Autistic Shutdowns

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[raskalthepup]

It’s so important for non-autistics to understand that just because we’re calmer on the outside does NOT mean we’re calm on the inside.

[JaynaEM]

It's hard when you know they think you're giving them the silent treatment and they keep asking questions

[innerguardianXIII]

Whenever I have a shut down and someone asks me what the problem is, it's like there's a forcefield between the problem, my mind and my mouth.

You're upset because you can't explain how it feels.
You're upset because even if you could explain it, the other person wouldn't/couldn't understand.
You're upset because you don't exactly know what is upsetting you.

[jrobinsondrums]

I've been fired from jobs because of not understanding how to deal with meltdowns and shutdowns, I'd get overwhelmed by a small set of tasks no one else had problems with, and and no one could understand why I was having such a hard time. I totally do the same thing where I feel myself getting overwhelmed and I try to shut myself down before I got meltdown, but it's really hard to do in social or especially professional situations where any explanation of leaving the room or situation is just seen as an excuse to not participate or not to do work

[dimatadore]

This is too reliable. I keep thinking "I'm not on the spectrum, I just have trauma" and every time I watch a video like this it makes me rethink that.

[tragictraveller]

For the longest time I thought that I couldn't possibly be autistic because I associated ASD more with meltdowns, which I rarely experience. It wasn't until I learned about shutdowns that it all started to click... When things become overwhelming and / or overstimulating, I'm far more likely to shutdown than meltdown. I tend to completely withdraw, become "dead to the world" etc. and like you, I tend to do this *before* melting down. I think this is simply a matter of energy conservation. Freaking out explosively is so much work, I don't really understand this response, but I have immense respect for people who experience it.

[riverbanzachamploo]

On of the reasons why it took me so long to realize I was autistic, is because I had more shutdowns then meltdowns. I think the environment you grew up also effects how you deal with being overstimulated. As a kid when I had meltdowns, my parents would just see it as a temper tantrum, so I was punished for it. Which is what led me to having shutdowns instead. But that was also hard because when I had a shutdown or was non-verbal, my parents and siblings just saw it as "the silent treatment". So if it makes sense I had to just suck it up and force myself to talk threw it and pretend everything was fine. Then go to sleep or pretend to go to sleep so I could cope. I think just having no real outlet to let out my bad emotions, and feeling forced to function when I couldn't contributed to my self harm. So having a safe space and a proper protocol when you your having a shutdown is very important. I hope one day to have a good support system so I won't feel the way I did as a kid.

[leenaparsons]

For years, I've been calling these "anxiety attacks" because I am diagnosed with GAD. I only realized what they really were at the beginning of February. There was an instance where my boyfriend (now husband) and I were traveling around an unfamiliar city, and this happened to me in the middle of a crowded subway station. He literally had to take my hand and pull me through the crowds and onto the subway train because I could not speak or move on my own. To others, it may have looked like he was harming me, but it was the best thing he could have done. I can't thank you enough for helping me understand myself.

[Baphome_T]

I live in Germany and one of my classmates has autism, I'm also neurodivergent (not sure if it's adhd or autism) but I mask a lot more than he does.

I wasn't there to witness it but my classmates told me about one occurrence where the principal called the POLICE on him because he was having an AUTISTIC SHUTDOWN!! he didn't even do anything, he wasn't posing a threat he simply didn't respond to anything they did.
Also he was fine, he just ended up leaving to his house bc he wasn't gonna deal with the damn cops.

It's beyond ridiculous and I hate how dangerous it is for neurodivergent people in this society.

[littlewyzard]

my boyfriend and i have developed a pretty good system of communication whenever i am experiencing a shut down. he’ll ask me very simple yes or no questions and i’ll respond to him by squeezing his hand once for yes and twice for no. this lets him ask me if i’m having a shutdown or if he can help me without me needing to put a ton of energy into verbally responding to him. i definitely suggest trying this method with any of your loved ones who don’t know how to help you

[chloe]

one time my bf had forced himself to say something and it was so difficult for him to get a single word out that it really made me realize how intense it was for him. after that, i just give him all the time he needs, and if he really needs to tell me something, ill give him my phone, so he write something out. but i dont force him to do or say anything, just hug real tight, avoid eye contact, and give him time. obviously, that won't work with everyone, but for him, eye contact is overwhelming, but the hugs are really comforting. if i do say anything, it's usually "it's okay, " "im not upset with you, " "You haven't done anything wrong, " which is usually what he's worried about. if i need to move away, I'll explain what im doing and why. after hes moving around a bit more and can talk, then it's onto giving him water and asking if he wants to talk about what happened now or at all. its really nice to know that the things ive been doing are pretty much exactly whats advised and that having those conversations with him was the right thing to do.

[rebekahnewman]

I feel so guilty because I am realizing that in every one of my romantic relationships I end up getting too much of my partner and go into shutdown mode and I never knew how to express my needs when I’m in shutdown. I feel like it’s my fault all of my relationships ended. 😞

[edwardvermillion]

i've spent 58 years thinking i was weak, that i was the only one that felt this way, that it was my fault. you described exactly how i feel and i have no way to process that... thank you.

[strawbearrySmoothie]

I tried going to a night club for the very first time a few years ago with some friends. At some point I remember just getting really anxious and needing to get out. I can't remember what did it, I think I blocked out some parts of that night.

I told my friends I needed to leave and they insisted on coming with me despite me saying no and I felt like I needed to be alone.

I remember feeling anxious from the club, guilty for making them leave, and then breaking down crying and feeling frustrated for crying in front of them and also not understanding why I was crying... Which al just made the crying worse.

🙃

My therapist told me a few months ago that he thinks I'm autistic, and watching this video just made me think of that night so much... Why I reacted the way I did finally makes sense, so thanks for this!

[lexxiloveless]

the feeling of wanting to tear yourself apart being an intense stim response during a meltdown is something i hadnt realized was actually a stim urge. Its so overpowering its hard to make out what is happening.

[Matti_Sisu]

I wish people knew how much energy we put into making everyone else's life calm. Meltdowns for me come from pure exhaustion, shutdowns are basically day to day life. Id be an awesome monk!

[zeusnitch]

I have to shut down every month or two; take some time off work, put my phone on 'do not disturb', and batten down the hatches...play guitar, get into whimsical projects (or whatever suits my mood), as long as it doesn't involve social interactions.
It's not the full-blown shut-down described in this video, but I can definitely relate.

[chetarobuns]

This just happened today. I was making dinner for my wife and my mom and I burned the food. There was smoke smell and the alarm went off. I was juggling things and my mom kept going behind and around me to grab stuff from the fridge(Small kitchen) and I tried to nicely say I needed them to back up but once they see I'm starting to spiral they want to help so they ask me questions and get closer. It takes everything in me to not yell "Just get the fuck away from me!!!" But I can't verbalize what I need in that moment. I just put my hand up in a stop position and say "back, back please". My wife doesn't get offended but my mom does. I can't be touched, talked to or talk when I'm having a shut down.

[jambott]

For me, I find that shutdowns are a response to chronic overwhelming things, whereas meltdowns are a response to acute things. Thats just my experience.

[katieundercover]

i labeled my first ever meltdown as an “anger attack” ………… just now realizing that was a meltdown.