Should the INTJ have Kids?

#intj #introvert #parenting

Why don't more INTJs decide to have kids? Can we explore this from a Type perspective? Also, do we not owe it to the world to try and create more possible INTJs??

My guess is that our Ni tells us that kids are too much Se and we choose to not follow that path because we can't imagine living in a world that is so reactionary.

[ENFPerspectives]

Parenting is a choice to put selfishness aside. I experienced loss of self; it becomes a reward when done well. You get back multifold what you invest. Reading about psycho-social developement, watching for it, testing it, seeing it, enjoying the beauty of it, and lastly, seeing it repeat through offspring is so satisfying. ♡

[otakumomma]

I'm not super old or anything, but I have daughters and I am an INTJ.

I agree with what you said about how our NI looks into our potential future with or without children (amongst other concerns).

As young as 4 yrs old, , my NI had me envisioning the future very far ahead of my life lol like the last humans before the sun explodes (girl, I had no SE connection with anything yet, can't you tell?) But I had seen this future where I was worried about the future generations and their survival. I always knew that I would have children. What I actually was concerned about was finding a true mate for life (Pretty Valid concern)

The biggest issue was that as a child I thought children sucked and were generally too childish on many matters and didn't know how to really just live. My Scrooge-ish mentality towards youth did not mean I wanted to be an older person specifically, but I kinda just wanted to be old enough to not have to be in school or associate myself with the majority.

These "feelings" or whatever lasted until I was about 18 in which I felt my maternal clock go off one day. I also started to realize truly, not just through biology and health classes that kids grow into adults. Yes. Seriously. Before it was a magical thing but I had really started to understand through interacting with children more that if I disliked an adult for being an asshole or what not, there was something happening in childhood that could have solidified his or her asshole-itry.

Fast forward to today, I have 2 beautiful girls and I cringe when I hear that people don't want kids in the numbers I hear nowadays. Before I was the weird one who was known to probably never have or want kids (without telling everyone too). Now I am like an advocate for children. 😅

They are quite awesome but you can't overlook all of the issues that comes with it. It is no walk in the park, but the pride is pretty dope. I feel like I'm supplying humanity with some awesome humans.

The eldest is an ENTP and my youngest is an ESFJ. I've learned way more than I could have imagined and will continue to do so. I would live to open an Orphanage someday...maybe make it like in Death Note, we never really know

Wow typical INTJ fashion...comment long af 😂😊

[Xereszone]

30 years old, single, and have no plans of having kids also because of genetics. As eldest and guardian to my neurodivergent sister, I'm holding on for dear life this is when my mental health hit rock bottom. I don't want to risk passing on my kids that struggle.

[WJT]

As an INTJ who has known I had no desire to become a parent since I was a child myself, I can say that it's a vast amount of reasons. You are onto something with part of one reason being the Se domination of my world, but I can also say that there is nothing about what is proclaimed as the "joys of parenthood" that appeals to me. Much of the moments and aspects that appeals to others, I say it's great for them but even those parts marked as a positive don't appeal to me even in the slightest. The downsides of parenthood (ie, cost, responsibility, and many more) just make parenthood extremely unappealing. As an adult I am working to build a life for myself and a potential partner for us to enjoy, and I don't want to throw that into disarray with a child that forces us to completely rework our lives to bend to it. Also my Ni tells me that with the direction that the world is going, I personally can't feel good about creating an innocent life without its consent and making it exist in a world that might keep getting worse and worse. I also don't feel I owe it to the world, or anyone in particular, to create a baby or raise an entire human being from birth to adulthood. Even if type is passed down genetically, I certainly don't think there's a responsibility to produce more of us. Also as far as passing things down goes, without getting into specifics there are a lot of genetic related things that I certainly wouldn't want to pass down to a child, and likely other emotional issues that could affect how I parent a child regardless. Lastly, I honestly just don't like being around kids at all, in almost any age or stage of their lives. It's not that I hate kids, but that there is little to no enjoyment or benefit I find in spending an extended period of time around them (going back to your earlier point about the overwhelming Se). Even if I thought I would be an amazing parent, along with a partner who would also be amazing, I still would have no desire to raise a child.

None of this is to say that becoming a parent is a terrible mistake by any means, as for many people who want to become parents it is the right choice, it just simply isn't the right choice for me.

[RetroXRicardo]

An interesting take on this INTJ type for parenting! Thanks for sharing to inspire my MBTI channel. Randomly discovered your channel through the YouTube algorithm! 🤟🤟🤟

[yjbxmdl]

I’m a female INTJ living in Korea. I am a person as an INTJ who needs a lot of lone time to myself, reading, studying, working out, doing my hobbies, and etc.
I have an experience to take care of my mother when she had cancer.
I actually did a good job and she recovered well.
But even then, I used to go to the cafe at the hospital to refresh myself from time to time.
Will this be possible though when you become a mother?
I value financial independence and believe women should have a job to have a sustainable dignity no matter what happens in life.
It is extremely difficult to have a career once you have a child in Korea and it feels like a death sentence to myself.
I’ve contemplated on this option throughout my 20s and 30s pretty much daily and am still not attracted to have it.

