Complex Trauma Sixty Characteristics - Part 9/11

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Why do we 'beat ourselves up' and criticize ourselves so harshly?

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[yourenough]

People relapse because they need a vacation. This makes so much sense. It gets tiring faking your way through life. People pleasing gets so tiring.

[TheViolettowne]

I just discovered Tim Fletcher a couple of days ago. I can't stop watching because it is perfect.for being a member of Adult Children of Alcoholics, the child of a narcissist and in Codependent recovery. I can even sit through some of the bible stories which have never been interesting for me before. He takes everyone else's work and explains it so simply and sensibly. He reminds me before I knew about recovery and I heard John Bradshaw decades ago.

[Tripp]

This explained everything. My mother NEEDED me sickly so that she could be the hero.

[robertafierro]

Your whole goal is to be HAPPY. To pull yourself out any kind of situation that keeps you down is an admirable thing.. youll.never get that pat on the back from others. You learn how to.evaluate the whole thing and eventually you pay yourself on the back!

[yourenough]

I am so beyond blessed i found this channel, so much insightful content. ❤

[clairethompson]

I have BPD and these videos have been like the penny dropping thank you :)

[Vladimyrful]

Don't mind me making a note for myself:

Self criticizm puts you in a lose-lose situation by which you're never good enough (e.g. you're anxious about something "you're a coward if you don't do it!") it immediatelly correlates your decision with your character, which of course, doesn't make any sense. Confident people pick their battles and avoid situations they dislike all the time. The problem and the skill to learn is: I can't tell the difference when the challenge is appropriate and when it's not, my anxiety would literally tell me that I'm a coward if I refuse to fight a lion (because some ideal in my head would do that).

[petertordjunehag]

Tim is like a modern Buddha, just a huge talent, almost a savant, in psychology. He seems to see everything in 3d, how it all connects. Extremely grateful sitting in Sweden and, in my 2nd language, finally finding all those pieces to the puzzle. Incredible ❤

[billyb]

I confess it's hard not to feel judged when this gentleman is calling people with CPTSD out. I'm sure it's not meant to be that way. I have to catch myself and realize that (although it's my responsibility to heal) it wasn't my fault.

Sometimes my biggest fear is that what I went through was just "not a big deal" . And that it's all just me and that I am weak and broken. But when I tally things up correctly, I realize I've been very strong. Now I'm left learning how to live in a world that doesn't require the same coping skills.

I guess that's why many war veterans suffer from mental illness. They have learned coping skills in an environment that is far more stressful than what society demands of them.

I'm still learning to accept that I managed to do my best. In fact, it's amazing I turned out as sane as I did.

[ANinjasMom]

I've been listening to this series a few days now and I keep wanting to send the videos to my mother. There is no point though. She's always right. It took me 40 years and a wonderful husband to realize the damage she has done. She blames her ex husband but all the manipulation, withholding love, making me apologize when I wasn't wrong ("do it for me"), never validating me. If I performed well in any area of life, it was expected and never celebrated. I am the scapegoat. She has wished me dead many times and yd me her other children are perfect. I ruined her marriages. Everything that was wrong at home was because of me. Her ex husband couldn't love her properly because I exist. Instead of him being the bad one, I was. I am happier now more than ever by not having contact. She cannot break me down. Although, she has completely ruined my name with her lies and probably still does, I do not care for the people she has told these lies. They are the problem along with her.

[residenthillbilly]

Growing beyond the partner who doesn't grow with you. It happened in my story and that marriage ended.

[No.BlennyLover]

Thank you so much for your work. So insightful!

[MyPrimeone]

I'm so happy I found this
Great program I've ever been in since going to therapy
The thing is to acknowledge and be willing to seek help

[lewhellickson]

Cant say no to please or keep up status quo is a never ending wheel to insanity.

[jayrideau]

Tim saving all the best for last
☀️🌅♎️

[beebeeisdatpreciousbabycak]

This man is so wonderful. However, his point is so resonating bc in western society, no-one is considered worth anything unless they have certain clout or $. Which proves why so many ppl in, high powered successful careers are filled with shame and imposter feelings.

[AncientIntegrations]

They shouldn’t say anything unless you’re explicitly asking for their advice.