What happens in our bodies during the Actively Dying phase

Helping folks understand what is happening inside our bodies during the Actively dying phase. Knowing what happens helps lessen the anxiety around Death and Dying so you can be a better advocate for you and your loved ones.

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#hospice #hospicenurse #hospicecare

[eugeneverblaauw]

My wife made me promise that I would not leave her alone when we both knew the end was near. She was small enough that I could be in the hospital bed with her for three days and nights and held her in my arms while I slept with her head on my chest until she peacefully left as I talked her through leaving my arms and into His arms. Was exactly as you described, and peaceful. I felt her soul depart. It is a terrible loss for me but a beautiful moment for her. I’m looking forward to joining her…but not today!

[luminurse]

Former hospice nurse here. Yes, a ‘good death’ is truly intimate and sacred. Keep talking to them. You are heard.🙏🏻💜💜💜

[janicecroissiert]

This was my mom, when she was dying. You described it so very well. For me, it. was tough watching her go through all the symptoms that you have described here. But, yes, this is how my mom passed, at only 65 years old, after a long battle with cancer. Hospice nurses were there for us, every step of the way. She passed at home. 😢. One of the hospice nurses even called me, after my mom passed to ask if I need any help, emotionally. Thank you for all you do. God Bless

[Thatsmyshoe]

We are just beginning our hospice journey with my Mom. Although I have been with people in the moment of death, I have never experienced it in a home setting. You're keeping me sane, girl. Thank you so very much!

[sherryk]

It makes total sense that our bodies go into ketosis that kills the appetite. These bodies r so perfect that I'd expect no less. Thanks, Julie!❤

[marydevonshire]

I was with my dad as he died. Because I lived six hours away, I didn't get there in time before he fell asleep, but I was there for the five days before he died. It was just like how you described.

My husband had gotten there before me and had brought him home from the hospital (end stage stomach cancer) but dad was stubborn and wanted to go out with his cows--he didn't want to go to bed. My husband convinced him to relax and brought him out to his recliner in the living room. Dad fell asleep there. His little dog sat on his lap and we all just watched TV with him like any other day until he took his last breath.

It was not a terrible experience. It was, like you said, a very sacred time

[Laurie_Tinsley]

I just lost my husband to cancer a month ago. He had been battling cancer for 11+ years and I knew the day would come that he would no longer be with me. Watching him die was the worst nightmare. The day before he went into active dying he was irritable most of the day. By the end of the evening he came into my office where I was trying to avoid his anger and told me that he was sorry, loved me and asked me to give him a kiss. He then said he wasn't feeling well and was going to bed. A few hours later I joined him and all seemed fine.

I woke up the next morning and noticed a change in his usual breathing ( I think that is woke me up ). His breathing was shallow and slow. I thought at first he must be in a deep sleep, so I got up for some morning coffee. About an hour goes by and I thought, he should be awake by now. So I went to the bedroom and called out his name ( he usually jumps right up when he hears me call his name ) but I got no response. I shouted out his name again and nothing. I then went over and nudged him on the shoulder, trying to wake him up. The moment he opened his eyes I could tell something was wrong. His pupils were tiny and his eyes looked bloodshot. He didn't look at me, he had a blank stare. I went into panic mode and called hospice.

His nurse came right away and verified he was actively dying. The next 24 hours were horrific. He didn't recognize family, friends, not even me. He was mostly unconscious, but then he would suddenly jump out of bed talking delusional. He would shout that he had to go pee and run to the bathroom, pushing anyone that was in the way. Then he would stand at the bathroom door and pee, not in the toilet. The minute he was done peeing he would start to lose energy and I would have to catch him and sit him on the toilet, then he would go unconscious.

I had to call the paramedics three times to help me get him back to bed. I didn't have the strength to carry him to the bed. The paramedics were so helpful. Sad to say that hospice was not. It was Fathers day weekend and they refused to come help me. He passed away Monday afternoon with me holding him and telling him I loved him. A smile came over his face and then he released his last breath. I could feel his entire body relax.

I kissed him, cried and held his eyes shut so they would stay closed. I laid next to him for an hour before hospice came to verify his death. He died at 2:55pm and hospice verified at 3:56pm. I do want to say I am not angry with hospice because they were not there to help me. I have medical experience so I knew how to care for someone who was dying. What I do want to say is that watching a loved one die is extremely painful and yet numbing. I hope no one has to go through what I went through all alone with no one to help.

