You'll Never Find the Perfect Partner

You'll never find the perfect partner. Don't worry, it's more positive than you think!
We're obsessed with romanticism, believing that we must try find our soulmate, or "the one" destiny has in store for us. This rigid ideal of the perfect partner is damaging our dating lives.

00:00 The harsh truth
01:32 My old ideals
02:42 Why 'Perfect' isn't the best
03:06 Only friends can be flawed
04:57 When the flame goes out
05:57 Settling for less
07:27 Imperfection is positive
08:00 Love is hard work?

We should focus on self improvement and being a better partner instead of fitting someone else into our strict standards. Too much romanticism creates disappointment, heartbreak, frustration and higher rates of divorce. The perfect person for you might not have all the traits you expect - in fact, it's often true that opposites attract. We can't choose who we love at first, but when the initial spark and flame you first felt with your loved one starts to fade . . . that's when love is a choice. The perfect boyfriend or girlfriend isn't someone who fits your fantasies or ideals, they're someone who loves you despite your flaws and puts in effort to make the relationship work.

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🌹 WHAT I'M ABOUT
I'm Emmy Hucker, a 19 year old Kiwi with an aim to capture honest stories, explore ideas through an impartial lens and cultivate a global community to share experiences with!

[JesusFriedChrist]

Exactly. You just have to find someone you’re compatible _enough_ with, but even that still requires work and tons of compromise.

[SuperExodian]

not only will i never find the perfect partner, i'll probably never find a partner.

i have absolutely 0 clue how to get to meet new people, let alone meet women.
and i used to be pretty damn popular too, back in school.

[finzar]

"I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped." (Gestalt prayer)
I love this 'prayer', it has really resonated with me ever since I heard it - and from what you were saying in this video, I felt it had the same theme running through.
Really awesome content and style Emmy, new sub!

[av]

Friendship keeps a relationship youthful in a way, my parents are total opposites too! But somehow they’ve made it last for 30 + ish years now. They still talk to each other like their best friends, kiss each other and giggle, and laugh together like the other is the funniest person in the room.

[Law-of-EnTropy]

It's funny how all I really want in a romantic relationship is someone I can be comfortable with my flaws and be the same for them. Which is not far from close friends. In a way, at least for me, romantic relationships are just friendships with extra steps.

[PaddysPubPatron]

"I've been searching for a heart of gold, and I'm growing old." Mood 😢

[GeorgeDunn]

“For the majority of people, what they love exists only in the imagination. The object of their love is not the man or woman of reality, but what he or she is like in their imagination. The person in reality is just a template used for the creation of this dream lover. Eventually, they find out the differences between their dream lover and the template. If they can get used to those differences, then they can be together. If not, they split up. It’s as simple as that.” ~ Liu Cixin

[scootertart]

Yep spot on there Emmy, I was once told by someone that 'the perfect partner exists only in your mind', once you get to get to grips with that statement - things do get a lot easier. Cool content as always - cheers from the UK

[urbanverbal]

Never give your body away on the first, second or third date. Going too quickly into physical intimacy leads to relationships that fizzle out quickly. Date someone for who they are today not who they might be in the future. Lots of people say they are going to do things and then never get around to them. Don't commit too quickly. Let them earn your time. Something given for free has no value and is easy to throw away. Thanks for posting - your grumpy old friend.

[LowDoughTech]

My view of my parents marriage was the opposite of your experience, mine should not have been together. Two toxic people who amplified each others toxic traits. I got my ideas on what a relationship "should be" from postmodern fiction, which is its own set of problems.

Partnership definitely isn't for everyone. I went through the majority of my life trying to find someone who could "make me happy". If a relationship ended, I would immediately try to fill that void with seemingly anyone else, just to not be alone.

I finally broke that cycle and replaced "needing someone" with focusing on goals and doing things that I like to do. I started traveling and learning new things, and now I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone, it just feels like it would be a hinderance more than anything.

We're fed too many nonsense notions from Hollywood, and this leads to toxic views on what relationships "should be". Being happy alone is much better than having a "fulfillment" that is reliant on someone else.

[wunder]

We are not that strict about our friends because we can have multiple friends. You can have one friend for fun activities and one for deep emotional talks for example. If you could have multiple wives I would be happy to have a good looking one, an intelligent one and one that is good at cooking. I'm kidding. Kind of.

[DavidMFChapman]

You are wise beyond your years. To make a life partnership, you do better if the individuals are complementary rather than identical. It just makes sense. You don’t need perfect, only good enough. The rest takes work. Who you meet depends a lot on sheer luck. It’s up to you where you take it. Ultimately, you need to choose each other.

[Scribe]

Very true...nothing is perfect in this world...or any other world that I know of. The word perfect only exists to be a thorn in our minds...a stone mortar for us to grind ourselves upon...to find ourselves upon...and to bind ourselves till dawn

[diabolusfornacis]

Common goals and values. If both people want the same thing and value the relationship as a means to achieve their common goals then it will work because they will put in the work to make the relationship work. If your primary goals are outside the relationship then you're destined for hard times.

[taylorsukoshi]

Don't know what you have done with your audio, but you sound as smooth as butter now.

[yaboyjonez]

Emmy, I Huckin' love your content.

[piratewhoisquiet]

The rub is when you do find your hypothetically ideal partner, and it turns out you hate them, because you had no idea what you actually wanted in the first place. The kick, though, is being the hypothetical ideal partner. Not getting what you want is the second worst thing that can happen to a person, the worst thing is getting it.

[homestead.design]

Can't wait for the Poly video, 20 years experience here. Would love to share thoughts.

[QuirkyRobots.]

Before you stopped dating #Odysee, you should have sat down and talked about it. When that initial feeling cools down or things get a little rocky, that's when love is a choice. We end up being more patient once we realise this perfect ideal we've have in our heads doesn't exists, and we shouldn't expect content streaming services to be smashed in to what we want. This knowledge prevents us from punishing the platform for not fitting in to our ideals, and also allows us to open up and make compromises for services we really care about. We can't chose who we love, it just happens out of nowhere, but maybe you could still be friends?

[DevlVergil]

But what should you do if you can't manage to fall in love with someone that's less than the ideal? Tuning down some standards is easier said than done, because most of it's not your conscious standards that decide whether you can see yourself romantically with a person or not. I could obviously tell myself that finding a decently looking girl with good and fitting values should be enough but what's the meaning behind the relationship if I also don't feel what i actively think.