ARE YOU COMPULSIVELY HYPER-VIGILANT *AND* COMPULSIVELY SELF-RELIANT? | DR. KIM SAGE

*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:

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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. EGGSHELL PARENTS: BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)

CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available.

xo

[WarriorStrong]

The title of this video really grabbed me. Yes, totally me- hyper vigilant and hyper self reliant. I was always shamed for asking for anything as a child. My mother would respond, “who do you think you are?” If I asked for anything my ex would tell me I was so needy. I barely asked for anything. Now, I just don’t ask. At my old job, we had to delegate tasks, this was so hard and near impossible for me. I just did it all myself. I worked myself to exhaustion and burn out. I am always on edge.

[yvettegilbert]

I think the thing that feels threatening is that there are so many people who are not safe. I thought my husband was safe and opened up but was re-traumatized by his attitudes and behaviors. Since this is #2 for me - I am so done with any future hope. I don’t trust myself to know if someone is safe or not. They do a really good acting job and then I get sucked in. I am separated from #2 now still fighting the trauma. Working towards recovery.

[Cat]

Well! You totally described my life and my inner self. Every little bit was an enormous realization. I’m late in my life now and there is no one that cares to understand or even listen. It’s an odd feeling.

[chuck]

What a crying shame for any child to go through. I know for sure since what's being described is exactly what had happened to me. It's amazing how parents through the previous generations brought with them so much dysfunctionality. Where in the past, did all this insanity originate?

[As-hymn]

This has really opened my eyes into how I feel most of the time, constantly stuck in fight, flight or freeze due to several years of growing up in a unsafe household and trying to manage my dads destructive and unpredictable behaviour towards me Thankyou for helping me and others and spreading awareness! ❤

[chuck]

Can you imagine sharing any of this to a potential partner for the sake of being in a relationship. I'd think they would just stay long enough to leave.

[santasantinagatta]

I believed my childhood trauma was behind me- with the videos, I am seeing this is not the case. I am however peeling the onion layer by layer.

[naturalebeing]

You couldn’t have described my childhood any better. “Eggshell parenting”. My alcoholic dad did some damage but I do think a lot of my attachment issues come from my mom, because my dad just neglected us, my mom was so volatile. Plus she would just watch as my dad picked fights and - literally - dragged me to my room. My mom had *a lot* of unresolved trauma of her own, so I don’t blame her, but she would go from 0-100 REAL FKING QUICK. Any little thing would set her off. And she’s still like that today. We have a great relationship but I do walk on eggshells with her because she’s extremely sensitive/defensive and that could end with her blowing up at me or stonewalling me for days/weeks/who knows. That was the hardest part in childhood, when she would give me the silent treatment. I cannot stand when people do that to me these days, it’s so so triggering. I’m starting to realize that when I get into relationships with people like that, my anxious side comes out. When I’m in relationships with people who aren’t like that, my avoidant side comes out more. The guy I’m with now is very sensitive/defensive and I find myself feeling super anxiously attached with him and I hate it. I hope we can work through that because it makes me feel so out of control and vulnerable. At least when I’m in my avoidant energy I feel like I have power, I’m not so emotionally charged. Of course I want to just be secure, though.

[HeavenlyMe]

Omg you should have a channel just for Coco 😻

[yochana]

I just saw a course ad for this in which my attachment style was called fearful avoidant. Thank you for helping me understand myself and the difficulties I’m having in my current relationship in light of my attachment style.

[catherinegrace]

This helps me understand those CONSTANT swings I had w/ several partners. Realizing I have an "Auto-switch" on Up/Down of WALLS Thanks again Dr. Kim. You are the best fit for me on Youtube

[laurah]

Kim, what is so brilliant to hear from you is your surprise, and what sounds like regret and disappointment, of only discovering these things now. It helps me to cope with only learning all this stuff now too

[Sunnyday]

Very helpful. I identity with this greatly. Making meaning out of little things is something that has gotten me into trouble with others and I am actively working on that. I didn’t even realize I did it.

[vivianworden]

It's disheartening to allow a person to help only for them to be either reminded to step in or they do a half ass job and they think its a Renaissance masterpiece where you're required to grovel in gratitude. 😅

[jameswayton]

Can anyone tell me what to do if your trust is betrayed over and over again till the point you can literally not trust people anymore? I can't think of anything that works.

[horsehangout]

Dr Kim thank you so much for your videos that involve disorganized attachment. You really understand and describe the swings and relationship ramifications better than any other therapist (real life, internet). I love how you connect the style to styles of parenting, share your personal struggles, and give practical advice. Ive gotten myself on the right path finally connecting with deep childhood desires. Your videos are a great compass, thank you again❤❤❤

[crayonofdarkness]

Wow, this video is so valuable. Daughter of a disorganized attachment mom and this resonates so deeply. The caretaking and eggshells is so hard to break free from. I had to cut all contact with my mom because she is so unsafe and unpredictable and that pattern was actually harming ALL my other relationships when I still had contact.

[manyBlessingsall]

Wow. Thank you. More pieces of the puzzle. Feeling really sad. Thanks for being encouraging as well. There I go, somehow bypassing my feelings again. I'm feeling really sad 😢

[IzelleDuvenage]

A big hello to Coco, she is beautiful!

[HeavenlyPresley-Tonya]

Puzzle Pieces - Parents abandoned us kids I was 10 Sibs 9 and 6 I became the Mom - Hypervigilant started there worrying and carrying about them - Prior I thought our family was loving -- and never expected especially My Parents to be Like Dad leave - Mom comes home randomly Dad was SO LOVING - MOM Detached - No Food etc - I was on Panic Mode constantly - Then SA As A Child age 12-14 - Never had a close relationship with parents due to I was a failure to my Dad always wrong juding me for everything I did - putting me down - Mom just no love hugs etc distant -- then Gang R age 17 The 2 Partners that D/V and S/A'd Me ---- SO Its a lot I have Bipolar 2 CPTSD BPD but --- With My Boys now 27 and 33 I was that MOM that was so protective etc and gave them constant love - now I am remembering more things and I DEPEND ON MY YOUNGEST SON TO MOTHER ME AND GIVE ME ATTENTION ETC WHERE HE HAS MIRRORED MY BEHAVIORS AND IS MORE DETACHED LONER - HE TRIGGERS ME IF I FEEL ANY LITTLE THING HE DOES IS LIKE WHAT MY DAD DID --- SO ITS ME FEELING GUILTY THAT OMG I DO THIS AND HE'S LEARNED BEHAVIORS FROM ME AND I TOO CRY ALL THE TIME SO EASILY HSP --- JUST GOES ON AND ON