Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Misconceptions

I recently saw a video that touched on pathological demand avoidance, also commonly referred to as PDA. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is a pattern of behavior in which we go to extremes to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand. Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is most often seen in people with autism, but certain traits also have been seen with people with ADHD and other sensory processing disorders. In this video I will talk about what PDA is, why it's often searched with ADHD and autism, strategies that can help those with pathological demand avoidance, and what it's like living with PDA. Do you or someone you know live with PDA? Share about your experience in the comments.

0:30: 🧠 Understanding the challenges of Pathological Demand Avoidance in individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
4:11: 💡 Understanding the challenges of individuals with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
8:24: 🧠 Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance and its impact on individuals with sensory processing challenges.
12:59: ⚙️ Strategies to cope with PDA: reverse psychology, preemptive actions, role-playing as a character.
16:23: 🧠 Understanding and managing pathological demand avoidance through creative strategies and autonomy.
Recap by Tammy AI

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[angus]

"We are most comfortable and regulated when we get to do the things we want to do in the order that we like to do them" - this is SO relatable.

[foreversweaterweather]

For me something that helps is if someone asks me to do something I say no, then do it anyway. Saying no makes me feel like I've taken back control of the situation, if I said no I don't have to do it, but then I do it because I didn't really mind doing it. Also I always thought I was like this because I was messed up from being forced into things so much and never having control over my body, I am shocked that this is something that has a name and that other people experience!!!!

[Jennifer-swge]

Almost every time I watch one of your videos you take away a fragment of the excuses I have to despise myself. I hope you understand how powerful your videos are in learning to identify and make peace with the traits that I struggle with and in learning ways to manage and cope with them. The sense fellowship I gain from you and your knowledge is priceless. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Be well. ❤

[laura.bseyoga]

I've struggled with this all my life - I was called "contrary", "stubborn", "lazy" & "difficult" by my parents & I almost believed them. I've worked out that if I have several tasks to do (eg vacuuming, washing & gardening) I'll feel really avoidant of at least one of them, so I do something else instead - that way a task still gets done, even if it's not the one I was originally thinking of doing. My thought process is something like "what can I do instead of the demand?" I've also become extremely skilled at subtly subverting rules so they feel less demanding - like at a job where jewellery was not allowed, I wore a toe ring that no one but me knew about 🤣

[Jose-lib]

Holy sh*t. As a parent living with a 21yo son. I can clearly see why our son has always behaved this way day in and day out. My wife and I have been racking our brains as to trying to figure out why our son wasn't behaving like a "neurotypical" teenager/young adult! You have opened up my eyes, and as his dad, i have a better understanding of how to deal with this dynamic in our family. I have said so many mean things to him. And as a parent, I'm a bit heartbroken about how I've treated him in the past. Can you provide any additional resources for us as parents? Thank you so much for shedding a light on this spectrum that we were never made aware of in our community.

[valentinagiovanardi]

I just realized that being annoyed by people unexpectedly talking to me while I'm doing other things is part of PDA. I feel comfortable having a conversation only when in my mind it is "talking to people time, " not when other people spontaneously want to talk. I know it's toxic and kind of self centered, but I don't know how not to feel that way.

[MissMiisha]

I clicked on this not knowing a thing and I cannot believe that there is an actual term for one of the biggest issues I’ve ever dealt with. I’m mind blown

[Authentistic-ism]

Thank you for making ASD affirming content. This means so much coming from a mainstream channel <3

[radiofreeutah]

A couple of ideas that work with my son:

"We need to do 'x, ' how can I help?"

"You need to do 'x, ' do you want to finish your game first."

"Can you help me out with this big job by doing 'x' a small part of the job?

[EquippedwithStrength]

I legit have this, even to demands I place on myself 😖 As soon as I speak what I want to do, I immediately rebel against the expectation that it has to be done now. And I can’t help it!

[catserver]

I've never heard something described that explains how my mind and emotions feel every single day. I've tried to explain this very process my brain goes through to many therapists, and it never seemed to make any sense to them. This is exactly how I feel much of the time. The only part that I feel differently is that in that first scenario, if I was doing something and someone asked me to do it while I was actually doing it or if I had already done it, I get extremely panicked because I DID THE THING. Didn't you see me doing the thing? Don't you see the thing is done? Then I start thinking did I do the thing? If no one is going to see if I do the thing, why am I doing it? And on and on. And I freeze and am unable to do more things.

