Narcissistic Transference & Countertransference | FRANK YEOMANS

Frank Yeomans defines transference and countertransference and explains how they might be experienced when dealing with a narcissist, whether in a therapy environment or otherwise. And most importantly: how the experience can be used by a skillful therapist to empathize more deeply with a patient.

We talked with Frank Yeomans about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Frank Yeomans is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in his practice treating NPD and BPD. In fact, he co-wrote the manual on TFP for Borderline Personality Disorder!

[OffTheRailGaming]

Frank Yeomans is such a likeable person

[afakkobyab]

a friend of mine from teens turned into ffull blown NPD and with all this information, I can clearly see how that "structure" ate him up. He vanished completely and replaced by false self, the structure, around age of 22 and I had to end my friendship around that time. They became black holes, nothing there, nobody there. Your friend is not there, or mom or dad, sibling, there is nothing there. This is the most painful experience to go through especially when you lack the information and education about cluster B personality disorders: you keep searching for someone that you won't ever going to find. Thanks to few channels like this and few books, learning about all this, makes pain go away.

[hissyfitz]

⭐️⭐️⭐️”First stage of narcissistic transference is that the other doesn’t exist.”⭐️⭐️⭐️

[sabelafidalgo]

To understand this is a priority when dealing with bullies, it saves so much suffering to the victims.

[da]

I really wish there was more Frank Yeomans content on YouTube. He describes projective identification / transference so beautifully.

[BBFCCO]

I always felt nothing when speaking to some people. No connection. I thought it was me. It makes sense now. I wish I would be able to live in my self and not in the reality of other's.

[castaway]

This reminds me of how narcs will cry when you catch them in a betrayal or lie, they don't want to have to apologize, so they lash out, or, they cry in an attempt to elicit feelings of pity. That way it puts the victim in the role of playing 'comforter' when in reality, they are the ones in need of an apology and of comfort. This is what is meant by 'crocodile tears'. It's not that they are not crying real tears and really upset, but, it's all a manipulation to avoid facing the music.

[julientyt]

Finally, someone who's not bashing narcs while explaining what it is. Thank you!

[tmyoshimura]

“I’m really not a horrible monster but she is dealing with that as a part of her internal world”

[LXSeaV]

Just wow ... I've read and watched a lot of information on narcissism and this is really the best information I've seen on it. My mind is being blown by each of these videos with Yeoman.

[spartacuss]

Holy cow! First time ever heard someone explain this. I thought I was going crazy.

[highway]

Wow. This is some of the most informative 3 or so minutes. Thank you. Will share.

[thewoundedhealer]

Just this one short video, it brings up so, so much, so many weird experiences of dealing with people that truly don’t see you, you don’t exist. You just don’t exist, you’re a cardboard cutout they talk at, they expect you to behave like that cardboard cutout they are talking at, cheer them on for doing that, etc. Surreal. Incomprehensible. Terrifying when you don’t know what, and yes, ‘what’ (not ‘whom’) you are dealing with.

[Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

It's wonderful that you were able to recognize the transference and the feeling of countertransference and dismiss the guilt-tripping in comparison to reality. But for those sensitive individuals unschooled in these types of reactions and interactions, these projections can have a traumatic, abusive effect Reality testing may be the only successful test, but perception and subconscious factors can sometimes complicate even this simple determinant.

[annjones]

Frank is a saint, I couldn't do his job.

[le_th_]

When someone calls you a monster or accuses you of being a monster, and you know you're nowhere close to a monster, RUN. If there is anything you need to gather up, gather it calmly, make idle chit-chat if you need to make it look natural, and then get the hell out and never look back.

This is true for family, "friend", acquaintance, colleague, caregiver...whoever. Get out while you can, and before they project the really twisted stuff they're guilty of onto you in an attempt to shed their shame.

What that person is telling you is that THEY are the monster.

[DF-fpcg]

Yes.brilliant. This feeling can last for days, months or evertime you're around them.
When my narcissistic sibling went on holiday I finally felt like my free old self again. It was one of the biggest awakenings of my life.

[stuartcochrane]

Just out of a relationship with a narcissist. Fair to say life is so much better

[MilliVanilli]

That was the best example of how this works that I have heard- and I really needed to hear one. Now I get it.

[KonjikiKonjiki]

I am so glad these videos exist, I feel the lexicon we can draw on to describe PW NPD, people who exhibit narcissistic pathology, or live with cPTSD with narcissistic traits, this lexicon helps us understand while not making PW NPD feel mischaracterised. Transference and countertransference are slippery concepts to me, but hearing Dr. Yeoman's example really clarified and brought home the times in my life this could have been at play.