3 Questions Everyone Should Ask Their Therapist

Therapist credentials and education don't matter as much as you think. What truly matters is their ability to connect, understand, and implement effective treatment strategies.

I've spent years watching therapists with impressive degrees fail their clients while less decorated professionals create lasting transformations. Through my experience as a clinical psychologist, I've identified three essential questions that separate effective therapists from those who just wing it.

In this video, I'll teach you exactly what to ask your therapist and what answers to look for. You'll learn to spot red flags and identify the right therapist who can genuinely help you heal.

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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.

But I do care.

#TherapyTips #MentalHealth #TherapyAdvice #Healing #Anxiety #Depression #SelfHelp #MentalHealthAwareness #EmotionalHealth #traumahealing

[ienergyumatter]

Recently tried therapy, told her about my dad dying the first day. 2 sessions later, she's asking if I talked to my dad. Needless to say, I don't go to that therapist anymore. That seems like something one should remember for a client.

[coquinbuddha]

The "show up and wing it" therapists are, in my extensive experience, the vast majority of therapists. I've had a number of therapists who have been in practice for 30+ years who seem to think just listening and validating my feelings is their entire job.

Granted, I have persistent clinical depression and MDD that do not respond to medications at all, so I'm not an easy case. As you've said in previous videos, much of talk therapy isn't designed for people like me. But it sure would be nice to have a therapist who didn't repeatedly tell me that there's really nothing to be done for me. I've heard this far too many times.

I've had exactly 1 therapist in my 20+ years of regular therapy who actually consistently helped me improve. Unfortunately, I was forced to move out of state and had to leave him behind. I miss him every day.

Dr. Scott, I think you're a quiet revolutionary in this field. I applaud you. Keep going.

[adamborowicz]

therapist: "my plan for your therapy is to exist and to have an office"
It was funny and sad at the same time, what you said dr Scott, because A LOT
of therapists have exactly this attiude: "just show up once a week and we'll see what happens"

[reelsonwheels]

I'm seventy seven. My first therapist was in 1964. I mention this because I have been in therapy on and off since then. The biggest problem for me is that most of the therapists in my experience operate from the fixed assumption that something is/ was "wrong" with my thinking. What a patronizing, destructive way to begin. What was "wrong" with me was my life and almost everything in it. It takes huge courage to hang in and by the time I got to therapy, I had none. . but I did continue as a seeker. My life isn't perfect now, but it is far less painful after learning the basics of taking care of myself, myself. Thank you for your honesty.

[Catherine-Terra]

Thank you in advance for addressing this. Every negative experience is a discouraging event that vulnerable or suffering people do not need to experience.

[jsch]

I’m a therapist and I’ve recommended this channel to some of my patients. There is so much bad therapy and MH information out there, and Scott’s channel is a breath of fresh air. BTW, I was “playing along” and imagining what I would say if my patients asked me those questions. They don’t, interestingly.

[empressderich]

Am really amazed at the therapist am seeing, i have only seen her for 5 sessions, and she helped me figure myself out in only the first 2 sessions. Also, she gave me a long term plan for my life in order to help improve my anxiety. Also, she is doing it totally for FREE as i wasn't in a position to pay. Talk about God sent.

[zyxwut]

The most significant question I ever have with any therapist is, "can I trust this person?" I don't need a therapist to be perfect and I'm not expecting magical results, I simply want someone who listens, who is looking to work WITH me and not simply advance their own agenda and who holds me accountable with kindness, decency and respect as we work together to help me advance my therapeutic goals. I don't need an egocentric Dr. Phil wannabe who thinks they're giving "tough love" when in reality they're simply being controlling and abusive.

[meropale]

I've had too many therapists who don't have a plan and we just chat. It's not helpful. They are always eager to schedule the next session.

[SantiagoMaria]

I just want to say: You’re brilliant, Dr Scott! You have a natural wisdom, incisiveness, and empathy — which is very rare. You also speak from your own experience, which matters much more than theoretical knowledge. Thank you for all that you do!

[annjay]

I hate being told to just "go to therapy". Yes, it sounds great in theory, but the chances of meeting a therapist that is actually competent and empathetic enough to be helpful for your specific problem are very slim. Not to mention the amount of time you have to wait until you can even meet a new therapist... Not saying that people should give up on seeking help, but man, its tough out there.

[Dr.AuMădoare]

The level of honesty on this channel....everyone must appreciate it, not only that. add to it the high quality content...Scott, you are amazing!

