The Problem with TALKING About Trauma

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You were told you needed to TALK about the bad things that happened to you in the past. That might be important to get your healing started, but is it a solution all by itself? I can show you a DIFFERENT approach.

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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[pdelaprimm]

It can lead to rumination, further dysregulation and dissociation; I know, I used to do this ad infinitum.

[Marlena]

To acknowledge what happened and that it was NOT your fault is the key to unlock the prison of guilt & shame. The truth sets you free on a better path to heal. Thank you, Anna, for giving us the key ♡

[bridgettetraveler]

We should only talk to safe ppl. Once we move on we should try to help others. Let our test be testimonies!!!

[vickibazter]

Lack of parental bonding creates codependency.

[TashPointOh]

Healing takes place in you, in the present time. Whew. That is POWERFUL. I love that.

[JMcK]

So good ! This is exactly where true healing really starts to unravel the heart and soul ❤🙏

[sarahjmount]

This is so true and some of the best advice I’ve ever heard about complex trauma. I’ve heard Anna say this before and it really resonated with me. When you first start healing you need to talk about it and maybe you’ll always need to journal about it from time to time but to continue to talk about the trauma just makes me relive it and gets me nowhere. It turns into a hindrance. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve only been recovering for 2 years so I’m far from being a master at getting better so I still bring it up more than I should. But Anna just reminds me to be more self-aware about it so I can hopefully get back on the right path of healing my symptoms as the main priority. Thank you, Anna! ❤

[eclecticvicki]

Absolutely! Talk about it to the point you get some resolve and understanding and then don’t talk about it, at least not often. I know someone almost 90 years old that still brings up crummy things from her childhood and I always think “why?” each time.

[andrearush]

I got your book and started reading last night. Between the intro and first few pages of chapter 1, I could already feel the weight of shame and stuck lifting. Started my dedicated journal and daily practice and am committed. That's for leveraging hard for helping others heal. I have so much hope in a way I've never had. ❤️

[marthawho]

Truer words were never spoken! With my current therapist, I'm working to learn what happens with me now, internally, and I expect that is where the change happens. The process isn't natural to me but I'm doing what I can. It often means getting out of my head and feel my life happening right now.

[samarittan]

I have been in recovery for 20 years. When I need a therapist I will not tell them about my past. It does nothing for me anymore except open up old wounds and cause me to obsess and not be able to sleep for weeks afterwards. I need a therapist for maintenance. I understand at this point what my weaknesses are and what I need to do to shore myself up.

[karlareadstheclassics]

Thanks, Anna. Tools, knowing how to use them, & why.

[ambershepherd]

I really value your channel. Thank you.

[randomkiliinterviews]

I think the keeping talking is about hoping that some competent figure will finally listen, punish the sadists and narcissists and psychopaths and heal the nightmares and restore justice etc . And it’s enormously painful to see that people however well-meaning ( or in many cases not )are so incompetent and not really that interested . I think this is an adaptive strategy from childhood, to project competence and goodness onto the adult figures where there is much less, none at all, or even the opposite of both parameters in them . I think that was the ambient deal kids think they made in childhood … I allow you all to mistreat me, but one day I will understand why this was necessary and why I was wrong . I cannot stress this dynamic enough . This nearly killed me in time of regression and extreme stress . Admitting that adults are and have been brutally unjust, incompetent, incoherent characters .. and also that this made you run into one open knife after another later … And also realising that the world cares very little what you’ve been through and also that there are sadists who cherish your pain . All these admissions are so scary . They still are today . And certainly they were impaiible as a kid . I believe this is part of where the fantasy proneness comes from in people with trauma as well.
I personally find the thought chilling that the mechanics of this world make trauma victims not less but more likely to be re-abused and perhaps get into drugs and so on . Just to admit this evil indifferent aspect of the world was freeing to me .

[danielmilyutin]

My patterns and stages of healing were:
1. Talk nothing and hold everything in myself (and trying to supress everything)
2. Whining and painting myself victim to get some pity. Pitying myself.
3. Learning to just talk about it neutrally
4. Self awareness towards my feelings. Learning to acknowledge my feelings and needs. Learning my boundaries and how to put my interests on first place acknowledging interests of others in healthy way.
5. Talking with right people in the right time so better understand myself and some still unresolved aspects of trauma

My problem with my parents was that my feelings and needs and wishes were neglected. And I wanted confirmation. Like there was some prohibition from parents to have what I want, to go where I want, feel what I feel. And I wanted to win a permission, granting. It feels like freeing ot of slavery. And I was angry because I wanted conclusion and confirmation of my feelings which were ignored. Now, as I write this just feel compassion to my past self like to other person. Not pitying myself.

Thank you! And best healing for everyone!

[jeanniecooper]

Thought it was gone for a couple of centuries, but with so much bullying going on at work and with partners will bring it worse then ever, PTSD. Is real it will take way to 9yrs old and your breathing will still beat fast you will remember how you felt what was said, and you will go all through your life again all the bad times!

[bradmulligan]

I think you hit the nail, squarely on the head yes this is what I am, and how I got here. Awesome, ... Now what?

[Mallowolf]

Especially talking about it with an invalidating therapist. That’s just paying for the pleasure of being dysregulated by a pro.

[ToddAutry]

This is my take as well. Thankfully I have a good therapist but I went through dozens of bad ones.

[xavariel]

How do we become present? Tips?
I try to focus on what I'm feeling, in my current state, etc.. but it's not enough.