EARLY RED FLAGS OF ABUSE

National DV Hotline: [phone]

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Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
2:30 Love-bombing
3:38 Lowering your standards
4:44 Double standards
5:18 Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
6:24 Controlling behavior
7:16 Intimidating/threatening behavior
8:24 Anger problems
9:49 Isolation
10:27 Punishment
11:48 Gaslighting

[ailisha]

What is also important to mention is that abusers can be nice 95% of the time. They can be friendly to relatives, the cashier and so on. But never forget the other 5% where they cross the line, this is what actually counts.

[sparrowspotty]

Another red flag of abuse is mean-spirited and cruel "jokes" which is just another form of gaslighting and normalizing their abusive behaviours. It's gaslighting bc "oh I was just joking, you can't take a joke" when good people who aren't abusers would never make those types of jokes. Jokes reveal mindsets non-bigots will never make bigoted jokes and jokes also normalize certain things.
and another is if you hear contempt in the way they talk about other people about you, contempt seeping out often is such a huge indicator of abusers and abuse.

[ingridelknermusic]

I think when there's an absence of aggression, people assume it's not abusive. Abuse is synonymous with violation. Thanks for taking into account the more insidious, psychological abuse patterns, and clarifying the flags themselves are the abuse

[ailisha]

The anger part is a huge one. Abusers need to be intimidating or have some sort of power over you in order to make you fear their outbursts.

[Ellejas]

If someone seems too good to be true, 10/10 they are trying to fines you. Do not show your vulnerabilities early on. Most times, abusers will deliberately pick their victims as they are easy targets( broken homes, single moms, people going through vulnerable stages in their lives). Always keep a level of suspicion and do not believe anyone blindly. Do not tell them what you are looking for in a partner early on. If you give someone enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves. Stay safe. Is a cold world

[uppercut]

Look out for financial abuse early on, too! My first date with an abuser was such a red flag, looking back on it. He showed up straight from the gym, so hadn't showered or changed or anything, and then acted like he forgot his card so I ended up paying for the meal. He CONSTANTLY "needed" money from me for the duration of our 4 month "relationship." Also, during our first date conversation, he was already negging. Ex: "guys must really be intimidated by you because you have a master's degree. You must have a hard time dating." It was true, but that's such a weird thing to say. Sane, clear-thinking, healthy people would just engage with me about what I studied or try to find common ground over college sports teams or something like that. Not sit there and 1) neg me while simultaneously 2) trying to make themselves seem different and special like "ohhh look at me, I'm not like the other people you've dated because I'm not intimidated by your level of education."

[hydratheorganism]

I can’t believe I tolerated that. Such a bad place to be.

[yzma]

once I hear those rude/mean "joking" comments, I run for the hills. It's hard sometimes when I've already started bonding with the person but I gotta put me first chile

[chumleyk]

Be careful - abusers think they are being abused, hence why they abuse. Abusers accuse their partners of being narcissists too.

[andrewkuhlmann]

Learning about abuse is beneficial. The hardest part I've had with processing abuse is recognizing how prevalent abuse is in our society. Everyone, be careful of gaslighting.

[drebugsita]

I've seen this in platonic relationships too. I think the term "mean girls" does not convey the seriousness of the psychological damage that so-called friends like this can inflict. It can be harrowing

[fernandaAaAaAaA]

something also so confusing about those types of relationships is that often they will gaslight you to believe you were the abusive one and guilt trip you to think that you deserved whatever they doing/did to you

[basicindiebro]

My ex boyfriend used to say he would hold me down and beat the shit out of me until I loved myself. Now I love myself way more without him.

[mkayyy]

Im scared to leave him because I feel like I wont know what to tell him when he asks me why. And every reason I do give him he’ll try to give it a “solution”. The reasons i have are bc of his misogyny, narcissism, controlling behavior, lack of empathy, saying things that make me insecure and so much more. I’ve even preformed sexual acts for him even when I wasn’t completely sure or felt pressured. I know what I have to do and will get out of this and update you guys.

[maevemaiden]

My last relationship was textbook narcissistic abuse and toxic. I was a single mom with my own home, job that I loved, friends and my own car. He was using a truck his boss let him borrow for our first “date”. He got us a hotel(motel) and when I assumed we would be going out to eat he instead got me drunk while ordering mostly watered down drinks all night so hedidn’t have to pay for food or a lot for drinks because he knew someone at the bar.
He wanted to hold hands and make out like we had known each other for ages when I got home the next day he texted me all day and night. After 2 weeks he wanted to move in and even said he loved me.
Oh how I fell for it hook line and sinker.
I lost my friends, family, job, car and home.
What happened was total destruction of my life. Please run when you see the signs. I am out of the relationship after 7 years of off and on toxic cycles and I’m finally becoming the woman I deserve to be and embracing and loving myself again ❤
Thank you for sharing this information 🙏

[the_graize]

I possessed those red flags in my ex relationship. Now Im learning how to correct myself. Ana is doing good work helping raise awareness bout how not to be a shitty boyfriend. Thanks doc.

[devotedtoextraordinary]

Ana you saved my life. Watching this video made me breakup with a narcissist before i knew he was one. THANK YOU

[margauxtepartage]

Yes as someone mentioned a phrase that helped me a lot to remain clear about the need to stop a relationship was the fact to remind myself '' most people can be nice, but not everyone will hurt you and be fine with it''

[adamursone]

This is what my Family, notoriously my father did to me my entire life. Emotional physical and verbal abuse accompanied by aggressive alcoholism and supreme gaslighting. Like keeping their foot on your neck and telling you to leave at the same time. Disgusting. Great video thank you

[thomasffrench]

I’ve only started dating recently, and this obsessiveness shown with “love-bombing” is just a symptom of my ADHD. I should watch out for that before. Also I have certain triggers that can get me very irritated quickly. This is important stuff to know so I can work on myself so I don’t fall into these behaviors.