Relationship OCD vs. Relationship Anxiety | Why You’re Questioning Everything

CHAPTERS//
00:00 - Intro
01:03 - What is OCD?
02:45 - What is Relationship OCD?
03:33 - Relationship Anxiety
04:19 - The Cycle of Relationship OCD
05:41 - Sponsor
07:00 - Tips for Partners
08:18 - How to Support Your Partner
09:43 - Compulsions in Relationship OCD

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Theme Song:

[Brownie]

The way ROCD has affected me is this. My obsessions are that I am not with "the one", that I may feel tempted to cheat one day, that I am not attracted to my partner, that I don't love my partner because I get irritated with him or because the honeymoon stage is over, that I will fall out of love. I also have misread these obsessions as gut feelings. The compulsions are looking things up on the internet (for example How to know if you're with "the one" or Signs you're not in the right relationship), asking for reassurance, asking people around me if they think my relationship is healthy. My triggers are any unhealthy relationship in media, any article saying to "trust your gut" in a relationship (harmful, as it's difficult for me to separate obsessive fear with gut feeling), observing any relationship in which there is cheating or falling out of love. I have been dealing with ROCD for 5 and a half years in my healthiest, most stable relationship of my life. It really has nothing to do with the person. The thing that helped me most is STOPPING the compulsion, even when it seems impossible to do so.

[Kialindsey]

Thank you for being so nonjudgmental. I’ve personally felt a lot of shame around compulsions and the constant validation seeking and even worse when I feel like I want to stop but can’t. It’s the worse.

[mariademicheli]

As someone who suffered from OCD for 2 years it's great to see videos that raise awereness of OCD, so thank you! And for anyone struggling with any kind of OCD, there is a treatment for it, in my personal experience CBT has changed my life

[rachelgoodman]

ROCD is the most excruciating type of mental torture. I had it for years and it keeps you in limbo - not leaving, not committing. Really tough. Thanks for bringing general awareness to this topic! I look forward to the day that I see more research about it. I was shocked when I saw this video because NO ONE talks about ROCD!

[lynlyn]

My favorite therapist on YouTube ✨ love how you have your thoughts organized . It’s easy for the audience to follow :-)

[fabiennerivet]

Oh my god thank you for this video! I remembered asking for it a while ago!

[jessapuff]

I was really struggling with these “what if” questions regarding my relationship. My therapist asked me: what other area in our lives are we told we only have one shot? That really opened my eyes and I felt better knowing that that some questioning is normal due to monogamy being so prioritized in our culture. I’d be curious to learn where the line is between where I’m at and relationship OCD. Also I feel like a lot of the compulsions mirror behaviors from disorganized attachment (anxious and avoidant).

[alehidalgoc]

Nice video! I would love a video about how to stop sabbotaging relationships, specially at the beginning. How to stop fixating on little details and being very demanding with others, looking for small "mistakes" and excuses to break up, cause you feel unloved if others dont express love exactly how you want it. And that also brings a lot of anger. Pleasee!! Thank you for your amazing videos, they help us heal ❤️‍🩹

[haryel]

You’re so good at what you do! I’m learning so much with you. I’m becoming a better person for people in my life 😊

[rmy_Youtube]

Oh wow! Interesting topic! StephAnya is always helping me learn about things I've never thought of

[jennifertan]

wow i really appreciate you narrowing this down! i really resonate with your description of the cycle and feel i may have relationship ocd. i am constantly seeking reassurance from my partner and get asked "do you not trust me" which is hard bc on paper of course, but the intrusive thoughts are very hard to explain that it's not personal to them but just part of the cycle

[katiesackett]

ROCD has ruined almost every relationship I've ever been in. I always thought the intrusive thoughts, ruminating, and compulsions were tied more to my anxiety and depression. Its nice to know its something else. That explains why my usual coping mechanisms and tools don't help.

[cyandiver]

I was married to someone with OCD, which turned into them obsessively going through my accounts, phone, computer for proof that I had been with someone else, and me constantly trying to reassure them that it wasn't true. It was abusive. It was such a horrible experience.

[elisebuiefamilylaw]

This is such an important topic—relationship anxiety and OCD can be so overwhelming. Thank you for breaking it down and helping people feel less alone. 💜💜

[Inariinspired]

I suffer from relationship rumination and having to catch myself using CBT regularly to try and not feed it when my partner isn't around because I don't want to verbally ask for reassurance all the time. It is exhausting at times. To all you people out there who are similar, im sending you love ❤️

[saynohmo]

i feel like chelsea from love is blind MIGHT struggle with this

[Bosque]

Thank you so much for talking about this! I had no idea existed, so I learned something new today ❤
I was thinking, if you are still open to suggestions, what about making a video related to body dysmorphia? I would love to see your explanations and advices on the field
Thank you again Steph!!

[ntokozongiba]

I love your videos!❤ Please do a movie breakdown next, specifically 'Why did I get married'

[exmoextra]

Damn.. i thought i was self sabotaging, but i think maybe i have this instead because I'm not trying to push people away while im acting out during my attempts to seek reassurance...i try not to obsess but i tend to even though I'm usually a very independent person..

[calebrosario]

So happy you made a video on this! Thank you for listening!!