What is Good Therapy?

Good therapy isn't magic--certain things need to happen in order for our brain to change. If you can be aware of what those things are, and actively try to engage them during therapy, you are more likely to have a positive experience.
Many of my clients end up coming to me because they feel their previous therapists didn't give them enough guidance. Hopefully this video can serve as that guidance and coach you on where and how to place your focus in order to achieve the deepest change. (These recommendation are particularly well-suited if you are engaging in more experiential or healing focused therapy (versus skill-building focused forms of therapy).
If you are in therapy, or thinking about therapy, watch this video! I truly hope it will speed along your process of change by helping you to find a good therapist, to go deeper in psychotherapy and ultimately help you most effectively utilize your therapy hour.

[rosathomas]

That last point about the difference between “I am dumb” and “it’s important that I persuade myself that I’m dumb” is so important because I can imagine if you work on the former with disconfirming information (evidence you’re not dumb), your protective part that actually believes the second statement could just feel even more threatened and dig its heels in. This has made me wonder why sometimes the more people say to me to be gentle and it’s ok to not push myself all the time, the more threatened I feel and the more I think I need to push myself. It’s not addressing something underneath.

[frederikroark]

1. Identify a Clear Point of Focus (something that's causing suffering)
2. Think of a Concrete Moment Where that Pattern Played Out and Revist it in Imagination
3. Explore What Your Brain Believes in that Moment (Using Mindful Internal Listening)
4. Put the Belief into a Statement
5. Revisit Statement Every Day for a Week or Two (Or Whenever Trigger Happens)
6. Introduce New Information

[Apachetribesman-wejv]

All my family has past away so I wrote them a letter letting them know the pain I had to live through. And told them I forgive them an love and miss them . I even made them a belated Christmas card letting the know how much I miss them. And I going to make them a card every Christmas I am alive . Cause they now live in my heart the safest place I know because of you.

[amandacarter-blackford]

Just love this woman she explains everything so brilliantly.

[HappyTater]

You are such a wonderful teacher. I’ve been learning a lot including some ideas that I can take back to my therapist that I think will improve our work together. We haven’t been working on implicit memory which I think has been causing me severe distress lately. You’ve also explained parts / IFS work in a way that I just couldn’t get from No Bad Parts and Self-Therapy. Thinking of parts as implicit memory makes so much sense to me. Plus you’ve laid out concrete action steps on how to change these memories both in therapy and on my own day to day. I love theory but I need direction on what I can DO about it and you’ve provided that in a very clear way. Thank you so much for making these videos! 💛

[ranicalerp]

"I must convince you that you're dumb or something bad will happen." That hit me hard! Thank you for those words!

[raluca]

This really helped me understand my therapy process and I can’t thank you enough for doing this!!

[rob-bd]

Surprised this video doesn't have more likes and views. Very good information in my opinion.

[halfmoonyogi]

I'm studying art therapy and as both an artist, as a client myself and as a clinician, I can see how the art process could be so helpful with this approach, to bring up unconscious/ limiting beliefs! Brilliant!

[andrieahjohnson]

This series has been wonderful!! As a therapist, this was so helpful!

[allyson--]

23:50 "I don't know" is a point of entry & exploration -- that was such a helpful point to make

[imppossible]

Thank you so much for these deeply transformational talks. Fear of emotions cripples so many of us. I love that it takes 20 seconds to register a positive emotion and only 1/4 second to register a negative emotion. How we are wired physiologically is so important to understand and you explain it beautifully scientifically and poetically!

[trichomaxxx]

It's so cool to see a psychologist using machine learning language!

[Jacob]

Wonderful recommendations and summary.

I'm going through IFS therapy right now (1 session per week). I'd like therapists/trainers to become mindful of the fact that more often then not people aren't just ready and able to do experiential therapy. This is often tacitly and frustratingly assumed as given by every therapeutic modality I've heard of. I know for a fact that my skill at doing IFS has improved over time, but only thanks to vipassana meditation that I do to complement it (and for other personal reasons as well). Of course a lot it has to do with me learning to discover my deep seated shame and the effects it has on me while engaged in the process of therapy. For example, before starting the IFS sessions I read a book about it. During one session therapist asked "how do you feel towards that part now?", I hesitated, got stuck, didn't know, drew a blank, because unconsciously I have assumed that by this point in the IFS process I *should* feel certain way. I thought that by expressing "I don't feel anything" I would get punished by the therapist. It felt as if I was supposed to admit a mischievous act. I felt shame and was beating myself up for not feeling the way the process was described in the book. This was really blocking my sessions and it only became better after I've realized I'm not *supposed* to feel anyhow and it's OK to just say it. Therapist didn't explicitly help me with this, it was my secondary realization because we were hitting upon a shamed part in the sessions.

[andreagut]

I have no words how your work is clicking with me. I take in a Video a day like after a long thirst. Some Childhood traumas I can work on, even though some I cant get cracked like the one' I am not enough' 'fear of making mistakes', 'afraid to show myself'. Wish I could find an Isf Therapist. But here in Germany its very difficult. Long waiting lists and there are just 3 or 4. Are there Therapists in USA I could contact. Or work with you 😊?
I want finally and now live my life and rise and shine. With 63 its time for me🙏 Thank you with all my heart. Your presence, the mind and heart behind the words is amazing. Lots of love 🙏💜

[jeffmallory]

really excellent and useful talk! I appreciate the running examples and applications you use.Thank you.
Boundaries, internal and external, don't seem to be much discussed in IFS videos I've listened to so far. They're really the front line mindful troops and I'm surprised they aren't part of the IFS toolkit/fundamentals.

[daviddppreschel]

This is such a fantastic video. I wish every therapist would watch this.

[PsychoBible]

This has been excellent series. It very much reflects the approach I take, so I'll be directing some clients to this playlist to better help them acclimate to the therapy process.

[sarah]

Thanks so much for your wonderful videos Tori. I’m in therapy and your videos are so helpful as reminders to keep working and to trust that healing is possible. I’m so grateful, thank you.

[KrystleIrvin]

My therapist helped me to understand social situations that I didn't understand or struggled with. If I didn't understand something she would explain or help me to better understand my surroundings whether it be an interaction or an environment. I have autism so Idk if that's why I needed so much guidance in that area....no matter what I'm always gonna suck at saying goodbye to people in or at a social gathering....