What Is the Relationship between Remorse and Infidelity?

Today Samuel shares what remorse sounds and looks like for those in crisis.

- What kind of affair was it?

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[Webbgurl]

I find that we can stand in the way of the Unfaithful “getting it.” Don’t let them blame or gaslight you anymore. Get help alone for your own pain and become stronger. Don’t keep giving the best of you even if it means you move out of the bedroom, stop cooking, etc. to show them you’ve got boundaries and are worthy of respect

[terrywade]

Displaying remorse with humility, patience, kindness, consistency, willingness and providing safety. What a concept!

[krismiller]

Thank you for this video Samuel. I swear AR knows exactly what we need when we need it. Today I needed this and hopefully my former UH will understand what I have been trying to say. I am 21 months from dday 1 at 18 months I was given the "real" disclosure (this was AFTER EMSO and at the year mark of MFL) unfortunately that wasn't the final disclosure i have had 2 more since then. He has changed his life in so many ways actually in basically almost in every way. He has done what I have asked since dday 1 (this is the only reason I am still fighting for us) except facing his truth. My hope is that at some point he realizes that he can not just put it in a box on the shelf and never open it again. He keeps saying he understands what the lies have done to our recovery but still holds back and says he is not that person anymore but he will not take responsibility for it until he is caught in the lie and even then still tries to manipulate. I can not get him to see that all the change in the world gets tainted when the lies continue. It makes me so sad, I love him with everything I have and I want to enjoy this renewed marriage we are trying to build but you can not build when the foundation has holes in it. Thank you Samuel for helping me feel at least today that I am not crazy .

[s.matthews]

"When they feel safe.. you're doing something right." Touché

[gatchcat]

Good episode! I'm going through this and the fact that I was safe with him and now I'm scared 😫😭. We've been together since we were in our teens. We've been married for 38 years. He broke the trust and respect for me. He's sorry, and he broke it off with the affair partner. It was for four months, right in our home town. We knew this person from years ago, but he met up with her again. So, now we're going to be in counseling with our Pastor and Leadership team. We're Born-again Christians, for about 30 years now. We're a little bit scared, but are willing to try to make it work. Please pray for us 🙏!

[askkathi]

Fantastic heartfelt video. I think this video is a must see for anyone who wishes to repair their relationship after their infidelity. Good work Samuel

[svang]

My unfaithful wife is doing all the right things. Phone access, tracking, communication, tells me everything she does, everything she's gonna do, where she's gonna go, surprise face and everything I need to feel safe. But I'm afraid I'm drifting from her. My feelings are changing. Idk what to do. I feel like I want to leave her and feel like I will eventually. I'm just so hurt angry and bitter. I don't feel like myself anymore and don't know how to be happy.

[skippitypap]

Thank you! This is exactly what I keep mentioning to him that he refuses to get and really listen to what I'm saying.

[debicrouch]

I want so desperately to feel safe. I ask all the time. EG “Please don’t let me find out from the app if you go some place off grid”. But no. It happens all the time. I think all the time how there are so few things he can do to help fix anything. But he won’t even consistently do what he can. Yesterday he made an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney for this morning (for just him to go)!!! Said he was going to talk to me about it last night but I wasn’t in a good mood. So he told me today. And he doesn’t understand why anything I get “told” after it is happening just wrecks me. I’m so ready to quit. We are two years out. But my last HUGE DDay was less than a year ago. And there have been disclosures as early as three months ago. Sad. Tired. Hopeless. Your videos help me. But he listens then does the exact opposite. Like in James when he talks about the man who looks at his reflection then forgets.

[guacamole]

There are so many things I want to write, but first of all THANK YOU, Samuel, for these videos. 6 days after Dday, with a baby on the way, a product of an IVF. We dreamed of having a family for 2 years, but toxic habits and unhealthy state of mind got us to where we are now. The videos have helped me a lot. I'm finally realizing that I can live my life as a happy person, with or without my spouse, but I choose to be with her and I commit to the recovery. She, as the unfaithful is also committed, with God's help, I see light at the end of the tunnel but also made peace with the fact that my life is not over if it does not work. I'm becoming a better human being.

[steves]

Thank you Sam. I pray that my UW takes this to heart.

[staceyfloyd]

U are saving lives thru these videos .... I want revenge in the worse way against my wife and her affair partner... Thank U

[lovely]

I dont know whether to stay or move out from our marriage. Im tired if his betrayal and constantly lying.

[mshangran]

Minimize triggers... Why won't he get rid of all the gifts she gave him? They're still around. Makes me crazy.

[glendatalamantes]

Mine totally has no remorse. Feels it needs to just be over. :/

[kristentt]

There is no remorse on my husband's part either. No TRUE remorse. He will act like he is genuinely upset, crying, saying he takes full responsibility. But he isn't willing to do anything to make amends. I felt unloved and disrespected after I flooded this week. He got mad and turned on me. So I pulled back, sent him usptairs, and said we were separated...bc this pattern has happened so many times. When I was still trying to talk about how he treated me, he yelled and said "we are over right?? So I don't have to listen yo this anymore" 😢😢😢 If you are genuinely concerned and heartbroken for your spouses pain, it doesn't stop when you don't get your way. 😢 That is manipulation.

[saundracohen]

Probably one of your best videos Samuel.

[cocory]

He was showing that he was remorseful and very sorry for 18 months. He gave me transparency, access to his phone and computer anytime I want, as well.
Then find out he was still cheating on me this whole 18 months. It was just a show even he said it wasn’t a show.
I don’t know what to believe anymore because damages to our marriage & me, and lost of the trust & safety is too big and serious.

[ShaunyP]

15 years! Lol. Maybe I’ll get a deathbed apology.

[olgabriggs]

What a betrayed spouse can say to the unfaithful spouse so that the unfaithful spouse could start opening up to show the remorse?