mad at it for telling me to be happy. 😂

[nicolettehare]

I don’t even name my feelings and reactions but when you clarify it, everything makes sense. 😅

[Brainjoy]

PDA for cleaning up a hotel room after a trip almost costs me my entire relationship at least once or twice a year. At this point I’d just like to work from home. I need to clean my way, at my pace. “Would it kill you to clean up early, now, ahead of time” “no, but yes!”

[kariannep]

I just love you. I wish you lived next door. I’d probably never knock but it would be a comfort.

[galespressos]

I would like so much to attend this one. I have no credit card, no bank account access, no PayPal, etc. Basically no way to make a payment to attend anything. Sounds very good though.

It’s been a huge issue with people thinking I’m dissing them (snubbing my nose and pointing buggers at them) and being disrespectful when I cannot handle these sudden requests out of nowhere unexpected and it takes me forever to get them done, while they completely forget the other things that I’ve done far beyond what most people or the normal human does, or extra I e volunteered and done on my own. Basically all my efforts get eased and wasted. It’s caused serious issues recently, so bad that I’m having to consider no longer existing. It’s been that bad. Anyhow, this demand avoidance (wish it were not called that because it makes it sound like it’s willful and intentionally not trying when it is quite the opposite). In urgent need of work and housing right now. Seriously. All because peoples egos were offended (not simply because I wasn’t capable). It’s been awful.

[jessicalingo]

This helped me out a ton! I'm autistic and I have DID (multiple personalities) one of the things about the alters forming is the child feels a sense of threat to their safety. As well as prolonged childhood abuse. It has been difficult to accept that something was so traumatic that I felt it was a threat to my safety. The explanation of demands being seen as so intense it can be seen as a threat makes a lot of sense.

[noracola]

I'm basically allergic to anyone's desire for the projected course of my actions to be altered, influenced, or even acknowledged in any way. 😥

Imagine how freeing it would be if everyone could mind their own business except to offer kindness (not advice) when needed.

[er]

I know exactly what he's talking about with the overstimulated yelling. When I'm making supper, and the kids are bickering, and my husband wants to talk about the car's a/c problem, and baby wants me to help her put on a costume.... And then the cat runs behind me and I drop something trying not to fall over it. That's going to be a yelling time! Aaaaah, GET OUT I CAN'T