For Anyone Who Feels Rejected or Invisible in Dating

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Dating doesn’t feel magical and fun when nothing seems to be going our way.

Sometimes it feels as though love and attention come easy to everybody else, meanwhile, for us, dating feels like a string of painful rejections or endless cycles of feeling used and overlooked.

The reality is that some people simply have an easier time in dating than others. So if you are someone who doesn’t identify with getting a lot of attention or having much luck, how can you combat the insidious feeling of panic that it simply won’t happen for you?

If you relate to this, today’s new video will provide a much-needed boost. It will help you overcome the pain of frequent rejection and reframe the situation you’re in so you can feel hopeful again.

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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 1:31 – When We Feel Invisible
1:31 – 2:14 – Overcoming the Fear of Rejection
2:14 – 4:05 – A Comparison
4:05 – 5:12 – You’re Not Supposed to Be for Everyone
5:12 – 7:38 – Your “Prescription”
7:38 – 9:14 – Permission to Get Rejected
9:14 – 10:41 – It Isn’t Just a Numbers Game
10:41 – 12:24 – When You No Longer Feel Like Your Best Self
12:24 – 14:35 – Investing in Yourself

[stuartmartin]

“If you’re for most people you’re doing something wrong.” So true.

[mathildelingrand]

I feel like we never speak about the issue of NOT actually meeting anyone, so many people struggle in manifesting one single date, they don't even have the opportunity to experience failure in relationship. It could be good to address this as well, as it is a reality for so many people even if they're socially active.

[TheVioletMagic]

It's not just rejection, it's struggling to find men that interest me as well

[AryaDeVil_EN]

This video came in the perfect time. Thank you for reminding us that we’re aren’t for everyone. A lot of shame comes from rejection but that shame goes away when we remind ourselves that it shouldn’t reflect our personal value.

[nickus]

Exactly what I feel lately. It's frustrating to go over the same experience again and again. It is hurtful to meet someone, get along, have same values and goals in life, build an amazing connection, only to end up alone without even a chance and with "I don't feel the same". The problem is you start to doubt yourself, your self-worth, start asking yourself what you could have done better. You lose trust in others and yourself. I do believe though that I have a lot to offer and I can be a great partner.

[josephhiller]

I'm 21 and felt depressed for being rejected 6 times in a row. For a while I thought that there was something wrong with me until I had the desire to work on my goals instead of having the pressure to look for a relationship. Now I'm feeling happy because I know that the right person will come in the future. If there is a young person like me reading this, please, ignore the pressure of finding a partner and start focusing more on yourself. You don't know where life is going to take you and I promise that you will meet the right person at the right time.

[gamarjamil]

I am not dating or active sexually but listening to you helped me to think differently about life in general...Thank you

[FiTTWithHannah]

Take care of yourselves, workout, heal your mind and body so when the ‘right’ person comes you are at your best and without any issues ❤️

[HannehYA]

I'm a 30 year old woman, childfree/voluntary childless, a far-left socialist and feminist, proudly introverted and don't have a need for constant external stimulation, I feel like I don't value most of the things others my age value like traveling a lot (I view that as a form of escapism combined with hedonism, and it's ignorant due to the state of the climate); I value intentional/slow living and authenticity + transparent and assertive communication and high emotional intelligence - and it just feels like I'm trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Most men I meet and see on the dating apps can't live up to any of these points, they aren't compatible with me; I get told a lot from guys that I'm not like the usual woman (???), that I'm "refreshing" and they want to date me cause I'm "interesting" or almost exotic in contrast to what they are used to, and it's honestly tiring cause they don't want to date me because their own values align with mine. Most people on the dating apps don't even write anything in their profile or about their values, if they do write something about themselves it seems to be the same f*** things as everyone else: I like to travel, I like beer, I like concerts, my family, sports or dogs followed by a long string of emoji's.

I have been on tons of dates, and there is always something missing like physical attraction, incompatible communication styles, misaligned ideological views or lifestyles etc. I almost feel like giving up.
I will though keep my head up and keep on going, and try to trust that there is also someone for me who lives up to my standards.
He's just REALLY difficult to find.

As an add on: One off the most frustrating things about this is, that while I'm trying to uphold my standards, and have spent years (10+ now) single, not able to find a compatible partner - I get to see all of my friends and people around me find partners, break up and find a new partners - most of them don't really think about having aligned core values or looking for other things than chemistry - but it just looks so easy for them, and I so envy the love they get to experience, while I stay single until I meet someone right for me.

[djs]

I've been single and haven't dated for many years, you're right about not wanting to try anymore, too many times I've been told I'm not what they're looking for. But it doesn't make me feel unworthy or worthless. It just makes me feel uninvited. I've kept my sense of purpose, and still have some goals that I've accomplished. I've maintained my financial independence but the one thing I want to do is SHARE my life and just haven't met the one that will say, "Yes" to that.

[mariapericleous]

"Chamelionizing!" Yes, it's a thing! I love the word, it's so expressive! <3

[paintmyheartout]

I think one of the bravest things we can do in life is not compromise our worth, just because we’re afraid of being alone. I’m so exhausted from constantly being forced into my masculine yet shamed for not being feminine enough so I held his interest, and being told I literally deserves to come second in every way that counts in a relationship. After 6.5yrs of having a broken spirit, I don’t think I’d say I’ve given up. But I am exhausted enough, that I’ve completely retreated into myself and don’t want to date at all again because I just feel traumatised and I’m sick of feeling betrayed. I’m just happy to distance myself from men and reclaim my energy. I miss feeling safe enough to be feminine.
Saw your dad and brother twice in London. Love your videos. 🖤

[pistolchimp]

This all makes sense. One thing I have learned since my break up is I'm stronger than I ever knew. I'm also learning to make myself happy and I no longer need to completley rely on others to do that. I've discovered that I feel lighter and more engaged in my surroundings and I know I'm giving off a positive vibe now and it feels great. One day I'll meet someone but until that day I'll keep on being me.

[katrina]

5 years ago I had such an active dating life and I felt desired, but at the same time I was just miserable. I tried to fit the “perfect girl” stereotype and be as the men want me to be. Now I rarely have dates and feel like dating pool is very shallow, but I am the most authentic I have ever been and also my mental health is way better. Better to be authentic and not for everyone than a people pleaser and desired by everyone.

[manic]

Being rejected after a date means that you are able to date, not being able to date is another problem. I have a date every other year at best, I think that hurts more than rejection itself.

[sheenam]

This guy- he speaks the truth. Lol. i watched him when i was dating over 10- 15 years ago. He's still spewing gold and why DOES HE NEVER

[happycat]

This video just popped up after I got rejected a couple of hours ago. Good timing and thank you for what you are doing, it helps enormously!

[clara_]

I actually watched this video in a different context because I am struggling with health issues, but Matt reminded me to not give up and stay in the game “in the face of all the pain”. Thank you, Matt.

[adamhall]

The giving up on yourself that happens when you hit rejections is so true I didn’t understand how far I got from self respect or even what “self care” is. It’s treating yourself like someone who matters, keeping yourself healthy and improving mentally, physically, and emotionally. Great video! You’ve earned a new sub!

[mirandah]

But what about when it seems like it was easy for other people? some people find their person in high school, college, or on their first online date. Some people didn't have to experience countless rejections, bad relationships, and dates that go nowhere. That's what gets me down. Why must it be so hard for me but not for others?