The Early Dance of Narcissistic Abuse: What Really Happens

🔴 New Course: Unplug From The Matrix Of Narcissism

[RayneyKayLa]

Love that this honestly talks about the side of us that also IDEALIZE the Narc when we first meet them. If we didn't do this we wouldn't have rose tinted glasses on to their red flags.

[thomasotnes]

Important to understand that the idealization of the narcissist happens because the narcissist probes you for what you desire and then dishonestly projects himself/herself as what you desire and makes you believe might've found your ideal partner.

[stephenholcomb]

People misunderstand what love bombing really means. It's not like chocolates and balloons, it's a feeling of someone trying to make you feel safe and close in whatever way they think you want that.

[angiebrown]

They mirror you to what you want but know they can’t truly give you

[Happygoesalwayslucky]

The biggest red flag my ex showed me and i was so stupid to ignore it.
She repeatedly told me that i deserve better. Now i understand INDEED

[veraaj]

My family constantly tells me I need to forgive and to not be so angry and learn to let go. They don't understand that I was codependent and enmeshed completely with my narc. I need that anger to keep myself in reality and to keep myself safe from falling back into the traps laid out by her.

[jleach]

I was delusional and wanted someone so much I overlooked things, abandoned myself, made others better than they were...I didn't value myself enough, so them not valuing me was in alignment with the relationship I had with myself...

[MariacEsterri]

Some narcissist are so good at selling themselves, they can totally mirror you so well that you fall for it and get kinda enchanted ....

[julianterris]

The "love bombing" can be replaced by "negging" (put-downs are interchangeable with compliments) The effect is the same, to "shake you" into thinking they are *better than you* or *the source of love* you've been searching for.

[MzSoulll]

He is so so right. Idealization is such a blinder…and many of us who were traumatized struggle with that.

[pandaraeandi]

I’ve always been able to pick up on narcissistic energy, without even realizing what I was doing. This is exactly what I’ve tried to explain to people—the sheer insanity making of watching people throw themselves into these relationships and how just completely against keeping distance they are. Narcissists are a problem because we make them one. We reward this behavior. Far more people do than don’t. It’s just the worst thing to watch.

[petergriffiinbirdistheword]

My narcissist was abusive from day 1 but ironically... my parents were highly abusive so I was accustomed to being treated like garbage. 😮‍💨 Only love bomb was when I tried to leave.

[Lily_and_River]

I was so confused by all the simplistic descriptions of love bombing and trauma bonds and codependency etc. on the internet but also by therapists, that I didn't see how it applied to my situation. But also because I didn't know I was dealing with a covert narcissist I felt very judged and defensive about these kind of labels. It made me feel I was severely traumatised or insecure going into the relationship but I wasn't. I believed his story from the beginning. He made me feel safe and made me trust him. I thought we were going to be happy. I idealised the idea of him. But I think many many people do this even with the people they love, even when they're not with a narcissist and are relatively healthy people. Because adoration is a part of falling in love. The only thing I see now clearly is that I ignored the red flags pretty early on because I had already given myself emotionally and didn't want to give up. I had learned as a child that you need to fight for attention and love. So I was used to things not being easy and started to 'make things work' even though they didn't work. I was young, I believed everything would get better. It didn't. Well I did, but he didn't. But then you feel stuck in a marriage and it's very hard to get out. So I can only be proud that I did leave when I started to feel very unsafe and I realised he was neglecting, rejecting and abusing me. Only to find out months later he is a narcissist and he betrayed me from the beginning.

[elsh]

When i took accountability for my part in how i ended up in a narcissistically abusive relationship (again), that's when i got massive breakthroughs, made chamges and now know i will never find myself back in another one again.

I have since met people who have tried to idealise me, and i have been repulsed and repelled due to how incredibly scary it felt and uncomfortable it made me.

[azkhvy]

Awakened Empath. Our turn now. Better run. It's gonna hurt.

[barbarabuttler]

If the narcissist is a relative, friend or coworker there is no love bombing.

[caravb]

There is usually a honeymoon phase where its mostly good except for blips which come out of nowhere, for example they are building the gaslighting. Its like you thought you knew them but they show a whole different person and then they hide that person again and you think you imagined it. A sort of Jeckel and Hyde scenario

[rhythmnblues]

They reflect how you see them in their eyes. You’re idealizing them and they’re reflecting back that idealization back to you. It really comes across as love at the beginning, it’s hard to spot.

[nryane]

There was a love bombing stage in our relationship. However, other than one invitation to visit him in hospital (relayed to me by his younger son), there was no hoovering.

I went full no contact and let my daughter and his sons know that I didn’t want to hear about him from them.

Because of my upbringing, I learned to idealize him and ignore the red flags, and not listen to the one time he told me the truth about himself - that he was incapable of loving anyone. I used that message as a challenge to prove him wrong! My love would win him over. (Of course, it didn’t.)

[gwendolynwehage]

I never experienced "love bombing". As a young child I only experienced continual demeaning, mocking and rejection. And, after I grew up my family still did this hating and denying my good life. They hated that I was happy and separate from them. I had to go no contact because growing up and leaving didn't change their ways toward me.