Attention-Seeking Behavior: When 'Just Ignore It' Doesn't Work

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Whether you're parenting a child or working with a friend or another family member, we all come across attention-seeking behaviors at some point. But our common reaction of "Just ignore it" is not a lasting solution to the problem. In this video, I teach specific skills for how to respond to attention-seeking behaviors by minimizing rewards from attention-seeking behaviors, going in the back to explore the function and needs beneath those behaviors, and then teaching and rewarding positive, connection-based behaviors.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[Spamaccount]

Dealing with a friend like this and feel sorry for her but as someone with my own mental illness, I cannot prioritize someone else’s health over mine

[mariewilliams]

I went a time where I was desperate for attention. But the more people rejected me . The more I became self aware and stopped looking for attention. And looked for hobbies for fulfilment. The brain learns more from bad experiences. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind . To help people in the long run. Now I dont care anymore about getting attention. In happy being my own best friend.

[utlinhdang]

i'm tired with these people . we all need attention, instead of requiring people to pay you attention by doing stupid things, earn it, invest in yourself, and when you don't need much attention and be balanced, people actually pay attention to you automatically

[zzulm]

I was like this and I didn't know why, I didn't know how to be happy or even relax. I started looking into myself for love and appreciation and my life gets easier and easier every day.

[whydoyouneedtoknow]

Playing this with my overly obnoxious coworker in ear shot of hearing....it's very effective.

[LiminalDrag]

When it's your parent demanding all of their child's attention all the time, and no matter how you react, they continue the same behaviour for years and years, that's on them. My mother literally talked non stop around us and it was always nonsense and all about her and her real or imagined ailments. She is incapable of listening to another person. I realise now that it was extreme attention seeking. She made me so angry, I wanted to scream at her to shut up, but my dad just enabled her and encouraged her to torment us kids, so she wouldn't bother him so much.

[jainetu]

I was in a relationship with an attention seeker. Everything from oversharing their "prefect" life on social media to constantly messaging people to share things in search for validation and attention. Every attempt to address that issue got blocked. Maybe my approach wasn't right because I just can't feed them with positive. It's annoying and that exhausting. I have a HUGE problem with attention seekers. Where could that be coming from?

[mariecait]

Attention seeking is annoying but just imagine how awful they must feel inside it’s possible to be nice to attention seekers without enabling I try to be a good role model by telling them I feel bad too yet realize it’s best to handle it in healthy ways that don’t hurt others.

[catsfeel]

Thank you so much. This is very helpful for me to understand my elderly mother who seeks attention time to time. Now I know why all my efforts to manage this situation went wrong. From today I'll face this better.

[shawnaweesner]

You are a wonderful therapist! I love how she was not placed in isolation and tied down and drugged up!

[oneday]

THANK YOU! I work as a summer camp counselor and have been struggling to work with 1 kid in particular, she told me that her mom works “SO MUCH” and she doesn’t have time for her, I just knew that the moment I saw her act out for the first time, there was a story behind it. Thank you for the tips, I will definitely be using these:)

[cmarkd]

Thank you Emma, for very relatable explanations. The best person to get healthy is ourselves. Your helping me to identify unhealthy thinking and address it without judgment.

[yousraadly]

EXACTLY! ignoring could be the new cure to most of these illnesses some try to insert it on oneself life, i do it so much that i evolved in it i started to automatically unsee any thing/one that doesnt serves me .😁

[thornethistleandtear]

Why do we have to be subtle with these types. It causes stress to me every time my husband sighs. It’s just annoying and not very fair because when I have a “bad” day I don’t get any empathy. Why would a sixty one year old adult need to do this?

[marciloni]

Distract, ignore and avoid. I'm too busy looking out for myself!

[mikolaykuka]

Giving attention just enhances further demands. I came for solutions to this pathological issue

[lalalanding]

Thank you for this
My friend is also engaging A LOT in this kind of behaviour, attention seeking.
Even I used to be like this.
IDK how I came out of it, a topic to ponder on but I will try my best to follow my intuition and give her what I feel like I needed the most.

This attention seeking behaviour, it's subconscious. You can beat yourself up for it, you can curse yourself for acting that way, but- ultimately, the beating yourself up leads to low self esteem.
Really, thanks for this video!!
I was wondering what was the best way to stop her attention seeking acts. I thought that I needed to talk to her but everyone else- my other friends were ignoring and ridiculing her.
So I was confused abt whether I should TALK to her and give her the attention, or just ignore her like the others. I don't think she opens up very easily, and I'm not as patient as one must be in such situations, hence it gets kinda hard... At least she trusts me. Too much I guess-

Anyways. I'll give her the help she needs.

[TheUnknown-mgfv]

I just don't talk to anyone plain and simple I stick alone

[aaronmcallister-rvuo]

I feel you the way how to deal with a annoying neighbor, or somebody that just gets on your nerves. Ignore them they crave attention they need help.

[TanzaniteHayley]

This is a guy I’m seeing. It’s so hard 😪 I know he’s got problems but I don’t know how to solve it.