[EyesOfByes]

There is ONE major odd advantage with this behaviour: I have the energy to reject all browser cookies individually..
"F*** you Website, you're not gonna f-ing track me. Dont you dare tell me you want my data"

[kgerrish]

Hi Kati, I have ASD with PDA and want to say this is very accurate and it resonates with my lived experiences. PDA is a constant struggle, especially with convincing myself to not do the thing I want to do so I can do it. I really need to be in a relaxed and secure mindset, and I've been on a journey for a while now to be my true self, and this has helped with it very much. I think this is the case because I am more confident about my thoughts. Thanks for posting great content, and have a great week! :)

[KazanaAoi]

I don't know how much this affects my life overall, or what coping methods I've unknowingly adopted to deal with it... But I 100% identify STRONGLY with that instantaneous "Nope." feeling/sensation when someone tells me to do something I was about to do/on my way to doing/in the middle of doing. It's overwhelming and unmanagable and it caused me so many problems growing up. Even now, I sometimes am on my way to do the dishes and my mother will go "hey the dishes need to be done if you have a moment" and every iota of interest and drive I had to do that task (which I often have spent hours or even days working myself up to doing) just goes out the window instantly. It's so frustrating because my mother absolutely takes it as defiance and laziness.

[Kotifilosofi]

Not only did I realize I probably have PDA, but also realized that I already use all those tricks to alleviate it mentioned in the end of the video 😂

I struggle with it even now than I'm living by myself, but back when I still lived with my parents, it often grew to an excruciating pain because everything happens spontaneously with people and I had never time to prepare or to use any of those tricks in order to carry out a task, it felt like I was supposed to "be ready for everything at any given moment", which was overwhelming.

Thank you so much for these videos. It feels so healing to find explanations to your past struggles.

[donloughrey]

My autistic son experiences this. It is quite disabling at times. School has been a difficult journey but he managed to get through it with great support until now in his senior year. He tests at A+ but his grades border on failing.
Administrators and teachers need to be made more aware of this and learn that this is not a discipline problem but a disorder. Most of his teachers where amazing but every once in a while not so. Thanks Kati

[MsCatCart]

Tricks like reverse psychology don't work for me because they feel patronizing. I'm ALL about that fantasy character deal though. That's my favourite coping tool.❤

[calliope]

This explains a lot. I was diagnosed with autism at 12, but I was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder when I was little. I do think there is another important component to this PDA thing: When it comes to children, the way adults react can amplify it, and cause it to become a vicious cycle. A lot of adults have the tendency to project heavily onto children, and to take children's behavior very personally. I have noticed that when other adults are being difficult, people are more likely to see it as a reflection of that person, or what they are going through. But if a child shows even a little bit of defiance, many adults will get incredibly triggered by that child, and start treating them more harshly and more condescendingly from that point onward. Then, the child feels alienated, misunderstood, and controlled, and they have all that much less reason to make an effort to be cooperative. I don't struggle with PDA nearly as much now as I did as a child, and a big part of this is that I am adult now, and most people are choosing to communicate with me in an adult-to-adult fashion. When I do encounter someone who has a punitive demeanor, my past sense of self comes flooding back, and it is much more difficult to regulate my reactions.

[bernard]

I'm autistic and didn't think I had PDA when I first learned about it because being told what to do doesn't bother me in certain contexts, like at work. But Morgan's TikTok was a really good illustration of it. If someone tells me to do something that I'm already doing, it always triggers my fight response.

[dominiqueveret]

76 years old and, thanks to your video and the comments, i'm suddenly striken by the réalisation that my behaviour, often borderline, can be explained, understood, that i'm not a monster as i see myself.
That the despération and the anger have somehow a reason, that i'm not alone to react and refuse to act or decide with so much violence.
I've seen few psychiatrists, i still see one.Never heard the name of those symptoms before i found you.
I feel it's kind of late to put a name on my behaviour, but now that i know, i can try to find a way to work on it, for my own sake and those who love me ....
Thank you from France.