How Narcissistic Abuse Changes You

Narcissistic abuse begins with the effort to exert power by placing you into the lower position in a hierarchy. The longer you are exposed to this, the more likely you are to change in debilitating ways. Dr. Les Carter describes how this can happen, then he challenges you to reverse the trend by resolving to change on your own terms.

📣 Dr. Carter's new course, Anger Games, is now available! 📣

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his YouTube channel, his videos have received more than 130 million views.

You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
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Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101

Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:

[amandaliverpool]

I've lived with abusive behaviour most of my life. I often wonder what I would have been like without it!

[Marcelube]

Man...can you imagine having the privilege of having this person as as your therapist ? Wow.

[familychromebook]

I wanted to tell you guys something that some of you might find controversial. I did something nice for a narcissistic relative today that did not require me to see them. I decided that showing love in a way that is comfortable for me is not so much about them, but about being true to who I am. I honestly felt good and relieved to just be me. I understand now, that I can stand firm in the truth and firm in my boundaries without being pushed or prodded into giving what I'm not willing to give and I'm really happy about that. That's progress to me.

[OldCake-bq]

Thank you Dr. Carter! I read something recently that resonated with me: “ Others can hurt me, but they do not define me”. We must be aware of what’s going on, but stand for ourselves too.

[gracegarce]

The narcissist made me realize how I shouldn't be.

[JAYNEYOUNG-zo]

I'm sold Dr. Carter. I want to be a softer, non cynical old gal. Being around my abusive husband made me into a nasty old bat. I found myself doing some of the same things he did. I'd antagonize him because I had such contempt for him. He has since moved out....and im morphing back into the don't worry be happy person i am. Like a factory reset!

[judysangregorio]

We’ve ALL made bad decisions for ourselves because we didn’t know any better. Our parents, or people molding our lives, never educated us about the evil, self-centered narcissists that lurk everywhere just waiting to take advantage of a kind, decent human. We must first forgive ourselves, and getting rid of the disrespectful narcissists in our life is key. Once burned, twice shy. Thank you Dr C. Hi to Gus!

[joannajohnson]

I appreciate you being there for my journey, Dr. C. Please give Gus a big hug from me. He looks great!

[lilithschwarzermond]

1. Lack of freedom;
2. Dignity is stripped away;
3. Trust becomes a challenge;
4. Who else can I trust?
5. Defenses become stronger;
6. More of a reactor, no initiator;
7. Respond with own controll;
8. Easy tension;
9. Stay stuck in the shame game;
10. Self destructive behaviour;
11. Extremes in attachment styles.

[maryannd]

After many years of a narc relationship I’m very slow to trust, including trusting my own judgment

[diashelle]

I attribute my lifelong commitment to self-improvement and self-acceptance to the absence of the same in the people who raised me.

[williammoore]

Thank God my childhood had already forced me to see others cynically. Thanks Mom

[roxymovie]

Ongoing abuse brings you far away from what you were meant to be!!!

When your essence, which is unchangeable, has been imprisoned by indoctrination and fear, everything in you might have been changed, especially your thinking and emotions (like self-doubting, feeling guilty, feeling not responsible for yourself but for others instead etc.) and these changes have a major input on your health, mentally, emotionally and physically.

[ggirl]

You made it clear for me that I was with a narcissist. Thank you so much for that ❤I've been so confused 😢 i'm 64 years old. This will be my last relationship. I'm so tired and depressed. Wish I could have you as a therapist, you seem so caring and loving. I've never felt more lonely in these six years...

[nicholecornes]

Sometimes you feel empowered and then you arent so sure of yourself

[yukio_saito]

It made me unsure of what a healthy relationship is.

[dianekyle]

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IS INUNDATED WITH RESPECT FOR OTHER'S FEELINGS AND OTHER'S BOUNDARIES!!!

[amywoodson]

It's a bit weird to me the timing, but I was having a breakthrough and your video enforced what I was already realizing.

A big part of the problem is my response to the abuse. And I am not going to beat myself up about it. Or my past anymore. It isn't healthy. It doesn't bring me to a good place staying in a mode where I am strictly coping. The change needs to start with me because I am the ONLY person I can change.

And while controversial to some methods we have been taught, I believe honesty is the best policy. The only reason they get away with this behavior is because we don't hold them accountable. Instead, we pick up all kinds of habits to be able to tolerate what they are dishing out. Builting walls, vices, distractions, anything but the truth.

A healthier response would be to stop walking on eggshells, stop playing their game. DRC and healthy boundaries. I always liked the idea, I just wasn't sure how to do it. This is all new to me. But everything else I've tried hasn't worked and I refuse to live the definition of insanity. I need to change. And I need to stop hiding out. It's time to get back out there. Because I don't like where I am and I don't want to be in this place any more.

[nicholecornes]

Im definitely not the same i protect myself so much and sometimes get depressed

[Teacher]

12:08 “Watch what happens next because what you meant for negative is going to turn into a springboard for positive growth on the inside of me.” LOVE THAT, Dr C ☀️ Thank you!