some narcissists may refuse to help you with the kids even if you live under the same roof

[shantefleming]

It’s so true!!!! I remember asking for him to please help pick up one of the kids from school because I can’t make it to both the schools in enough time and our daughters school was going to start punishing her for me being late everyday picking her up and he yelled at me that I didn’t care that after got off of work at 2 that he was tired and needed to take a nap I was being selfish. I was so conditioned to shut down any argument that I just said fine sorry I asked. Like why was I sorry for asking my husband father of my children to do something for our kids??? It was wild .

[ghdodo]

Thank you for bringing this up, Lee. Selfishness is the narcissist's middle name!

[kadebebesis]

Happened to my Mom. (She was also being abused) after awhile, you start to realize “I’m doing everything on my own, you are no partner to me and give nothing back, I might as well be on my own doing this instead. Because I at least get the benefit of peace by not dealing with you.”

[anonymoususer]

My workload reduced tremendously when i divorced my ex. Like i actually had free time, something i never had at all in the relationship.

[Brownsuga]

OMG THIS IS SO TRUE!! I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE!!! When I pointed it out he suddenly started putting it all on the kids. He started saying well the kids need to parent themselves and each other. And that they were old enough to do it for themselves. THE MIND GAMES ARE REAL!

[shondreailwilliams]

This is so true! He used to get angry with me saying that I’m acting like a single mother, however when I asked him to do a certain thing for our child, he would get frustrated so I stop asking because I’m not chasing him and begging begging to do things. He wanted me to ask, but when I ask, it was a problem (other than when I asked right after an argument about it) and when I didn’t ask it was a problem. It was stressful.

[medictwentyfive]

My work decreased when I left my narc. I keep the entire house clean now with 3 kids. Now I see who was really destroying the house, wasn't them. It was a 48yr old man!

[nateeshapavao]

This was exactly how my marriage was. I did everything 💯 % alone. I felt like I was taking care of 2 children instead of 1.

[willadasher]

You are so right as my mama use to tell me and my friends don’t tell you new man none of the bad things you went through. Because they will always use against you when they get mad. It happened to me lesson learned

[arhafrench]

I HATED that so much about him before I left!!! I did everything to raise our kid to a 2yr old and he decided that he wanted another kid. I can't count the sunrises I saw with the kids, or how he had a headache but went to the room and turned the TV down low and was watching porn secretly. Or when I was sleeping and he'd bring the baby back 30 mins later talking about "You need to do something with this!" holding the baby out like he stunk or something. So glad I left him!

[Blindfold-Me]

Omg I’m going through this!!!! I hate the way he neglects the kids :/

[RickyR]

This is exactly what happened in my house when we were together!

[jenniferhernandez]

When the kid doesn't do what they're supposed to, you can enforce consequences. You don't clean your room, you don't get game time.

When the other parent doesn't do what they need to, there's literally nothing you can do. You can't say "You can't play games until you clean up the mess you made." They don't care and there is nothing you can do.

It's 20 times easier to keep up with household chores without him! Now, when I leave the house, it's still clean when I get home! He sat at home playing video games all day while I worked, and he would just be surrounded by trash and leftovers. When I would complain, he'd yell at our kid and tell him to come clean the mess that he'd (the adult) had actually made.

My only regret is not leaving him sooner.

[proverbs]

I am one. My husband only fights against me and the family unit. Only when something is given to the family will he be willing to participate, usually he takes it especially if it’s money. His family gives him money for the kid’s Christmas and birthdays but he’s not bought them a single thing in over three years. He doesn’t even bother to take them over for a visit on holidays but expects their presents anyways. He thinks sweeping the living room is so special but also says he shouldn’t have to do it ever. The living room is his bedroom. No one else lives in it. He gives no money he pays no bills and he buys no food. He’s anti parenting by telling me in front of my children how wrong and stupid I am and how I’m the worst mother on earth. He’s violent and smokes pot all day. He’s worst if he’s not stoned.

[rickysanders]

My own father said this best “ sometimes growing up without someone is a lot better then growing up with them and not even feeling their love or presence “….needless to say my grandpa was an abusive alcoholic when my father was a kid.

[RedApple]

That's why I had to dip. That's what was said.

[angels]

Yes I often said to my husband
“I feel like a single parent” .
Falls on deaf ears, he sees his working as doing his bit . I work too 🤷🏻‍♀️😄. I’m happy the kids are bigger now and thank me for EVERYTHING, they know 🥰

[jeangower]

That hit home. That’s one less person to take care of. Facts

[tonipapillon]

Yup! Being a single parent was SO much easier! My child was 8 when we left. I never said anything negative about her dad to her. By the time she was 10 she said I'm SO GLAD we left! Life is much better with just us! Now she's an adult and views him realistically. It still hurts to have a dad that doesn't care...but she knows what, and who, she's dealing with.

[spicyphilly]

I experienced this and they were HIS kids NOT mine. I noticed little comments he'd make about being " proud of me for stepping up to the plate" when I'd have to parent them by default because he conveniently wasn't around or if they found him to ask him for help or dinner or time with him (of course they prefer their daddys attention and care over mine, which didn't bother me at all and broke my heart that he'd ignore their needs) he'd keep putting them off for hours until it was convenient for HIM to be a responsible parent. Which was always last minute just before bed cram in dinner home work showers etc.

I had no problem helping with the kids at first, but I eventually realized I was doing more and more while he did less and less. Plus all the other BS he was pulling staying out all night, drinking and who knows what else.

I gradually phased myself out by "prompting" their Dad to remind him they needed him long before 9 or 10pm like a personal assistant.

Add in all the other crap he was leaving to me by default plus the flat out abuse it was exhausting.

So glad I held him accountable last month after his last drunken crazy making drama where he's cussing me out saying he's done trying SO EFFING HARD and he'll be back to get his things. Our new landlords witnessed this go on for HOURS. I was so ashamed I almost gave in and let him have his way just to keep him quiet. But the landlord had me on the phone and said it's not your fault he's doing this, DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR.

He eventually gave up and left. He came back late mother's day morning, didn't say a word to me for hours. Acted like nothing happened as usual. I finally asked if he's here to get his things and OH BOY the MASK FELL OFF. He got ARROGANT, started blame shifting, and pissed AT ME! After almost getting caught up in the deflection I said well I hope that bed you made is super comfy 😂 😤 🤣