Should You Seek Revenge Against A Narcissist?

Often your relationship with a narcissist can be accompanied by debilitating, painful patterns. Dr. Les Carter describes how this leads to a desire for justice and closure, and this can sometimes prompt individuals to seek revenge. But in this insightful discussion, he lays out the pros and cons to seeking revenge, reminding you that you can ill afford to let the narcissist bring out the worst in you.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[realhealing]

Don't seek revenge. It's a waste of time and energy. No contact was my only option. Get out and stay out!

[duromusabc]

The best “revenge “ is to not engage in the narcissist’s toxic games and in the co dependent dance - establish your boundaries and think and act for yourself with civility and calmness and firmness and assertiveness

Just don’t engage at all with the narcissist to prop them up and appease them and make them look good - you’re not their scape goat and not their emotional punching bag

[dnorris]

The greatest revenge is not to respond at all. Kills their ploy of the day.

[dumblizzie]

I wouldn't seek revenge on a brain damaged person. Silence destroys them. They want confrontation. Walk away and let Karma deal with them🖤

[cpascal]

I once read on a forum about narcissists that it's not necessary to seek revenge against them because they live in a nightmare of their own making.

[Theqwert]

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[MM-fqgi]

Our sibling the narc, had his entire family and inlaws bought into his alternative reality, he held up the settlement of our late parent's estate for 7 years, a judge settled it for us and forced him to sign off the estate property deed during the sale of the property. He didn't get his "gift building lot", extortion didn't work. We thankfully haven't heard from him in 2 years.

[markjayw]

They end up destroying / self-destructing themselves. No need

[keeganmcintosh]

Tried calling out the narcissists last night in front of a group of people. All of them looked at me like was crazy. People who used to love and respect me. This is hands down the hardest experience of my life and I don’t even know where to start to get better

[ASMRyouVEGANyet]

Walking away and living your life on your own terms is the best revenge. These people will be alone, rotting in the nursing home and have no visitors. Just let that sink in.

[mariaawake]

Getting therapy and knowing the narcissist´s game is the best revenge in my opinion.

[nahomelion]

I would never seek revenge against a narcissist. I will have compassion towards myself for putting myself in their presence, have compassion towards them and the causes that may have contributed to them becoming this way, hope and pray they change, learn from my mistakes and understand myself better (my physical, mental, emotional, financial boundaries), and then I will try to meet my own needs so that the narcissist doesn't lovebomb me and trick me into thinking they meet my needs. Getting my needs met from outside, esecially from a narcissist is one of the most dangerous things in life.

[JanetSnakehole]

Honestly, the best revenge is indifference. They need attention to function, good or bad attention, doesn't matter. Going on a crusade to expose them just tells them they still matter to you. When you don't care anymore, it's wild how much they panic & the desperate hoovering attempts get pathetic. They need us more than we ever needed them, especially if your narcissist is your parent/s like mine. Get yourself support & surround yourself with emotionally mature people. Make your world bigger, as I'm sure your narcissist kept it small as they so often do. Their karma is delivered daily in the form of the non stop quest for narc supply & having no sense of self.

[lorrieh]

“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” -Nietzsche
I freed myself from the need for revenge by recognizing that I would be well within my right, but then I become no different by acting just like them.
My revenge is to be happy and to make that person irrelevant in my happy life.

[izawaniek]

A life well-lived far away emotionally, mentally and, If possible physically, is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Removing ourselves from the drama, trauma and chaos narcisists create and minding our own business are the things to aim for. Thank you dr Carter❤

[aaronkwolfe]

Consensus here is “No” and I’d agree. Seeking revenge would confirm what a narcissist thinks of us. It’s not who I am.

[goldilocks]

Never. There are some cases, however, where going after them legally is necessary. In those cases, let the lawyers/law enforcement handle it (custody issues, fair divorce settlement, stalking, contesting a will, etc.). Absolutely without question, the best reaction to a narcissist is no reaction. It is what they hate and dread the absolute most.

[wayneelliott]

Someone said "Would you wrestle with an alligator?" If you take the narc on, that's what you are doing. Its' in their nature to fight, they'll fight dirty and there is no low they won't stoop to. They've spent their lives perfecting those skills. I totally get the desire for revenge and have had some delightful daydreams on what I would do to the narc in my life if all the tools were available, but realistically, to act on it means I'm chaining myself to them and we can never be certain of how things end up. My silent contempt and studied indifference is about the best weapon I have.

[lynnfincham]

Dr c I feel seeking revenge is an empty emotion because to apply revenge means your angry inside enough to want to apply it . Thus making yourself more upset dealing with a revenge .
Let it go, Seek peace 🥀

[Miniver]

Don't waste your time or energy pursuing a vendetta against a narcissist. All it will do is gratify their ego (they'll get a perverted delight knowing you've become that deeply fixated on them) and you'll end up lowering yourself to their behavior. Leave them, and focus on yourself.