Why I Choose to Be a Stay at Home Mom as an Exmormon

Leaving the church, I resisted the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, determined to defy traditional norms. Balancing work and motherhood, I clung to the belief that my purpose surpassed societal expectations.

As I missed moments with my firstborn, a fear crept in – was embracing stay-at-home motherhood surrendering my post-Mormon identity? The sacrifice felt like a setback, but I persisted, equating resistance to traditional norms with newfound freedom.

The birth of my second son brought a revelation – I had swung the pendulum too far, rejecting everything dictated by Mormonism. Motherhood became a battleground for identity as I realized I'd sacrificed the mom I aspired to be in my rush to distance from the church.

My journey isn't universal, but a personal exploration of authenticity beyond religious norms.

#exmormon #exmo #mormon #lds #utah #josephsmith #byu #jesuschrist

- where to find me -

- support my channel -

[elizabeth-tnmy]

That's the beauty of NOT being part of a religion or a cult. You can decide for yourself what you want to do with your life. I think it would be hard to not just 'do the opposite' of what you thought the Mormon cult was forcing on with time you realized what you wanted for yourself even if it is somewhat like the Mormon tradition. You win. You are doing what you want for yourself and loving your life. yup, you are a successful person and your family will love you for it! You have such lucky children.

[elguapo]

Being a stay at home mom is a great thing. It’s only bad when you have no choice

[Sarah-recg]

One of my best friends sent me this. It perfectly dovetails with the conversation we were having the other day about how certain institutions (religious and political) don’t own the concept of motherhood and family. They don’t own it and they are not entitled to defining it. I absolutely love that you had time to process your experiences outside of a controlling environment and found TRUE freedom ie being able to completely detangle from their version of reality by stripping it to its core and redefining things such as motherhood as your own and on your terms.

[hmeyers]

So much of what you talk about is parallel to what we were taught as Catholics 50 years ago. Terrifying. And it was *not fun* defying expectations by going to university, not getting married, not having children. I'm not sure to this day that my parents didn't think less of me. My father did tell me that it was a waste of money for me to go to university "as you'll just end up getting married and having children anyway." Paid my own way...

[happyllama]

My dad was a stay at home parent and really misses it now that we’re all older. It’s a great decision to make for many people as long as it is your own decision. I’m so pleased that you’ve been able to decide for yourself if it is for you, and am wishing you a great time with your family.

[LMH-qwgw]

Thank you for posting this and having the courage to state this. I grew up Mormon in UT but stopped going to Church as a teenager. I eventually moved to the east coast and married a non-mormon. When we had children, I stayed home for 13 years. I have always felt guilty that on 'paper' I did exactly what I raised to do. It was only recently that I realized how much being raised Mormon tainted my ability to enjoy those early years of motherhood. I very much relate to what you said.

[LagunaTrash]

Good for you. I am a 57yo man who left the church after 1 freshman year at BYU and mission. Finished college elsewhere and have 4 kids. I have made a relatively successful effort to be a stay at home Dad and no doubt looking back I am so pleased that I did not put on a suit and chase some career in the name of someone else's version of success. We were taught that family is important for good reason. The time passes so fast when they are young. Good for you.

[reverendgirl]

So well said. I don't regret being a stay-at-home mom for the last 15 years, but I still mourn the fact that I didn't think I was capable of doing anything else.

[baigish]

Good for you!! My kids did great because my wife stayed home with our children. Staying home isn't everything in being a great mom, but when the kids came home from school, My wife was always there for them. We were financially poorer, but now that I'm older, it was the best choice for our whole family.

[ariste]

I think it is best for young kids to be raised by a parent (not necessarily mom) rather than by a daycare. A couple hours of preschool each week is important for early education, but I hate that our current economy requires most households to have 2 incomes just to survive. Either you have to turn your kids over to a daycare to primarily raise or work opposite shifts with your partner, which is murder on a relationship. My silver lining to being disabled is that it allowed me to be home to raise my kids myself. Even once you get into the school years, there are always Dr appts, concerts, games, and other extra-curriculars. I do really admire parents who both work but still manage to show up for their kids. Thinking about trying to manage all that with both my hubby and I working 40+ hours makes my head spin.

[thejtolli]

totally understandable. So sweet to be able to redeem your identity as a mom, and as a family. YOU are free to do whats best for your family.

[Mess_of_a_Maniac]

I didn’t even know you have kids! I bet you’re a great mother!

[MrDavidlfields]

As with nearly every aspect in life, the key is balance. Stay Gold.

[jonipitcher]

I wanted and kinda still do want a job. BUT my husband is a fireman. He also dose wildland fire. His schedule makes him unreliable to be there.... so I want my kids to have someone always their for them. I have decided that for now I'm going to give my kids stability. It's not easy. I'm thinking of other ways to make myself feel important.

[emmelinesprig]

This is SO important! Thank you for sharing! I’m an exvangelical and I relate so much to that urge to rebel, even when the rebellion is not what I actually want for myself. It really shows how any high-control institution is toxic, because it forces people to extremes one way or another. I’m always reminding myself: reality is somewhere in the middle.

[wickedlittlehigh]

Your authenticity and sincerity is refreshing and your confidence is reassuring.

[Elektrochoke]

Being able to choose is being a feminist, choosing what your heart wants, and nobody telling you that you need to be one thing of the other because of gender. Way to go! I’m so happy for you! You don’t need to do for or opposite anyone, you need to do your own thing, as a person.

[monicaokungbowa]

I’m a teacher and I get to see my son for at least an hour in the morning and 3-5 at night depending on when he will actually go to sleep! I know the schedule will constantly change but for me rn it’s working out good. I need to work so I don’t have the option to stay home but I’m glad you made the choice what was best for you and your family

[marleee.]

I found out through dating someone that apparently a lot of Catholics have this same mindset, too, that a woman’s only job after having children is to be a SAHM/home maker (even though there’s no Church teaching that says that is a rule just people who believe there to be one). And it’s brutal because I’ve never pictured myself as being a SAHM (not that I’m not open to the idea but it’s just not the first thing I gravitate to) but here I was faced with someone judging me telling me that I can’t be a good parent if I decide to work over staying home. And I’m going to be completely honest there’s benefits and drawbacks to both styles of parenting and I think it’s best for the parents to decide what’s best for them and their family and not just a “oh women HAVE to be SAHM because that’s what women are supposed to do”

[lukebbuff]

My spouse and I are Catholics and she was was a teacher in a Catholic school. After having our baby she decided not to go back. The combination of the time constraints you mentioned and the abysmal compensation make it very hard for teachers to keep working with pre-school are children.