Is 'Gentle Parenting' Ruining The Next Generation?

Millennials are raising an entire generation of out of control children. Is it due to their "gentle parenting" approach? What exactly is that? Let's talk about it.

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[Vltron]

Parents who use advice from Tik Tok are why we have warning labels on shampoo.

[stayhomewithhannah]

Child therapist here. Many parents are confusing respectful/gentle parenting and permissive parenting. We have plenty of research that shows permissive parenting is damaging to the child and their ability to become competent, well adjusted adults. Permissive parenting is where there are no consequences, no boundaries, no reliable structure or authority from the parents. Gentle/respectful parenting isn’t new, it’s just authoritative parenting rebranded in a more popular way. It’s involves discipline and consequences (but with a respectful tone and loving motivation). It is parenting for the purpose of guiding, teaching, and loving our kids- not just trying to modify their behavior and get them to bother us less. Every kid has a different temperament and of course the same strategies aren’t going to work for every child. But the point of “gentle parenting” is that we’re not using shame, and fear to motivate behavior AND that parents are actually modeling the behavior they want to see in their kids. When kid’s experience shame and fear (because the parents are yelling, threatening, or simply talking to them with disgust) the reasoning and logic part of their brain is not “online” anymore. So connection based parenting (I would say this is a big component of gentle parenting) is integral to raising well adjusted, competent, kind kids.

[parose]

I’m a parent of 3 “neurodivergent” kiddos. And I totally agree with you! The best advice that I got when my 1st son was diagnosed was from another mom that had a kiddo with a similar diagnosis but he was currently a teenager. She told me, “You are raising a kid with a disability, not a brat.” I LOVED that! My kids may have disabilities, but because I love them, I held them accountable, taught them to respect others & themselves, taught them manners, etc. I’m not a harsh parent, but I am firm & I have tried to teach them there are consequences to our choices. Good & bad. They are all teenagers now & they are really neat kids. They are caring, considerate, respectful, etc. I have had numerous teachers say they wished they had more kids like mine. I am far from perfect, & my kids know that, but to this day I do not want to raise brats, I’m just raising kids with disabilities.

[janamertens]

As a teacher I had a lot of gentle parenting kids. They are overwhelmed with everything and alway crying. I don't know if they will ever be competent and independent

[vanguardengneer]

As a millennial father of 4 I am currently teaching my kids to defend themselves from those monsters. Kids that are given respect and boundaries reflect those values. I'm not worried about my kids behavior, it's more about their safety outside of my influence.

[susanstern]

Children NEED boundaries. It makes them feel safe. Consistency is what these parents need to learn.

[LVMT]

A resounding YES! (I’m a teacher.)

School administrators are also too soft in regard to real disciplining troubled students - they walk with the students and talk gently to them. Then I get an apology letter from said students. I DO NOT want an apology letter from them; I want them to learn respect for others and self control!

[sassyliving]

A difference with classroom vs home in regards to discipline/gentle parenting is the adult/kid ratio which results is how something works at home won’t necessarily work in the classroom. In the classroom you will have 20-30 kids of the same age with one adult where as at home you have usually see 3 kids under kinder age of different ages with one adult. This greatly effects how things work.

[sphenopalatineganglioneuralgia]

"Stop being uncomfortable seeing your child be uncomfortable." I love how that teacher thinks. Learning the natural consequences of your actions is how you learn to stay out of jail, stay alive, get a good education, get a good job, take care of your family, and live a happy life. Do your kids a favor; respect them, love them, don't EVER abuse them.... but please, discipline them and don't give them everything they want.

[immichellerivera]

My first, my daughter, benefitted from “gentle parenting”. She’s very self controlled and she responds much better to gentle (but firm) discussions. She never hit, bit, pushed or yelled so it matched her well. My son is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY. He’s very sweet but definitely needs a hard boundaries to push up against. He needs more structure and I say NO a lot to him. He also has a lot more consequences than my daughter. But he also needs way more time outside and more play time to meet his threshold. It’s not that we don’t have sensitive conversations with him but he doesn’t respond like my daughter does. I agree with the dysregulated child comment… we don’t do our kids any favors by giving them everything they want. In fact, it makes you selfish to put your needs (not wanting negative emotions) before their needs (hard boundaries).

