Being Nonbinary Vs. Androgyny - What's the difference?

What you where and what you gender is, are two very different things. A nb person (me) and a supah androgynous person (awesome ari) talk about that :)
Music by: Playing House

Stalk me! (Or don't, I don't own you...)

Instagram: ash_hardell

[HeyThere]

Ari and I chat about the difference between androgyny and being nonbinary. ISNT ARI LOVELY?! Comment if you agree :)

[t-shades]

The way I explained nonbinary to my dad, which he seemed to understand a little bit, was "Imagine being in elementary school gym class and they divide the class into girls and boys, and you're just left in the middle, not sure which side to go to. Both feel right and wrong at the same time."

[evag-s]

I explained being non-binary to a cis friend like this:
Imagine we live in a world where we're fruits. And we all live in a grocery store where there are two baskets: apples and oranges. But I'm a pear, so I have to live in a separate pear basket. Lots of people walk by all the time and ignore I'm there because they're only used to buying apples and oranges and have no idea what a pear would taste like. Sometimes people think I must have been misplaced and put me in the apple basket or the orange basket. Sometimes they even try to throw me on the ground or remove me from the store because they believe only apples and oranges belong in the store. Despite all this, I'm a pear, no matter how hard I try to disguise myself as an apple or an orange.
Obviously this is a pretty silly super simplified analogy, but it kinda works for me.

[Hippidippimahm]

Remember the episode of SpongeBob where he gets stuck in Rock Bottom on accident, and goes to the bathroom but neither door sign made sense? That's exactly how I feel.

[ContraPoints]

"Describe being NB to a cis person"—I no longer identify as NB (binary trans woman now) so I realize the period where I used the NB label may be suspect, but I think it accurately described my experience at the time. What it was like: I felt like I could not comfortably exist in the world as either a man or a woman. In retrospect I think I wanted to be a woman but felt that I could not be that as a result of my male attributes, and living in a middle space was for me an important experiment that allowed me to start imagining what being a trans woman might be like without yet committing to it fully. So I turned out not to be "truly" NB I suppose, but the experience has left me with a sense of how someone *could* occupy that state permanently: always feeling like neither "man" or "woman" is a comfortable role, and preferring instead to shun the binary categories altogether. I guess that's not really much of a description. It's an intensely difficult thing to describe.

Loved the video! <3

[t-shades]

The conflation of "androgynous" and "nonbinary" really bothers me because my gender "expression" is fairly neutral. I'm not trying to look masc, fem, or androgynous; I just wear what I wear and it comes across how it comes across. But at the same time, there are times when I can't wear what I want to wear because it makes me dysphoric when I look at it on my body.

[nautilusbelauensis]

I am overly distracted by this amazing octopus mug... I need that in my life

[arrowsfitz]

omg screaming in my room right now because this came out as beautifully as i expected. i really loved hanging with you and chatting, love. you're great.

[jaxongamble]

Feeling rebellious watching this without headphones next to my super traditional grandfather (who doesn't know I'm trans.)

[ThexBigxGHxox]

This is a brilliant discussion! I know people, myself included, who have mixed up androgyny with being non-binary. My relatives have looked at me cutting my hair short and wearing less 'feminine' clothes as an indication that I want to change my gender and it really isn't about that for me, at all--it's just the way I like to express myself, which for me does not coincide with the gender I identify as. Awareness is certainly needed in this area, so thank you both so much for this :) I'm probably going to send this video out to my family now! :p

[Mandrake_root]

The way I describe being non-binary to a cis person is that I look at a group of guys and say "not the same gender as me" which is expected because I am not a guy, trans or otherwise. I get this same feeling when I look at a group of girls. "Not the same gender as me". However when there is a non-binary person, feminine or masculine origin aside, I see them and feel "they are the same gender as me".

[jk-jllo]

I think a better way to explain being nonbinary is using a childhood metaphor. In my part of the world as a kid, we played Coke or Pepsi. All the kids that liked Coke better would stand next to one wall, and all the kids that liked Pepsi better would stand next to the opposite wall. The game is based on the assumption that everyone has a preference. But, what if you don't really like either, or you like both of them a lot and can't choose between them? Which side do you go on if you feel indifferently (or too strongly) about both of the two options presented to you?

[timmik]

When Ash was asking about why people conflate androgyny with nonbinary, I loved Ari's answer (and Ash's) but I was also thinking about how a lot of it is representation? Right now, go, think of a typical nonbinary person - not that I think there's such a thing. For a lot of us that's gonna be a thin androgynous white person, most often afab. That's what most well-known stories of nonbinary people are, even on YouTube they're Chandler Wilson or Ash or Miles McKenna (all of whom are great, don't get me wrong!). Could this be part of it? Nonbinary is often represented by white thin people which is also Western society's image of androgyny, so they automatically associate the two.

[ichbinben.]

I just love this comment section! It's so positive and friendly, I'm not used to this anymore. Most YouTubers I watch have so much hate in their comment sections, that I'm afraid to read the comments at all. So, yeah, just wanted to say that this community is dope! Okay, bye!

[TheOtivid]

Within the past year, I had a mini gender crisis where, since I started really becoming comfortable in "masculine" clothing, I started to question whether or not I identified with any number of the nonbinary genders. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that I really am so proud to be a woman, but I do like dressing androgynously from time to time. Even well meaning people can sometimes conflate the two, even when they know there's a difference.

[RianaNicole]

I'm a cisgender straight female but I watch these videos to better understand people, and i find it very interesting! :) Always be yourself!

Edit! Wow! 150 likes! Thanks guys!! :)

[anon-ikem]

thank you!! my best friend is nonbinary but i am androgynous and people tend to think that this is the same thing, which is not true! it’s great to have someone finally talk about it. thank you thank you thank you!!

[LexiePersonForever]

i'm afab, dress very femininely, but am definitely nonbinary. how i dress. is just a style that i like. it's got nothing to do with my gender at all. i identify as agender, because i have just never felt like a man or a woman. cis people know they're cis, because they feel comfortable being labeled as their assigned gender, but trans people don't! at first i thought i was a transguy, because i thought that only the binary existed, but then i realized that i didn't like being identified as a guy either. i was super fucking confused and i was like "maybe i'm gender fluid???" until i came across nonbinary genders, and i finally didn't hate myself as much. you know how it feels when you can tell you're not being your authentic self? how it sucks and makes you feel like shit? well imagine that with such a personal identity like gender. even when i didn't know my gender, it sucked because i somehow just knew it wasn't right. now i feel much better.

[americawasnevergreat]

When either one of them talk I get lost in their beauty.

[liannedegraaf]

I am the only blind viewer who gets super sad when there’s just music playing and you KNOW there’s text and you’re like well shit