Autistic Meltdowns Vs. Shutdowns

Autistic people often experience meltdowns and/or shutdowns where recovery becomes necessary and spending time away from others is needed.

In this video I'll discuss the differences between meltdowns and shutdowns and how setting boundaries can help decrease the frequency of both. I'll also share strategies for setting boundaries and my favorite resources for learning this skill.

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I'm Tay, a mom of two who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 31. The beginning of my journey was particularly lonely, so I started my channel to help others in similar places by sharing some of my favorite resources, products, and information. I'd love to hear any ideas you have for future videos in the comments!

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Resources

Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend

Nedra Tawwab, Boundary Queen

Hannah Gadsby Interview

Hannah Gadsby Quote
"Once I was diagnosed, I always thought I’d get to the starting line of normal and now I go, “oh, no I won’t” so I’ll just save a lot of energy and avoid that scramble."

Brene Brown Quote

Music by Milky Wayvers

#autism​​​​​​ #autistic​​​ #asd #mentalhealthdx​​​ #diagnosis​​​ #autisticfemale

[ArtyAntics]

I’m a bit confused, a meltdown for me is more than just sensory overload, it’s emotional overload too and involves a lot of crying and screaming. Shutdowns for me are when I go silent/can’t respond, that’s usually sensory overload or overwhelming demands on me. Burnout is when I keep pushing past these cues. My husband has similar patterns except his meltdowns are anger, triggered by a shame response to demands he feels unable to meet. I feel like you described my shutdown as your meltdown and my burnout as your shutdown.

[TRXST.ISSUES]

8:03 “why did I ever feel I was responsible for managing other people’s feelings?” 😯😎

[laurelmentor]

When I shut down, I begin to dissociate from reality, and everything feels very vague and one dimensional. I also disappear into my own fantasy world, and have gone through periods where I can't respond to any emails, texts, and calls, and feel very guilty about it. I think this channel illuminates how important is is to show self compassion in these situations. It is part of healing faster for me.

[roxyamused]

a meltdown for me is an intense emotional reaction after a breaking point. A single thing or instance can cause a meltdown or a series of things or circumstances. It's often sensory but also the sensations of intense emotions. So both can add on to each other like I feel emotionally drained and there's horrible florescent lighting and loud noises. The last time I had a meltdown it was because I felt rushed and then the trains weren't running on time, and there's so many things on my mind too, and it just blows, this time very emotionally. In the past, they were more explosive and angry, but since finding out I'm autistic it's turned more emotional/crying. These cries are like a small child. It's wild. I seriously turn into a small sad crying child. I'm 38 almost 39 lol. I don't mind emotional ones as much, cause it's less destructive and scary. Though angry meltdowns and emotional ones can combine, or it can just be anger meltdowns which can have self harm. I hate them, I tend to be a bit of a mess for the several hours or rest of the day. Meltdowns also cause depression. I also hate the emotional regulation and ruminating thoughts that definitely contribute.

[pharmagoe]

I am having a shutdown now. I guess.
I taught myself how to say no. I am so good at it now. I do not go out often. I love it. I feel like I have a lot of energy whenever I stay at home.
Some people do not understand me though. They want me to socialize and have fun. I've been very honest and would say that I've tried to socialize but I usually end up exhausted and I do not enjoy it at all. Some friends think I do not like them because I do not go with them.
But I usually go with friends who understand me and let me sit and have my coffee alone. Friends who appreciate me going to the event and expect me to be me.
It is having the right people that matters as well.
I hope more people will understand. That we are all different. That having fun is not always about going to parties and meet new friends.

[strpdhatldy]

I have gotten migraines my whole life. I would not have called it a shutdown before, but I think it really has just my body saying, "Enough." I tend to get them more when I am overtired or stressed. I need loads of downtime anyway, though I do enjoy being with other people. Thank you for helping me understand myself better.

[Megan-nkhk]

Saying no has been amazing! No to weddings, baby showers, Tupperware parties. Send a gift if necessary but nope not going.