[LifeOfBobert]

Out of at least 20 people I've spoken to in a therapy setting, maybe two of them made a real difference. But those two made a REAL difference.

[patriciasalem]

I've had so many bad experiences with therapists and psychiatrists (ADHD) that I'm reluctant to try it again, given the enormous expense. It's not even red flag answers to questions, although I've had those too. I've been charged $150 for literally three minutes of telehealth, been shrugged off by a marriage counselor who refused to concede that I was in an abusive relationship, and hit on by my therapist on a dating app. I've only had two good experiences in this realm. One was with a sports psychologist and the other with a practitioner I found on YT in more of a life coaching setting. In my circle, the latest thing with therapists is a very gaslight-y "calm down, everything's fine" approach to legitimate worry about existential issues like the economy, political unrest, climate change, pandemics, etc. I can't afford to pay what therapists charge these days only to be told I'm a chicken little. My sister had to actually report a therapist recently for wildly inappropriate remarks concerning another sibling's potential suicidal ideation. Thank goodness for channels like yours because I'm back to bootstrapping.

[LynetteSauer-cx]

The first therapist that I ever saw I was in my twenties. I came from a very abusive siblings situation. This left me with zero self esteem. After a couple of sessions with me crying and not knowing how to verbalize, he told me just to quit whining and it was my behavior.
Fast forward into my sixties. I have found the perfect therapist and have found my peace. Don’t give up. And just medication is not the solution 🧡

[erobird]

My experience is, if therapists think they totally got you and have a fixed diagnosis for you after 45minutes, then these people are narrow-minded and overestimates themselfs.
I experienced this a lot of times and always thought it was my fault that therapy didn't work. It took me 15Years to realize none of the therapist understood me, not seeing my pretty obvious ADHD and CPTDS.
So i think if the therapist says 'i have a first impression and think xyz, but i need to get to know you more' that's a very green flag

[selah]

I have it this way: If someone is diagnosing or assing me after one hour - thats a red flag. If they have a rough idea of a sence of things - that’s an ‘okay’ flag. I dont think a therapist should be assessing unless you have requested an assessment or they have asked if you want to be assessed for something and that assessment woudl happen in the next few sessions.

[ericm]

"SHOW UP AND WING IT"... This is Exactly what I observed when my wife and daughter went to Therapy... and she was getting mad at me for feeling like I wasn't putting in effort (because I was NOT going to therapy, YET). I WAS reading everything I could to understand psychology... and I TOLD her I needed to understand more about myself first. But I don't think she believed me. Now we're kind of in reverse situation... but I actually found REAL therapy... which teaches you skills to manage your emotions and YOU figure out what YOU need... The worst part is that her pervious therapists were the "Wing It, Listen, & Validate Feelings"... That's no different than the friend who always has your back... even when they SHOULD be calling you out on your shit. She has a "better" therapist now... guess we'll see...

[JosephKirkpatrick-vo]

I never realized until watching your streams that I have been this way almost my whole life! I didn’t realize what I was going through with apathy and anhedonia wasn’t something that everyone went through at one time or the other. It never crossed my mind to even ask!! Now that I realize what is is I realize why so much of my life is just blank!! I feel ignorant for not realizing this wasn’t the status quo and there’s something actually wrong with me, which I a why I feel so broken and disconnected so much of the time!! Please keep up these videos because you are truly bringing so much into the light for me for the first time and I’m 55 years old!! I think what you are doing is amazing, at least for me and thank you for doing it!! Joseph

[gmansard]

There's one tendency alluded to here but not discussed in detail: when a therapist does little but throw your questions back at you. One time, for our first meeting I asked what his part will be in my treatment. "What do you think it should be?" was all I got.

I then said that I expected his input, his perspectives of what was going on, suggestions for what I might do, things I might read, that could address my issues.

"Sounds like you're just looking for easy answers."

That's about all he did. Saw him for a few months, and he never really answered anything. "What do you think it is?" What is that about?" What are you going to do about it?"

Then "stop saying 'I don't know' ."

The final irritation was when I expressed a serious fear that my depression would be forever, that I would never feel any better.

"You might have to accept that."

This was a frightening thought. From this point I stopped wondering if he could help me and started feeling that he didn't care about helping me. I almost walked out that moment.

I never returned. Didn't even give him the courtesy of telling him, I just never rescheduled.