But from my experience of caregiving, INTJs can be extremely caring and loyal to that special few people. Once we are determined to give love and care to the specific person or a baby, they’ll do it great.

[BrittinayLenhart]

I never wanted to (as you know) until Ryan. It scares TF out of me as an INTJ. Seeing you do it makes me feel better :) interesting take on “an SE world” that makes sense. I am super motherly to my animals, but I also feel i am really selfish with my time. I don’t want to end up regretting having a kid and being one of those parents that hates their life. However our partner has a lot to do with that, which me and you won in that light with our partners. Ya that too many alternatives kills me haha even though we are so good at sifting through things and picking the best avenue compared to other types…still annoying haha. Conserving energy toward what is needed is something we are great at, and I think THAT is what scares me - all my energy will go toward a kid because I need to keep them alive haha and then other things are gonna go to the wayside. But you are right, we gotta make space so knowing this ahead of time will be good for me. You know ill be hitting you up when time comes haha

[JO-ivtl]

When I forced myself to put deep thought into the question why I don't have kids. The answer became it's not up to me at all. It's up to the woman at every step. It's completely outside what I can control and therefore is a waste of time to contemplate any further.
That being said I did adopt my nephew for 5 years. He says I was a good father and others say I did help him I still stand by my original answer and am unswayed.(nephew was an ESFP)

[carolmartha]

Im an intj with entp, i dont feel so drawn to that noise and chaos, im an obgyn with a lot if hobbies, now in my 40s getting a surrogate as pregnancy puts a strain on the human body which i cant deal with and i dont want to have dilated cardiomyopathy

[GoddesssFrequency]

A child is an amalgamation of two peoples pairing and theoretical love child/ passion baby . Why would i put such a precious creature in this world? 😅 I also like planned well thought out decisions

[Ritdidtjtdjtig]

I'm an INTJ and my boyfriend is also an INTJ and I wanna have children with him in the future 😂 and he also agrees having kids after marriage

[breemds]

As an INTJ I used to want kiddos then I realized I could be my own kid!

[helenshianimation]

Lots of people don't want kids nowadays, no matter what your type is.

[Elodie_N_INTJ_Analyzes]

It's possible INTJ are most prone to not wanting kids.
I never felt this desire. But my mind may change change in the future if I find a person I really love and if he really want a kid. It's a big responsibility to take care of another living being/vulnerable creature. I want to be sure to have all the ressources: a stable situation, home with enough space, money.

Also the genetic : there is high chance the child will have neurological conditions, like me and my future partner. Which implies diagnostics and potentially struggles at school with other children and people in life in general. I don't want to create a living being who will may be suffer.
I am also a girl, which implies to have a lots of medical appointments, and weird experiences my the body. I wish to be a seahorse for that ^^.
I like children, they are cute, they instant like me, I have weird connection with them which make me smile.

My nervous system can't stand too much Se, I am quickly overwhelmed when a baby cry, which is very sad. Even if I think I would be an adorable parent, and that I am curious to see the combination of myself and my future partner in the baby/kid, the magic of life. I don't know if having a kid will make me more happy.
First I want to love and take care of another INTJ, I will see if my mind change in the future.

There are persons who prefer have kids, and persons who don't prefer have kids, the more important is to be happy with or without children.
I knew an INTJ (43+ years old) at a job, he is very happy with her partner, both don't want children, which is perfect for them. I know another INTJ who want to have many kids.

[JO-ivtl]

Type isn't directly passed on. It's more of a categorical change of existing materials. In my case I'm an alteration of my mom's personality. The reason INTJ is rare is because there never was a need for very many of us.

[RobynLeigh]

Im an INTJ mother. I never felt clucky nor have had a natural desire to be a mother, but due to logic, i worked out that being a mother would be the best way to change the world. Think about it, if you want to change the world, have heaps of kids and raise them well. Teach them to pay this concept forward. Give it a few generations... And BOOM! World changed... For the better ..i hope😅

[siryoucantdothat]

Futility of the world and things are going down the shit and also kids are another layer of stress on top of things so its very rational to not have them

[stu]

In a way you may have answered your own question in another video where you talked about INTJs not motivated by money. Kids are expensive. If you know in your heart as INTJ you are not motivated by money which is required to raise kids you know in your heart it would not be wise financially to take on the burden. Thats one of my takes I why I never had kids. -INTJ

[YinYangPanda]

Here is a truth about the life of an INTJ:

We don’t appreciate our surroundings at the time we exist through them. Only years later do we look back and realize our focus at the time, though it felt right, becomes a regret later on in life. This is a tragedy of the INTJ.

Is life easier without kids? Yes.
Is it ultimately as fulfilling? No. This doesn’t mean the INTJ who focused on themselves won’t be happy. Just that they likely won’t be _as_ happy as they could have been. But what we don’t know, we don’t know, correct?

ps I have a thing for nostalgia, personally.