Why Men Really Do Like The Cool Girl

It’s been said that she’s a myth – an impossible image that no woman can actually live up to – and that women should stop worrying about being “cool.” I disagree. Men – the men you want – LOVE cool girls. In this podcast, we’re going to redefine cool and show you that in a committed relationship, both partners should be cool.

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Please watch: "How Men And Women Pursue Sex Differently"
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[AshtasticAcrobat]

I feel like what the authors are trying to convey by saying “cool girl” is a women who doesn’t show any vulnerability or emotion. Nothing bothers her on the outside when deep down she is putting a mask over her authenticity because she’s afraid of showing her true self to a man in fear of loosing him. I think you are seeing it a different way

[dtsotm]

you have grossly misunderstood this monologue

[celestegarcia]

The “cool girl” trope is disgusting because it is not an actual woman being her authentic self, it is a male fantasy

[duckypam]

It seems to me that your definition of a “cool girl” is WILDLY different than the one you’re ripping in the book, but I agree that we need to accept each other or never get married or keep the guy around

[theexperiment]

The most amazing thing is that you're actually agreeing with the authors. What cool means here is actually under quotation- "cool"-. Which simply means a dude chic. One of the boys type of girl who is also very submissive and subservient. Doesn't disagree with, doesn't nag, has no hobbies of her own but just that of her man and her only purpose in life is to serve her man to the point where she becomes a object of pleasure and beauty. And only exists in that dimension.

[sarcodonblue]

From what I can tell men like women to be "low maintenance" which means not emotional which is impossible because we are more emotional than they are. They also want us to be good looking but find us eating healthy to be a "pain" and if we take too much time to look pretty we are "annoying" and if we don't wear make and pay enough attention to fashion we are "lazy". Males in my experience will look at all the other women and complain when his partner makes herself as attractive as possible but is annoyed if she doesn't . If we are not controllable we are not desirable.

[CarolineGirl]

"But Nick got lazy. He became someone I did not agree to marry...he dragged me, penniless, to the navel of this great country, and found himself a newer, younger, bouncier cool girl." If you zoom out a bit, this quote is really a woman talking about being cheated on, which so many women turn a blind eye to in order to keep a relationship (instead she plots an insane and twisted revenge). Truly good guys attract truly cool girls, but both Nick and Amy were BOTH pretending to be something they weren't. Her, cool, him good. If you don't get the story, it just means you're a truly good guy who couldn't conceive of cheating.

[tootalltxn]

I feel like I'm a pretty cool girl...that ends up with men who don't see me as anything serious. How do I earn value in their eyes?

[lisab]

I think Gillian Flynn's character monologue is true within the context of the book and true in in that some guys expect that women be hot, sporty, witty, not high strung, and blah blah blah because I have met guys who expect women to be all of those things. But that being said, I I agree with your points. I think they're just a little off from what Gillian's point was in her book. This is really great advice apart from it being contrasted to the idea of the cool girl in the book. I agree, relationships should be easy, and even tempered women and men should be the types of people anyone looks for if they want a healthy relationship.

[ElberethOhGilthoniel]

I am the both the "cool girl" and quite good looking (not a supermodel but good) and guess what...no one cares in the end.Yay men love to be around me, flirt with me and praise me a lot about my looks and personality but they all end up with another kind of girl anyways (especially the nice guy with balls whom I really wish I could get for once!). We are like those female side characters in tv shows or movies that everyone seems to like more than the protagonist (because we are cool, duh!!) but who NEVER end up with THE GUY, the one guy that we all want (like absolutely never and for no reason).At best, we get the funny best friend who's bad at bed.

[Mimi-niil]

Thanks Evan! I really agree here. What you are talking about is ONE of the reasons why my marriage ended. I was too critical of my husband and did not own up to my own shortcomings. I am done with seeing my partner as a project.

[chii_lisa]

Liking poker and video games makes me a girl who likes poker and video games. Guys don’t own these subjects. That doesn’t make me more like a typical guy. bs i cant accept that

[carleneb]

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. Being cool about his hobbies and interests is "even tempered and rational". Awknowleging the attractiveness of a celebrity is fine. There have to be some respectful boundaries though. Some guys try to push the boundaries too much in ways that are just wrong. Cracking an off color joke is fine...but if a man says something like, say, insinuating that he wants to smell the scent of a pretty female friend's vagina...that's just classless and disrespectful to both the girlfriend and the other woman. Not cool.

[kv]

I understand your points here, but the cool girl you're describing is not "cool girl" described in this passage.

[gasphynx]

@15:00 "She loved me for the dangers I had passed, and I loved her that she did pity them."

[frequencyboostloveandpeace]

Defining terms is everything in a discussion... i.e.: defining "cool girl"

[kharismalarabhaktimayorett]

it is tiring everytime I ask guy about their ideal type end they said they like cute girl or angelic girl. really lost my confidence

[marinadillon]

This is a very valuable material to any of the ‘cool’ girls out there. It basically proves that men typically do not chose the cool girls - they chose the mediocre predictable easy to handle women like your wife. From what you tell there’s absolutely nothing cool about her - she is as banal as a conventional stay at home mom / wife type can be: from throwing fancy birthday parties for her 3 yo to her weekends spent with other mommy girlfriends at an expensive chain hotel could not be more boring, in my cool girls opinion. The reason you married her was not because she was cool in any way, but exactly because she was not. She was neither one the attractive woman you’ve dated, no the most interesting or unconventional. She was most comfortable and easy for you to be around and that’s why you married her, but that’s not a cool quality.
It seems like you can be Kate Moss or Charlize Theron and really struggle in your personal love life or be a single mom with adopted children ( not that either seems unhappy with her live) . Or you can be an average jane like your wife and have a husband to support you and your kids.
Not that living your wife’s life is better than living a single cool girl’s life. But if a woman is aspiring to becoming a wife and a mother, she should try to quit being cool ASAP: cancel her snowboarding trip with 3 guys, decline the invite to go island hopping in British Virgin Islands on a sail boat with a French chef and a captain, cut back on those ballet, hot yoga, and kickboxing classes, take cabs or subway instead of getting around the city on her collectible Italian racing bike, swap your designer wardrobe for some Banana Republic styles, no more listening to Sam Harris podcasts and reading all those intellectual books. No more alternative electronic music or Jim Jarmusch films. Stop being a man magnet. And go check yourself into a nearby Four Seasons for a weekend ( you’ll need to recruit a few local housewives in bathrobes to do this one with you to maximize the boredom of the experience) .

[maris]

Thank you Evan!!! Thought provoking and insightful. 🖤

[angelineorwell]

you completely missed the point of the whole trope my guy