The best piece of advice I can give is say I love you everyday, cherish each moment you have with your loved one, hold back the frustration of being a caregiver, take lots of pictures of the good times ( you will be happy you have those memories to look at when your loved one is no longer here ) and know that one day your loved one can seem fine and the next minute they are gone. RIP Robert, I miss you so much.

[catmama]

All of this is exactly what happened with my husband. He was in a hospice center for only 6 days then passed shortly after we left the room. Everyone at hospice was wonderful to both my husband and myself. I’m eternally grateful

[RustyCar]

“A special sacred time”. What a wonderful way to put this process. I have always said the next best this to ‘do’ with a human being, aside from bringing a child into this world, is to help a person die or depart this world with dignity and respect and to just be there, if at all possible.

[johnmohanmusic]

As a critical care nurse I can vouch for everything Julie says. Talk to your loved one, provide oral care and be there for them. These are the greatest gifts you can provide at that time for them.

[TheRantingCabbie]

I wasn't there when my mom died, but it was everything you described. You might want to mention that they sometimes don't appear to be the same person. My mom may have already withered away, but there was just something about those last moments and how she looked.

[kenfrank]

That was beautifully told. Thank You for this.

Our mother was dying over a 3 day period in hospice. She exhibited all of the things you described…. All we could do was sit by her, hold her hand and talk to her.

The morning she passed we all felt relief for her as her trials were over for her…. My brother went out and came back later with a bottle of liquor and we all poured a glass and toasted Mom …. That may sound strange- I had never done that before— but it really made all of us feel better and even bought some smiles as we remembered some of the things she did ….

During those 3 days of watching her pass was difficult and I found myself going from feeling shocked & sad the first day, the second day especially by the afternoon being pissed that doctors couldn’t help speed her dying along to cut her suffering and finally on the last day relief as she passed and she didn’t have to go on straining for breath etc.

[ExSoldier]

For all of you undergoing or starting this process with a loved one, here is a resource that has brought me tremendous joy. In 1998, I held my mom’s hand as she transitioned into GLORY and I had no doubt that she would be safe and happy. But as I now contemplate my own eventual transition… and nothing specific just an awareness that at age 66 there are fewer days ahead than behind. I find this book eases my concerns:

Imagine Heaven by John Burke. It’s thousands of NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) from all across the world. All cultures and religions.

Funny thing. Those from other religions and having no religious beliefs didn’t get what they were taught was going to happen. Hindus and Buddhists weren’t reincarnated. Atheists didn’t get nothingness. Muslims didn’t get Allah.

Everyone met Jesus. Christians met loved ones: families and friends and pets who’d passed before them.

Heaven is a real place with cities and neighborhoods and water everywhere. No oceans of Salt Water. Animals everywhere but none are harmful. Children playing with lions and lambs at the same time. Movement can be at the speed of thought or you can take your time.

I’m frankly looking forward to seeing and speaking with Jesus face to face.

[elsahaas]

It’s amazing how you have come into your calling. You have a glow and a joy at helping the patients and loved ones understand and cope during this sacred time. You are so needed and appreciated. You have a special gift from God. I hope you will draw near and learn more about God as you comfort and serve others in your profession. God Bless you! 💕

[margaret]

I’m an RN as well, and I worked briefly with a hospice. I just wanted to say thank you for a good job in educating people about the death process. It makes it so much easier if the family and loved ones have an understanding of what is actually happening. Bravo, Julie. Stay strong. 👍🏼

[willieboy]

You described my friend's end of life well. We in the modern world have isolated ourselves from the dying process. Our ancestors knew this process well.

[Savage_Dragon]

I'm on hospice now and am starting to notice changes. Thank you for helping me to prepare for the end with dignity.

[renaissancepoet]

My mother just passed away while on hospice. That's why I found your channel. Love what you do. It's been very helpful during this difficult time.

[laurierice]

Thank you for all your wise words & calm demenor. You help us all❤

[babyshooz]

thank you so much for this information. It was very comforting to learn, especially after witnessing loved ones at the end of life and pass on. I felt helpless and a lot of guilt, but hearing you explain the process helps.