[robertwarbrick]

Self discovery as a 30+ y/o is such a weird concept, but I totally get what you mean. I think masking has a significant role in this. The preparedness for the what-if-blank happens plus social expectations seem to stunt an autistic individual's sense of self, due to lack of development. A lot of energy can go into presenting as neurotypical. In some cases, It can even lead to impostor syndrome or an identity crisis of adaptability. It is amazing to have a resource like your channel to learn and model a healthier neurodivergent prospective! Thanks!

[nancye]

I don’t have autism but I find your videos so helpful with my anxiety/depression. This one perfectly describes how I have to manage my time and social life. It’s important to give ourselves permission to say no sometimes. Thank you 🙏🏻

[JD-xcfm]

I have A LOT of meltdowns. Recently, I have been experiencing one of my first shutdowns. I’m new to all this, and I’m also a mother of 8. Thank you for your bravery of making these segments.

[texgibson]

Don’t Be Nice, Be Real is one of my all-time favorite books on the value and importance of boundaries and how to set them. Similar sentiments as Brene Brown with “you think you’re doing this, but actually you are doing that”, non-violent communication skill building, how to stay firm against the push back, and how to encourage a culture of direct and honest communication in your relationships. Love love love it.

[chrisboyd]

You have to like and love yourself before you can like and love others. This is a very important lesson to learn, especially for those of us on the spectrum.

[lisaschwegel]

I have recently been looking at myself in the mirror and talking to myself. I have fallen in love with the lady in the mirror, no more negative self talk, if I do, I stop and apologize to myself. I am a visual person so looking myself in the eye, I wrap my arms around myself and we hug and say I love you and forgive you. It's an incredible thing! You can't love others if you don't love yourself, just keep it normal, LOL!

[andreaharmon]

Since being introduced to your channel a few hours ago, I've watched a few of your videos already. I'm on a binge watch of your channel. But of all the autistic channels I relate to you the most, not only as a wife and mom (double bonus) but your experiences and such resonate a lot with me.
I'm a decade or so older and have not been diagnosed. Yet. It's in the works. But your channel really validates me even more that I might actually be on the spectrum.
Thank you for your channel.

[tammyw]

Watched this numerous times, I tear up every time! All my life I have pushed beyond the meltdown, the overload, kept going, auto pilot, kept fawning, until I had nothing left, and got sick....crashed! Feeling safe with myself hits me hard every time! This is huge for me, what a concept, keeping my brain safe! Afterall who else is going to? Just because others think I need to get over it, "fireworks are great", "thunder and lightening is beautiful", NO! Not for me, and that is ok!
Thank you! You have no idea how much your videos are helping me with my diagnosis at 58!

[BriBooth]

I definitely shutdown when I push myself too hard. Especially in my photography work. I have to take weeks off at a time. Sad thing is I keep doing it because photography is one of my special interest

[Fer-De-Lance]

Thanks. I have learned to limit my social interactions. Too much is just too much. I get burned out, I leave.

I try to use my body language and positioning to communicate my boundaries. I really do not like being touched unless it is by a lady where there is mutual interest. And even then it takes time for me to be comfortable.

I rarely see relatives as it is just overwhelming and annoying.

I need my alone time so I can cool off.

[priyajain]

I RELATE so well with you. My migranes have reduced drastically since "boundaries"

[hetty]

I can't thank you enough, this is it. You've described it so well. Really appreciate the shutdown vid especially because you are in such a different mode with expression and tone, I can actually share this with others. It takes a lot of courage to be this raw on the internet, and I want you to know this is incredibly helpful.

[xoxoLeony]

I think I’ve subconsciously always been relatively “selfish” and said no to events all my life. However I do beat myself up for it in my head. I would never talk to a friend or even stranger the way I talk to myself and I know this is super common across the board. It’s truly sad. We need to not only listen to our cues grudgingly but with grace.
Mothering is the main area where for obvious reasons I cannot be selfish and it shows! My husband travels for work and we have no relatives nearby so it’s all on me when he’s gone and then when he returns I usually completely crash and just lay around for a day or two.