How Covert Narcissists Lure Empaths As Their Victims

Covert narcissists are amongst the sneakiest, most dangerous narcissists of all because they operate like stealth bombers.

Being connected with a covert narcissist is no less than experiencing psychological warfare.

If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it would be usual for you to feel incredibly unsafe and on edge, and to start checking up, investigating him or her, and feeling like you are losing their mind.

How is the covert narcissist different to the more overt, classic type of narcissist?

Why is it so many people may NOT even know (for a long time) that this person even IS a narcissist?

If you know you have had a tendency towards covert narcissists, or are in a relationship with one now – or even if you are not sure exactly what a ‘covert narcissist’ is – I can’t recommend that you watch this Thriver Tv Episode enough.

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[jcnlaw]

Well-known divorce lawyer here. Just my two cents: I would love to see a mandatory course on detecting a covert narcissist BEFORE people were allowed to get married. I would see far fewer divorce and child custody clients, but I could pivot to practice another area of law and so many empath’s would not have their lives destroyed.

[svinland]

"The covert narcissist's action don't match up with their words and it's driving you insane." God damn this is so spot on! This is just so accurate. Exactly what messed with me.

[svalamagneak.asdisardottir]

I sacrifised so much of my own integrity, time, money, interests, belongings and sanity for my ex, in order to please his disapproving attitude. Every single symptom of a covert narc mentioned in the video fits with my ex. I fell for him because I thought he was kind, shy and sensitive. He turned out to be the most calculated, manipulative, malignant and pathological person I’ve ever come across. When his mask started to slip and the devaluation began I was about to lose my mind over the confusion. One year now since I moved out unexpected hoovering attempts were made towards me. 2 months of no contact now and I’m still suffering from cognitive dissonance occationally and reexperiencing traumas and triggers. I loved him beyond imaginable and thought he was my true love.

[kristianjensen]

I provided unconditional love, acceptance and attention to my narcissist.

I lost myself (metaphorically speaking) and had to rebuild myself stronger, better, faster and I am actually better off for it. The experience was a catalyst for me to get my shit together, for me to learn how to set boundaries and become a more authentic version of myself.

[charliebubbles]

The shy (covert) narcissist....a perpetual victim and “poor-me” personality....never in the wrong, always in the right.

[RecreationalUseOnly]

I’ve broken the cycle. It’s so peaceful now. Boundaries are so important to build now.

[-timaeus-]

It seems that once people find out about narcs and get away from the initial abuse they begin to see narcs everywhere and start test all their future potential mates or narcissism. I think that if the victim is not careful they can become so afraid of being with another narc that they lose the ability to fully trust other potential mates and as such cut themselves off from the love and support they need.

[MsGrapeNehi]

I’m becoming more and more convinced that my ex-fiancé is a covert narcissist. He was unbelievably charming, kind, giving, etc. when everything was going well, but whenever we had the slightest disagreement or I brought up any concerns about his behavior, he would have a meltdown and say things like, “I feel like you can barely stand to be around me”, and “I’m just a burden to you”, and I would inevitably have to reassure him that I didn’t hate him and that we didn’t have to break up, and thus the original problem was never resolved. I was constantly babysitting his feelings, making sure there was never any conflict, and walking on eggshells. Not to mention the lies, the changing stories, the flimsy excuses, the way he conveniently forgot important conversations or accused me of saying things I never said.

Every day I have to remind myself: “I’m not crazy. This is not normal behavior. I deserve better.” And I thank God that I didn’t marry him. That I saw the warning signs before it was too late.

[anitabarneycastle]

the gut feelings became worse and worse...finally I could not stand to be in their presence. They are so very secretive and shady acting its unreal. Their electronics are fortresses. I had enough and within 2 weeks they were living with another supply. Incredible. Bizarre.

[christnae]

This feeling, that there is something very wrong, but couldn't prove really, THATS exactly what brought me here
They all live a doublelife, but always have no fault
Never
I loved him very much, but his kind words where empty words, and he told the same words to another person at the same time, at the end, as i walked away, he blamed me, for the end of the relationship, I was the kindest most trustful person, but he said at the end, it is your fault, everything, if you hadn't said this or that, if you had been more trustful, if...if...if..
I'm realizing I loved a man, that I didn't know, a different man, but that was a mask
And as you come closer to truth, the more the mask slips down, they do everything to make you the bad person
I never heard an apologize from him, not even, when he slept with another woman
He came back an acted as if it never happend
And if i wanted to know, he gave me the silent treatment
I never was so down in my life, I never felt more worthless, I died from inner pain
But now, I deleted all ways that he can reach me, and im getting better
This is not Love, he can't love
Not even himself
I feel sorry for that, but now i have to look for myself

[annatiernan]

This is one of the best videos on covert narcissists that I have watched. Good grief, the ex had all these behaviors! And he did have me convinced that all the problems in the relationship were my fault, I was looking up information on the internet, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, yikes!

[bbjoyce-jevx]

This is an EXCELLENT video. It clears up a lot of information about the characteristics of covert narcissists. I was the full target of the covert mom / sister team. I'd always sense an uneasiness around the both of them. They are plotters & schemers who pulled me in by being kind. Then the " claws" in them came out.

[michaeladalton]

This is what I'm dealing with... no accountability at all. So secretive. Stuff he's pulled has blown my mind.

