Avoidant childhood euphoric recall

Avoidants often put rose tinted glasses on when recalling their childhood.

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[cspacenz]

So true, these people ultimately have 1001 ways to avoid their feelings, not just about their childhood but their entire past. It’s heartbreaking to experience a relationship with someone who can be so lovely as a person yet so delusional at the same time. I’m afraid I have zero tolerance for emotional unavailability these days, having just ended what was a near perfect first 3 months of a relationship with a really lovely woman, in the surface at least. I’ve been there before and I know from experience they don’t face up to themselves nor do they take responsibility and ‘do the work’ like we all have to do. 4 days after the first emotional shutdown for no apparent reason I ‘hurt first and hurt hardest’, I was not going to wait around for the inevitable, these people are highly predictable. So she got the shock of being dumped for the first time in her life followed instinctively by what I now know to be ‘no-contact’. Very difficult but it’s the only language they understand. I’m a pretty secure and well adjusted person but I’ll not take her back, it’s just too hard, I’m here to learn and heal something within myself that allowed such a one into my life. Avoid the avoidant at all costs ! Great video, thank you

[DrawntoSeektodraw]

Why is it that they look at their childhood with rose tinted glasses but the relationship with thorn tinted glasses? :/ because the relationship is healthy. Imperfect but healthy. And healthy is bad for them.

[mstorwall]

As a fearful attachment, I can see this as one of my coping mechanism.

But you just described my childhood to the point.

[joe_]

oh my god why is this so accurate!! what!! i didn‘t even know that was a sign of avoidance but it makes soo much sense

[Elle-omdk]

Yes, exactly he did this too !
Early on I inquired about his childhood specifically looking for any abuse. He said it was idealyic and he felt loved.
Then gradually he mentioned things that were basically huge betrayals by his parents but he tried to explain their reasons.
He worships his childhood and acts like it was dreamlike.
But on another note
Most baby boomers were raised like that - heard not seen and didn’t talk or value feelings. But must of us did not become avoidant and eventually we recognized this and did the work necessary to have a relationship.

You know all the facets of this and I wont break contact but I wish he could watch your videos. It validates my horrific experience.

[etaokha]

Yup he never held his abusive mother accountable for what she did to him. In his eyes she's perfect and he deserves the constant neglect but deep down he hates her but can't tell her because he fears she'll finally abandon him for good.

[LastRebel]

Religion fosters this and parents do to in a way to not be questioned in a sincere respectful way. This is tricky because we are to respect our parents as we live under their means and roof, but wrong is wrong and not being able to admit that your not perfect and don’t know some things shouldn’t be negated by authoritarianism or perfectionism. Sometimes a simple I don’t know or hey I was wrong and didn’t handle that well or was in a bad spot and reacted poorly. Kids don’t know anything except what they are modeled. Doesn’t mean your parents are bad but does mean they’re wrong sometimes as are we all. To bad few parents won’t have humility in an attempt to retain control. I am Christian and still the elders have used one verse and negated others to back them up and shame is nothing that should be used between people who supposedly love you.

[gergialiv]

Ryan. Can you do a video about the avoidents rebound pls

[fatrickbateman]

… don’t call me out like that😂

Here’s one for you. Check out the story behind the song “Dancing in the moonlight” by king harvest. You could write an essay on the psychological aspect of that song.