The Most Underrated Social Skill and How I used It.

Life is hard, but sometimes we find other people make it easier, by, well, just being them. It’s something about them, something not many people can put their finger on. So, I did some research, and I found that unsurprisingly, sharing and understanding our thoughts and feelings equally and empathetically is the way to go- but how?

[Noahitis]

very easy to forget to talk about yourself, don't forget that you yourself need to be heard sometimes

[delaplaces]

The best phrase I ever heard about conversations is "do you listen or do you wait for your turn to speak"

[HuongHa-hyul]

The fact that nobody talks about the forbidden book Mareska Manipulation on Vexoner speaks volumes about how people are stuck in a trance

[cherry.berry]

Tools:
- paraphrase what the other person said to confirm what you’re hearing
- minimal encouragers to show you’re engaged and encourage other person to keep speaking
- emotion labelling to show empathy

[LukeExists]

One huge, HUGE thing that helped me in conversations and with active listening was to let the other person finish speaking before thinking about your response. I do this all the time, and it's easy to miss the meat of what someone is trying to say because you drew a conclusion about it early in their response.

[psychack-ing]

I ate up these kind of advice in my younger years, but one day I tried to do that active listening thing when my friend was distressed. She talked for an hour straight. I was squished like a lemon after the conversation. I told my therapist about that and she said "But you don't need to do that". And yeah, I don't, and you don't have to do that too. Sometimes it's nice to listen but only if ur in the resource to do that and mostly of all you WANT to listen. Don't forget about urself please, or u'll be hella frustrated in ur social life. Sometimes you need to vent and u need to be listened to too. And it's okay, it's normal, it's beautiful.

[chrs]

as introvert, only listening to what the other person says is the perfect social interaction

[beanosfeed]

I feel like I started doing this accidently because as a welder in a trailer factory, everyone is go go go. No one listens to other people, and you will really notice how mean people are to the elderly people that are still forced to work.. I couldn't stand seeing them get ignored while they were talking and it pissed me off. I would often interject into other's conversations when I seen it happen just so I could act excited about whatever the old guy was talking about. You name it, mowing, cars, politics, shoes, hair, women, men, I don't give a damn what you're wanting to talk about, I'll sit there and yap with you. I also love learning shit and that helps me alot in those conversations. But honestly It just feels good to let them dudes say the craziest shit and just smile and nod your head. They love it, the day goes by faster and I finish my work before anyone so it doesn't effect me ever. I can't stand when people turn their back to others while they talk. Maybe it's cause my father was a marine or cause him and grandfather passed a few years back. If someone ignores you while you speak to them, don't talk to them anymore.

[digs_]

I study psychology and use these tools in my daily life. A lot of people, when they hear that, think I know how to read minds or something because I study psychology or that I'll take advantage of them and it's a dumb stereotype imo. For the most part, it was an unconscious thing I did, but when I learned more about it in my studies I started to consciously use these tools all the time. People like you a lot more. My friends and family, even strangers, always seem very grateful to have me to talk to them and it makes me happy but sometimes I get sad because I don't find the same kind of listening reciprocated very often and I get lonely. I'm not someone who talks much about themselves in the first place, I usually just journal my thoughts and concerns because when I try to talk to people I'm often disappointed and feel like they're not really listening or care. When I do talk to someone who actively listens to me back it's such a nice moment.

[no-one-]

0:01 Correction: There was a baby born in Chicago in 1902

[madeofcastiron]

i grew up not being heard and always ignored, and i don’t want anyone else to feel like that, so i always try my best to listen to others and keep the conversation going. i clicked on this video, hoping to learn more communication skills, but i feel kind of proud to say that i’m actually doing all of these things already haha. thank you for this video :)

[KoalaProductions]

The people who are watching this are not the people who need it lol

[apersoninexistence]

I’m glad you weren’t lying about the weekly uploads

[rianryan]

Psychology student here, a third year and Carl Rogers methods are excellent, being an active listener, accepting, non-judgmental and empathetic approaches made me learn that being a good listener instead of doing the usual giving out "blind advices" help people more in finding solutions to their problems than what blind advices can do.

Help people gain their mental fortitude by making them feel heard so that they can be the ones to solve their problems!

[anonyone]

Tip - never use the phrases like "didn't ask" again

Edit: now I am famous

[megumiarc]

I realised the importance of being heard during my childhood due to reasons like my mom not paying attention to my ramble about school, being cut off while speaking by my friends, being wronged by adults just because i didn't want to be rude by arguing back and stuff like that. I noticed how it affected me and decided that whoever talks to me must not feel that way, because for me it might just be a normal conversation but for someone else it could mean almost anything, i never know. And it became a habit– always listening actively if i am listening, telling the person I'm busy if i can't give them attention and then after getting the work done listening to them properly, making sure no one gets cut off or forgotten in a group conversation, always ALWAYS asking people to comtinue where they left off, even if it might seem annoying to a few, maintaining eye contact, nodding, and giving reactions even if i don't really feel it so strongly. Sometimes now that I'm a bit grown up i feel like I'm a fake, but i know I'm not, i just want whoever i meet to not feel unheard. So yeah, it is the most useful social skill. Earning trust & being reliable is just so satisfying

[JohnnoNonno]

I'm not exactly the most neurotypical person, so after COVID I had to re-learn how to act around people, especially since I felt no real connection with the people around me. I basically discovered all these steps by myself, with trial and error, and it's so funny to hear something that now comes to me naturally laid out this way. What I'd like to add is that oftentimes people don't really want to talk about deep things, they don't want you to be actively listening to them, and you can understand that because all these strategies will sound unsincere to your ear. Unfortunately not everyone is going to be your cup of tea and you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but what I found out to work with people that don't sound interesting to you is that they may have something interesting to tell you anyways, and it's up to you and your tools to gently steer them in the direction you're interested in. When people feel heard they are more willing to change subject.

[slozzzy]

The most amazing thing about this is I’ve been doing it subconsciously for years

[brinyheart.]

i encourage you to look deeper into this kind of listening- there's a lot to it. it's also important to mention congruence is important, even when you're listening.

also, i know, reading before 5 isn't all that impressive. thanks for letting me know lol

[ItsEndyy]

There comes a point where you, Yourself would also like to be heard but, Sadly that doesn’t get reciprocated back and it makes me sad that there’s really a rare amount of people who genuinely wants to listen.