Mind-Blindness 101: Why This Cognitive Deficit Causes Problems In Relationships

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[steveluxecable]

As a Level 1 Autistic person myself, I have to take issue with one thing that’s been said in this video. Mind blindness is not the polar opposite of empathy. Mind blindness only prevents us from showing an empathetic response because we’re unable to decipher how someone else is feeling / thinking based on nonverbal communication and body language. It doesn’t mean that we lack empathy. We lack a mechanism that can TRIGGER empathy. That doesn’t mean, however, that we’re incapable of feeling either type of empathy, especially if the person tells us how they feel. Many of us are deeply empathetic. We just need things spelled out for us in concrete terms when it comes to how someone else is feeling. The idea that Autistic people don’t have empathy is a fallacy that needs to be done away with, as it only serves to dehumanize and slur the lot of us. Just my $0.02 for whatever it is worth.

[chrisjackson]

During my diagnosis, we did the EQ assessment. I scored 11/60, but my wife scored me 7/60. Compromised 'neurotypical' empathy and social difficulties is thought to be below 30. I aced that sucker!

[christinafidance]

What I find that is just so stinkin’ odd about my aspie husband is that he will do anything I ask of him, BUT I’m often just blown away at the fact that I HAVE TO ASK! I’m not talking about stuff to do with emotional and difficult feelings and understanding how I feel and what I may need, such as me just needing a hug or a kind word when I am feeling down. No, not stuff like that at all. Perfect example…. We are getting ready to walk out the door to go to work and he’ll be standing by the door getting frustrated because he’s ready to go (he’s extremely impatient) and he’ll say something like, “Are you ready?” And I’ll respond with, “Almost. I just need to take the trash out and the cats still need to be fed.” And nothing. Unless I specifically say to him, “Can you help me so we can both get out of here faster??? Would you like to tie up the trash and put a new bag in the can or feed & water the cats???” 🤦🏽‍♀️ I just will NEVER understand why something like that needs to be asked!!! WHY??? And it’s not like it’s something new either since I could understand the first few times, but this is something I’ve stressed a lot since we’ve been together and since we also work together! Just the whole idea of working together or delegating tasks between us in order to get stuff done more efficiently. Oh which reminds me of another thing that sort of related that I also just don’t get - We live on a boat so space is tight sometimes and if he is working on something down in the bilge (basically in any of these little compartments under the floor boards), I cannot get by and it can cut off my access to another room entirely. So, I’m constantly telling him to please just ask me if I need to get by first before opening up the hatch. But NO! Instead, he’ll be ready to go and hurrying me along and then decide to go check on something in the meantime to make sure everything is ok and that the pumps are all working like they’re supposed to and then when he’s done, he will head straight for the door again and say, “Are you ready?” And I’m like, how the hell would I be??? I’ve been standing here in a freakin’ bath towel waiting to get into the bedroom THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!! UUGH!!! I’m serious. But God forbid if I am ever in his way…. It drives him absolutely INSANE!!! Yet, at dinner time, he will often start eating gis plate while standing at the damn counter (and remember…. It’s a boat so there’s literally only room for one person at a time in our galley!) and I’m behind him still waiting to make my plate! So, in the beginning, I just thought he was a complete @$$Hole and a lot of people upon meeting him for the first time so as well. It just really appears that the man always has his head shoved so completely far up his own arse that it is truly mind boggling to me, as well as do many other people upon meeting him too.

[ivanramirez]

Thanks to this man I knows why my autism has made my life so hard, now I know why.

[stylus]

My wife told ME she thought she and my daughters were on the spectrum to some degree. Compound this with death of a son, probable hypothyroid and zero libido from forever, PTSD for sure, adrenal fatigue, and Lyme disease. I'm dead, yet I live.

[jshir]

*Can someone please explain to me why Psychiatrists say people are crazy for believing in telepathy, that their thoughts are being broadcast to others, or in mind reading but then say Autistics have a problem of mind blindness or theory of mind for not knowing what others are thinking or feeling like normals seem to do* We have empathy for others feelings even if we don’t know what they are; normals on the other hand seem to know what we’re feeling or thinking but don’t care

[SgtRock-LeatherNuts]

THIS is my wife ... tried so hard to connect with her, THIS is a huge firewall for us :(

[Intensive_Porpoises]

If neurotypical people can automatically interpret the needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, goals and purposes of other people.. why is there so much conflict and misunderstanding among people?! Surely you just perceive the other person's feelings and perspective and the matter is settled. Or is it all bullshit and you only _think_ you can read people's minds.