Reflective Listening: How to Be a Good Listener

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Reflective listening is an essential communication skill, but most of us stink at it. It's a pretty simple and really powerful way to help people heal and work through problems. Seriously. I spent a year learning this skill in grad school and the next seven years reminding myself to use it because it's one of the most effective tools to help others feel understood and understand themselves. Reflective listening is one element of active listening, an essential communication skill.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[xxpamxx]

I want my thinking clarified....
I want to understand my emotions and I want to find solutions!
I love having healthy relationships with my family and friends.

[ivydoll]

This is my 2nd year as a new-ish therapist and this video feels like a masterclass in Reflective Listening. Thank you, truly.

[statia]

Me and my girls watch a video of yours everyday and learn a lot from you. Thank you so much!❤️❤️

[lisajohnson]

Thank you so much! I'm not a counselor, but just want to be a better friend. People come to me a lot with their problems and I'd rather help them come up with what is best for them than just offering solutions (I feel like that would be better for them). I'd love, love, love a practice video--maybe where you give us possible scenarios, have us pause the video, and see what possible reflective listening responses we could use?

[SC]

I had no idea how to listen to my teenager, and this video definitely improved our communication. Thank you

[octopusmime]

I am here to learn these skills as I am definitely a ‘fixer’. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world! The after effects of emotional trauma make it difficult to listen effectively to my husband when he is sharing. It’s really hard for me to hear him and to not feel so moved/re-stimulated by what he may be saying. I’m getting better at setting realistic healthy boundaries like tapping out when I feel overwhelmed, but I forget sometimes. It really is a process. So here I am learning some more. It feels like strength training.

[Lr_youtube]

Reflective listening
- summarize the context in a kind way

[abrila.]

THIS STARTS WITH OUR SELVES, IF WE CAN APPLY THIS SKILLS TO OUR OWN MIND AN BODY THEN UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING OTHERS WILL COME IN LIKE POURING RAIN! I THINK. THANKS !

[AdiraHeart]

Emma! Thank you so so much for all you do and this video in particular! We are using it during a difficult time. I so appreciate you.

[davidthomspson]

This was very good.Thank you.I have to embrace this, I have actually damaged relationships because I had not thought this way nor embraced it.

[cyfisher]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:

00:04 🎧 Reflective listening is the skill of understanding and summarizing what someone is saying to show empathy and help them clarify their thoughts.
01:02 🗣️ Reflective listening basics involve summarizing what the other person said and asking if you understood correctly, but sincerity is crucial.
03:12 🤝 Reflective listening can help uncover underlying emotions and concerns, leading to better communication and acceptance.
05:00 ❓ Reflective statements are often better than questions as questions can direct the conversation and make the other person defensive.
06:20 💡 Reflective listening can help individuals express and understand complex emotions and meanings, enhancing their self-awareness and growth.

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[womaninamerica]

Thank you for doing these videos, and sharing your experience and knowledge

[MsVivian]

So pleased to learn based in Gospel of Jesus Christ. So happy and impressed with these teachings and have learnt so much!, even happier now:)

[actsrv]

In technology, when computers communicate with each other, there are many protocols where the receiver of information sends back a "checksum" to the sender as acknowledgement, which is a unique number generated only when the entire message is correctly received, without error. We humans should learn a little bit from computer protocols. Some CS major should also do a psychology major and write a book about how the problems of software and communication are very similar and apply solutions from one to the other.

Also, Need-Based Communication.

[JagaranBohara]

So, you mean to say that instead of judging others and advicing them we should get on the same page as them.

[ThePR]

Atleast one social skill I am not being so bad as an introvert xD

[martinratcliffe]

3:55 'and so he accepted me and my advice.' it seemed like such an ironic outcome in working with a compulsive advice giver

[tsukikaze]

There's a typo in the thumbnail: Reflective, not "relfective"

[alexmihai]

This is actually very interesting but like you say it is important to have a relationship to be able to apply this otherwise it is going to come across patronising so it makes it a skill for specific circumstances not general communication... Nonetheless, very good and insightful. Thank you :-)

[jessicacereceres]

Hello I just came across this video, is the course still available?