How to Start A Conversation: a Step by Step Guide

They’re offering a 30-day free trial if you use my link and are ADHD-friendly, so they don’t need you to put a credit card before you start.

Hello, Brains! You ever wonder how conversations are supposed to go? You ever feel that oh well… now you’re in the conversation and now you have to talk about whatever they want to talk about? Yeahh… turns out that’s not actually how conversations are supposed to go! (I know, it was new to us too.) In this video, we invited Caroline Macguire to share some practical tips on how to start a conversation, especially if you have ADHD. Well… she gave us a whole guide!

Here’s Caroline’s download on how to make small talk:

Socials: @authorcarolinem

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Music credits:
"Life of Riley", "The Show Must Be Go”
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0

What's in this video:
00:00 Introduction
00:29 Challenges of Starting Conversations
00:51 Expert Advice from Caroline Maguire
01:02 Step 1: Greet the Person
01:31 Step 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions
02:23 Step 3: Build on the Topic
05:40 Step 4: Listening
07:09 Step 5: Make Supportive Comments
08:27 Step 6: Nonverbal Signals
09:47 Step 7: Bridging Comments
11:18 Step 8: Practice Without Perfection
11:46 How to Exit Conversations
14:05 Support Us on Patreon
14:50 Additional Tips and Resources

[HowtoADHD]

They’re offering a 30-day free trial if you use my link and are ADHD-friendly, so they don’t need you to put a credit card before you start.

[jmclean]

As an awkward person it helps me to remember that conversation is a two-way activity, and that, sometimes you feel awkward because the other person is awkward too!

[scotmelville]

I approve of our sock puppet overlords taking over this channel

[shaferstromwall]

In the Midwest we use the "Midwestern Goodbye" to end conversations: "Welp, better get going." If you're sitting down you pair it with slapping both hand on your thighs as you stand up. Traditionally it's followed up by a conversation at the door, and then a conversation in the driveway... but it can be a quick getaway if you're fast!

[juanmacias]

I sometimes catch myself rehearsing conversations before they happen lol

[PomSmiles]

Having conversations with people has always been a challenge for me due to my ADHD. My mind often drifts, causing me to lose track of what’s being said and struggle to remember details. People would even get frustrated with me, and they will see my distraction as a lack of interest or me being insensitive. As a result, there have been a lot of misunderstandings as it strained many of my friendships and relationships, making it difficult to connect and communicate effectively.

[TheEDFLegacy]

Growing up with AuDHD in the 90's, I had to learn a lot of things the hard way, although I was lucky to have special supports that many did not during that era.

One of the things that really helps me growing up was my parents making me aware of my autism, which allowed me to become aware of my own mannerisms.

The biggest thing of all that I've learned over the years, and the thing that's gotten me noticed by many people, is that I stop to listen. I'm constantly tempted to talk people's ears off, but I've learned to stop and wait to listen to their response before continuing. If there's no interest, I don't bring it up, even if it kills me inside. You have to know your audience and who you're talking to. There are things I've talked to some people about, and don't with others.

Ironically, I have someone who shares a lot of my diagnosis that drives me absolutely crazy, because he talks _at_ me, instead of talking _to_ me. It made me realize how important it is to pay attention to how people react, Auntie tried to lead with leading questions to see whether they're actually interested in talking about something.

[tankgirl]

The only place I find it really easy to have small talk with random strangers is the Pet Store - or the cat section in the supermarket! As I leave I tell them I hope their cat acknowledges their efforts 😹

[lialeeCO]

This is also really useful for a non-native English speaker! I have been struggling to hold a conversation and this is super helpful.

[rainstone]

Something useful on this topic would be the different levels of intimacy in conversation.

[nBasedAce]

I think I might need a video on how to stop talking. My info dumps are very lengthy. ❤😊

[Laura-edkf]

This video isn’t just for ADHD-people. I know gobs of introverts and other awkward ppl who need this! 😅 including kids who are stuck on devices, don’t know how to interact w/ real-humans and heading into Middle School.

[Joe_Don]

One thing that I have started if I have something that I would really like for someone else to ask me about I ask them about it first. For example if I had a really good weekend and I want to talk about it I ask them about their weekend. Afterwards they usually ask me about my weekend.

I also love the fact that you continue to talk about games in a game store because board games are my big hobby.😊

[lilnarm_smoothblaze]

I haven’t been this entertained by hand puppets since Sesame Street!

[JohnPaul-bwgk]

Thanks a lot. I really needed this. Theres a nuerotypical technique to facilitate conversation called the FORD method which presented some blindspots for nuerodivergant people. I think these 12 steps really patch up all the holes. Learned about the FORD method on a hyper fixation spree.

[eliljeho]

Especially useful with those who are AuDHD

[madwilliamflint]

I didn't...think I'd get so much out of this. But to hear this stuff quantified so clearly is SUPER valuable.

[JackieYYC]

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one feeling this way. For me, my biggest nemesis is attending a wedding. So many strangers and awkward conversations. It's so mentally draining, I usually have to recover from it for days lol. Great and very useful video for those situations!

[katzenbekloppt_mf]

Yes, ENDING a conversation is the one I struggle with.
Want it but don't know how to do politly and later I am the one that talked too long🤦🏽‍♀️
Nope! They just didn't leave me alone! I was clearly not interested, but told to "be polite".
In the end whatever I do will be wrong...😢

[makedaevilmage]

Paying attention during a conversation is something I struggled with even as a kid. I learned as a kid to respond to people talking to me like "uhu" and nodding your head, that sort of thing ... I also learned to say a line back to the person talking to me (it also helps me remembering what I need to remember, when I say it out loud, and the other person might find acknowledgement in that I guess). I did find out I like to talk ... like a lot. But listening to another person is a bit of a struggle. I even tend to block off comliments or comments about me or my behaviour etc...