[nana]

I work in a daycare, and we had a highly aggressive kid. He had no discipline at home and always got what he wanted. Meanwhile, his mother just told us that we need to be gentle with him, and then he would listen.
He always terrorized all the other kids and pushed them (even off the climbing frame), also hit them, and verbally abused them.
I really never understood the mother. How can she still stand behind her "gentle parenting" when she saw how he acted 🤦🏻‍♀️

[joannaholden]

We always knew WHY we were in trouble and WHAT the specific consequence was coming. My mom never yelled at us. We were never terrified of random abuse. She took the time to explain to us, to communicate expectation. But she made certain that discipline was as consistent as the communication. And we did not make the rules. When we got older and had been taught logic, we were allowed to negotiate rules we felt no longer applied. Until then, we had to trust that they knew best. (And shocker...they did!)

[Me_and_also_me]

My mother was a ‘gentle parent’ and did an absolutely horrible job lmao. She loved putting on the facade of a perfect parent with a perfect child on social media and in front of other people but in reality she was incredibly neglectful, manipulative and passive aggressive about my appearance and weight that she made me believe I was non-binary for like 2-3 years. Whenever she was called out for her terrible parenting she would play the victim card “But I’m brown!” “I was adopted as a child!” “I’m not perfect!😢” “I’m so stressed!” “It’s not my fault I left my 12 year old child home alone until 9:AM while I went out partying!”😅

My father on the other hand is most definitely not a gentle parent and would actually discipline me and teach me not to do wrong. He’s awesome, very hardworking and kind. I owe everything to him, he’s the best dad I could of ever wished for ❤

[ericastires]

I always say to my husband that I will teach our daughter: "You are the center of my world, but you are not the center of THE world". I've never heard anyone else say that before. How cool!

[GinaLJA]

Well said. You’re on point about so many things.
I’m a teacher and decided this is my last year. The amount of these dis-regulated children is insane and they’re getting mislabeled into special education at high numbers.
Lack of parent involvement doesn’t equal a special education label. Cultural differences doesn’t equal a special education label. Students who don’t speak English doesn’t equal a special education label. Opposition Defiance Disorder shouldn’t be Normalized as a label. Teachers are at their lowest levels of energy and more children are coming in with behaviors at alarming rates.
Maybe someone else can handle this now that I’m stepping away!
Leaders aren’t supporting teachers and teachers aren’t getting support for the additional special needs students in the classrooms. We aren’t giving them proper educations if there is no support meaning an assistant. FAPE is being violated and so are students IEPs.

[kirstymeeuwis]

I watched some of your videos and became a member of your channel. You explain things very well. And as a millennial parent, I shake my head to people who tip toe around their kids like this.
My son is 8 months old and I am always joyful around him. But if he hits me, or does something he isn’t allowed to do. He’s gonna know. I’ll be using a firm voice and make sure my energy matches what I’m trying to do.

Hitting your children is wrong. But showing emotions like anger or any other emotion is normal. I have emotional regulation issues, but my focus is mainly to teach my kid that it is okay to be sad or angry. But I won’t be tolerating back talk or disrespect.

It’s what you said. It’s a hard job being a parent and to be honest, I kinda did think it would be easier. But it isn’t. You are indeed learning a small human being how to be a well functioning human being. The world won’t bunch. Not an inch.

[nicholeurigashvili]

There is a difference between true gentle parenting and passive parenting. Gentle parenting includes setting and holding clear boundaries (consistently), letting the kid have their feelings and the natural consequences that comes along with their actions. Based on what you are describing of some of your childhood, that is more of a true form of gentle parenting. There is a lot of scientific research that many parents are not taking the time to truly understand and learn. I have two kids, sometimes things are wild, but they are respectful in public and to their teachers. The push the boundaries with us (the parents) because we are the safe space for them to try and we will hold the boundary and love them unconditionally.

[Grayveeveve]

Our society is obsessed with removing boundaries and being totally and completely free to do whatever you want depending on how you feel that day- not surprised that this same concept is being applied to parenting 😥

[ashleethomas]

Yes, moderation is key. I believe in setting an example of how to respond to certain situations.
However. Setting boundaries and showing your kids that their feelings are not the only valid feelings and mama is getting upset and there is going to be consequences for your actions if you continue to push the envelope, is a something that needs to be implemented too. Because you don't want to raise kids that are only aware of their own feelings and to run though life thinking there are no consequences so I'm going to push what I can when I can

[pfifltrigg]

You're really encouraging me to become more firm with boundaries and spend less time catering and offering second chances. I think part of it for me is guilt over how little time I have to spend with them so I want it to be positive and not me carrying them screaming to the car every day. That and laziness TBH. I've been a lot less gentle lately but am still not holding to some rules I really should he holding to and I know it's not serving him well.