[kimclarkson]

This video is 100% spot on. I had a two year relationship with one. I was so confused during the devaluation and then the eventual discard broke my heart and devastated my soul. After a year of being away from him I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. I tried therapy, studying, working on myself, developing hobbies etc. Nothing helped. I thought I’d never be whole again, then I found your videos as an answer to prayer. Thank you for helping me stop the plague of non-stop thoughts, shame, humiliation, hurt and betrayal I felt. The information and tools you share have truly been life changing. Thank you!!!

[Tom-grlh]

Melanie the hardest part I found apart covert narcissists is before you know them properly they appear VERY SIMILAR to codependents, you can only find out how they really by what they do with your vulnerability.

[MollyAnnWymer]

I gave him too much time and spent days consoling him after a DUI. I gave him weekends that I should have spent working and being present for my 18 year old daughter. I gave him meals, patience, energy, belief...everything I should have been giving to myself and my children.

[mr.enigma]

I am guilty of displaying covert narcissistic behavior. It was so covert, I was unaware at what I was even doing.
Being the son of a covert narcissistic mother that manipulated my father for my entire life, it was as if I inherited this behaviorism.

When the circumstances rose, and I was in a relationship with one of the most truly genuine women I had ever come to know, I began almost innately using and abusing her. I'd done to her what my mother did to my father. And she began exposing me for the covert narcissist that I was. Although this abuse was not my intentions, or something I methodically calculated, it may as well have been. The damage was done and I caused it.

Im praying she recovers from this and is able to find true love absent of fear. As well as all victims of this terrible psychological disease. I also pray that I am one day able to find the salvation I need to be a more whole person.

[kgrymp]

I've been so 'lucky' to have had the 'pleasure' of meeting both of these types in my most important relationships!! I was definitely the caretaker and fixer in both. I had lost myself trying to solve and mend their broken selves... I am grateful for the life changing experience and the awakening of the true inner child in me. I have never been happier in my life. I am forever grateful to you. Keep thriving, because 'there is nothing else to do!!' LUV YA!!!!xxx

[BriBri]

Omg! Melanie I absolutely love you. And I’m so happy I found your channel. You’re like a guided angel. You described my mother who I just found was a covert narcissist about a week or so ago, to the T. I am devastated about it. And I’m heartbroken. I just ended my relationship with my overt narcissistic ex two months ago, only to realise my mother was an overt Narc shortly afterward.

I can’t get over how sneaky and manipulative she is. That’s why I didn’t see it before, because she’s very, very sly. She plays “nice” very well. But when her mask slips the nice character she plays is rude, mean and cold. All she’s ever done is blame me for her failures in her life, and as a child I grew up believing her. She gave me a hug over Christmas and I didn’t feel a thing. It felt fake, forced and empty. I decided from that day on to keep a watchful eye on her over the Christmas holidays. Low and behold I started to see the real her. Her mask kept slipping and I couldn’t believe I was trying to please a person who was so evil. Then out of nowhere all the bad memories from my childhood started replaying in my head. The nasty way she used to treat me as a child. Always telling me she hated. Turning her family against me. Ganging up on me with her family. Verbally and physically abusing me. Choosing her boyfriend over me. Everything like a broken jigsaw puzzle suddenly made sense to me. All the pieces of the puzzle that I’d been struggling to piece together, suddenly fit and the picture was a very clear, but hurtful and also frightening one.

She had me feeling so sorry for her. Spending money on her buying gifts. Making me feel like it was my duty to take care of her. Only to turn around and be ungrateful about the things I was doing for her. I can go on and on. But, thank you much Melanie. This video is by far the best breakdown of the overt and covert narcissist that I’ve seen. Since finding out that I’m an Empath and discarding my narcissistic ex, I’ve been very vigilant of people and their actions. I think that’s why I was paying close attention to my mother. I’ve always felt and known there was something “off” about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Because she’s so “fake nice” I couldn’t see it. But occasionally her mask would slip and the real her would reveal itself. One thing I also realised about her is she’s nice infront of people. But behind closed doors when no one is around and it’s just me and her, she was vicious.

The truth of the matter is she’s very angry inside about the way her life turned out. She’s always talking about the things she used to do in her younger days and about all the regrets she has. I think her biggest regret was having me. I also think I remind of her my father and that’s why she hates me so much. But she needn’t worry or scapegoat me to whoever will listen anymore, because I am gone from her life. When I left her house over the Christmas holidays I didn’t even say bye. I packed my things and calmly left. Walking away from my mother was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, because I was so close to her. Once I became an adult she became “fake nice”. And that’s why I’d forgotten about how evil she used to be towards as a child, it’s like I’d been under a spell until her mask slipped and all the memories came flooding back. I was literally shaking, trying so hard not to cry and to hold it together as I was leaving her house. But I had to tell myself she was never a mother to me. And that’s exactly what I used to think as a child, that she wasn’t my mother, and she knew this. I’d literally ask her when my real mother was coming to get me. I’d fantasise and dream of my real mother coming to get me. I believed as a little girl that I was adopted. That’s how cold my mother was towards me. I made sure to delete her name and block her number before I left her home.

These people have bad energy and that’s what gives them away. You have to be really in tune with yourself to suss these horrible, evil, users out. When people speak of those who are “fake nice” it’s the narcissists they’re referring to. The genuinely nice people on this earth are the Empaths.

[Justafan]

I’ve been with my current partner for 15 months and am still trying to decide if he’s a covert narc or if it’s his autism and co-dependency that causes him to behave the way he does.
The good thing is that after being with a narc in the past I will never fully give myself to another so can walk away anytime I like without feeling the huge loss I would have felt in the past. Im a much stronger person these days and that’s the one good thing I took away from my previous narc relationship.
If you ever encounter a narc, don’t ever walk, run! They will destroy your life.