How To Stand Up For Yourself If You Hate Conflict

Discover The 4 Emotions You Need To Make a Killer First Impression:

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**Hello! Adding this in because some people missed the video on How To Stop People From Talking Over You. This is Ben! I'm the guy in this video. I founded Charisma On Command with Charlie four years ago. You can catch a bit of my story towards the end of this video when I introduce myself. Charlie is still creating videos! He's going to release his next one on Monday. Hope that clears things up a bit :-)
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Have you ever had a tough conversation in front of you and not known exactly how to handle it?

Maybe it was with your boyfriend or girlfriend, amongst friends or roommates, with your family, or at work.

Difficult conversations are stressful because if you handle them poorly, it can do irreparable damage to your relationship or your career. And we never get taught how to do it correctly!

So in this video I go over the principles you can apply to make almost any difficult conversation go well for you. You don’t need to use all of these in all situations. What I want to do is arm you with options so you can choose the right tool for whatever situation you're in.

00:36 3 things to consider BEFORE tough conversations and difficult conversations
00:42 Draw your line. Define what's acceptable and what's unacceptable.
02:20 Thinking things through as if you're the other person
03:38 Set the tone that YOU want the conversation to have
04:10 Things to consider DURING a tough conversation
04:30 State facts and feelings to prevent someone from being defensive
05:30 What to do when someone is making jokes at your expense that you don't like
06:48 Go on the record early so that a tough conversation isn't a surprise
08:11 Have mutual understanding and don't assume about what the other person is thinking
08:50 What to do when you're the one who made a mistake or how to receive feedback
12:05 How to handle emotionally charged conversations and have confidence
13:50 How to calm down a tough conversation that is getting heated
15:40 A more formal introduction!

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Or if you want to see my personal stuff (my regular life + Charlie playing music):
Instagram: @IamBenAltman and @CharlieHoupert

[Dr.physioAli]

Rule: don't generalize the blame. Be specific and factual while pointing to other's faults.
That's so important 💯

[catief]

Thank you for the video. My father's always been the type to start yelling in arguments so I've just grown up trying to be non-confrontational. That mindset doesn't always work in the real world.

[ajaythomas]

Ben is a great person he's got a positive vibe to him, looking forward for more videos featuring him.

[hafsaalkaa]

For those who don't know who that is his name is Ben, he's been working with Charlie since the beginning of their channel. You can find the moment where Charlie introduce him at the end of the video : " How to stop people from talking over you."
Ben is now doing videos too so that we can have more content (twice a week if I remember well). ^^

[yasmiiineee]

Woah why all the negative comments?
The content is great. And Ben is a great speaker.
I loved your words at the end, Ben! Thank you!!

[quintenheijn]

"Now You've labeled and generalized - That's what EVERYONE does" lol.

[acenavi]

I like this. Knowing what you want, being truthful, and conveying your feelings in a caring way would do wonders.

[StriderCX]

Be mature, take ownership, be respectful, be a gentleman. Thank you sir, you're teaching people manners.

[guydude]

That little bit at the end where he says he respects us for trying to improve as a person really made me feel better about my self I am trying to be better and I should be happy about that

[Guy_LastName]

addressing something the first time it happens is a big thing for me.
"you encourage what you tolerate"

[emilyhedges]

I love you guys! I have been doing a lot of independent study in many of the areas that you guys have touched on for years now. More for my own enjoyment than anything else. But I wanted to point out how extremely well done your videos are. You both seem intelligent, well put together, clever and genuinely kind. I appreciate what you're doing for others and what you have done for me. Thank you both.

[noseefood]

My advice: 1. Don’t use the word “always” 2. Be direct and point to the problem not the person 3. Always give the person an out. Don’t give an ultimatum 4. Thank them if they correct the problem

[Bladeclaw]

Great job again Ben!

Your example of what happened with the girlfriend is exactly what happened with me and my ex. I had to layout what is acceptable and what is not. I had to define my boundaries and what how much enough is enough. And the hardest part was I had to get the courage to stand up for myself to say how I was not fairly treated. After giving her some chances to work on herself I did not see any attempt and had to break apart with. I did not see it moving forward but actually pulling me back into a mindset I fought hard to get out of.

Confronting a friend who tells jokes that go overboard is a great example of:
1. Believing that you are worth being respected
2. Setting boundaries and expectations of what is acceptable behavior to you
3. Taking action to demand (not command) respect when those boundaries are crossed.
4. Rewarding good behavior.

What I also like is that you said, If and Then. You gave Tom a choice. If he will continue then their will be consequences (e.g. you won't be his friend) Tom needs to make sure that you are not bluffing and not just saying that. That you do as you say. If Tom continues and you don't warn him again or he steps over you again and again, it will become a habit for Tom to keep doing it. You mentioned it by catching it early.

Tom needs to feel that respect means something to you and you will cut off ties to those who don't respect you. Also that you are not needy for friends, and will not put up with bad behavior just to keep friends. I see this a lot in guys who stay in groups and are disrespected but they still stay there because they have nobody else to hang with. I this really sad. When they stand up and demand respect. The group tells him to relax and not worry about it since he will come back to them anyway. They are walking on top of him and he is not leaving them. The worst part is if he keeps doing this it starts to become a habit and belief that he does not deserve to be treated well or respect.

You can use this information for ideas for your next video such as:
How to set standards and expectations
How to demand for respect
How to get the courage to stand up for yourself

Once again great job Ben. You are Charlie 2.0 :)
You guys both do an amazing job. I would love to help you guys out and be a part of your team, someday. All your videos are amazing from breaking down conversations in videos, to predictions based on charisma, and really helpful actionable tips.

[theaahello]

I JUST LOVE that when you guys are making videos you’re not cutting parts of videos and putting it together you’re just filming the whole video in one time couse you’re the first channel that i see doing this. you don’t cut yourselves in the middle of sentence and that’s great! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEOS they’re really helpfull ;DD. LOVE YOUR SELF IMPROVEMENT CHANNEL😄♥️😉

[Karentulla]

I'm used to seeing Charlie, but that doesn't mean, you're not doing a good job too! Thanks for this helpful video :)

[badboysandhu]

This guy speaks so well...im impressed..i can tell hes a nice guy

[JD-dfzl]

Both of you guys are so charismatic. Great job!

[ZhakyDK]

I'm so grateful that you actually put in effort to give advice on what to do "on the flipside". So many books and videos just paint the picture of you (the reader/audience) being a saint who doesn't do mistakes or at least does not give you advice on what to do, when you're on the other side of the fence e.g. there's a lot of advice on how to deal with customer support, when you aren't satisfied with their service, and only little advice on what to do, when you have a customer who isn't satisfied with your service, and you're pulling all strings you have at your disposal to satisfy them (I know now that giving workable compromises (when possible) and giving the customer options, works in most cases).

[landon]

Really like the addition of videos with you as the host! Definitely adds depth and diversity to the channel.

[chukita]

I've been watching for months and never left a comment before, but I wanted to let you guys know I really appreciated how thorough this video was. I enjoy the longer format