How to actively listen to others | Scott Pierce | TEDxBirmingham

In this inspiring talk, Scott Pierce shows us that “Yes, and” is not just the first rule of improv, but it also touches on deeper lessons that we can apply to our everyday lives. Scott Pierce is a born technologist, writing his first production code for his parents’ software company at 10 years old. Pierce worked as a software developer for a variety of companies before taking a technology leadership position at of one of the South’s largest ad agencies.

[theritual]

I'm A chronic interruptor. I never realized it until I started hearing the other person on the other end of the phone exasperate as I'd not only interrupt but then go on and on. Then I started wondering why my friends stopped calling and it hit me they don't want to talk to me cause I never let them talk. I listened to this video and even books like it cause I want to change. A few things I noticed is I usually think I'm right and am looking for validation, I usually call them with an already made up mind about what I'm sharing with them, but I'm starting to understand and that everything doesn't have go be said. I don't have to fix everything and as the video said I have to give honor to others opinion and their reality and I don't have to fix them. I must sound so egotistical and opinionated and full of myself to others and that's not the case at all. I've always struggled with feeling accepted and feeling unheard as a child but at the end of the day no excuses. I want to talk to people and friends and the great thing is I've just started this journey and when I interrupt someone I notice it quickly and shut up until their finish. So I'm getting better, I'm gonna learn to listen as much as I loved to talk.

[georgeb]

3:52 - make your scene partner look good, avoid asking questions, be present, use details
6:39 - conflict results in lack of understanding
6:49 - we are just shouting - if we are presenting our own points of view
6:57 - when I can accept another persons reality - then I can communicate, then I can learn
7:22 - pause and breath when confronted with a point of view that I do not agree with (I reflexively want to deny)
7:38 - if it’s scary - then I can form a bond with that person
9:02 - I simply be present, what is their body language telling me
13:15 - it fulfilling to fully listen and actively listen to someone’s struggle
13:20 - it’s supportive, it’s healing

[lol-voyc]

As a horrible listener, this makes me VERY angry, so so very angry, but he’s right; without listening to the other person, giving yourself the time to pause to accept their reality, there’ll never be a bond. Just shouting independent POVs without debate or dialogue. I feel so called out, but I know I need this.

[jasongarcia]

This is what I'm struggling with now in a relationship and it hit me square in the face. The pausing part is amazing and a true. I will listen to this to bond with my partner.

[larissavia]

THIS SPEECH IS SO VALUABLE! I've done improv before and not only was it amazing and hilarious, but it transformed my life - just what he was saying. This was after a 6 week course. It flipped a switch in my brain to present, listen, build not destroy the space...I miss improv!

[MuxiangP]

I thought improv was to help us become funny too, but after attending some improv classes, I realized that listening, improvising, collaborating, and supporting the scene partner is the key meaning of improv. Great talk!

[papaslider]

I feel like I have been ruining my relationships with others, throwing away everything they tell me, because often, what people say to me goes in one ear and out the other. I keep amounting this to stress, because I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression since late high school. But I think I understand now that it through my constant obsessing with what I’m going to say and how I’m going to make myself appear likeable that I’m not being myself. As a result my self-confidence and self-respect have plummeted, and my anxiety is worse than ever. I know myself to be a good person, and that is reflected in what my loved ones and friends say about me. But I’ve noticed a disconnect between what those loved ones say about me and how I act when I’m not around them. And I’m starting to think that my constant anxiety over making myself appear like that person is preventing me from being that person. I never thought about clearing my mind and tearing down those biases so that I can listen, accept what people are saying, and respond with whatever is natural. For the first time in a while, I feel like I understand how to be an active listener. Just stop trying to listen, and listen. Break it down to its core components. Yes (accept) and (respond).

[eab]

What an important teaching. I'm beginning to learn how to let people make mistakes and fail, and to give them the space and encouragement to grow from it, and to find joy in that process. The Miles Davis story is a beautiful example.

[ladymiranda]

Have been researching and actively studying listening for the past few months, and maybe by now my mindset has shifted, but it was so nice to not have too much of a sentimental talk (coming from someone who is sentimental) but more so technical and fun. Thank you!

[thanhtu-nguyen]

Thank you Scott, for me, its a most beautiful talk I ever had in my life. So inspring, thank you one more time.

[jeremiestern]

Amazing video. Being a fond of improv myself, this presentation really speaks volumes, so thanks to this seemingly very nice and profound person for sharing his knowledge.

[thepowerofhelpingwithreube]

What a story. Allowing people to continue in their flow when they are talking is so important. I talk about this in my latest video, but it's seriously something so important that I've learned through counselling training.

[alibeaumont-filder]

Thank you for opening my mind, and making me truly realise what I need to do in the future.

[scottashe]

After watching about 20 TedTalks over the years I've come to realize that anybody can showcase their own TedTalk.

[janiceraj]

This is by far the best way I have heard communication and active listening described. Genius!!!! Thank you

[mariammassoudi]

Fantastic the way he connects improv to all the communication approaches out there! Valuable. Thank you.

[preciousqasha]

What a wonderful presentation. I loved it!
Thank you Scott Pierce

[brownsugashawty]

I’m here in these comments specifically to help me communicate effective listening to my bf. He’s not a good listener & more so likes to be the one talking. He listens to respond, not to listen & understand.
You never fully learn anything from anyone or about anyone if you don’t listen to them. Feeling kinda frustrated atm & I feel like idk how to communicate how to listen more than I already have.
So I’m here.

[somebody-sh]

This was brilliant! Give someone a note so they can sing a song!

[DragnPiano]

I love the comment of emptying yourself!