How To Stop Taking Things Personally

[jennifercampbell]

This is so spot on. Whenever I get really worked up about something someone said to me, the only way I get out of the rumination / anxiety loop is to remember that no one can invalidate me, I can only invalidate myself. And that anxiety and anger is actually because I am invalidating myself. Only when I accept this do I feel suddenly at peace and empowered. Suddenly I don’t need them to apologize or change or acknowledge what they did, it doesn’t matter. I can always choose to validate and accept myself, no one can take that power away. It’s unbelievably freeing to accept full responsibility for validating yourself.

[t.f.f.e.d.l]

Can we all just please give a million props to this wonderful human being that is Heidi Priebe, I feel like you are saving my life and future relationships with people. I’ve been watching your stuff on repeat for days now, and I’m working on myself like I never thought would be possible, better and more proactive than the 3 sessions of therapy I went to and couldn’t afford

[maraaha]

After three years of therapy, I realised that the reason why I would take personally every word that shows unapproval was to avoid realising that this person does not admire me and my choices. I would be obsessed with their disapproval and overthink it in my head for months. This was to avoid my fear of being insignificant and wrong. And also to avoid my feeling of not feeling seen by this person. Overall I was trying to avoid loneliness and my feelings of inadequacy.

[Brinaweenahwoo]

DA here and I take very little personally, lol! (Positive view of self, negative view of others). I've had to learn that my words and behavior CAN impact others and that they are not always overreacting unreasonably. Sometimes, I need to be more empathetic. I'm learning... 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Jupiter]

Yes, I when I start to feel offended, I have started asking myself "how am I making this about me?" and a follow-up question of "what am I making this mean about me?" In many situations I realize I am feeling invisible and want to be recognized or acknowledged in some way, often that I want sacrifices I have made to be acknowledged so that I don't feel taken advantage of.

[sylviac]

Last year I started to learn to not take things personally. It's been a long, hard journey, and I'm still working on it. Questioning my stories has been very helpful. What you said about some people wanting to take things personally as a way of trying to maintain a connection rather than facing the thought of being forgotten or not mattering to someone...that really resonated with me. That seems to be where I've been more recently. Let the healing journey continue...

[whbbrd]

I'm not sure I've ever gone on a crusade to make others stop being dysregulated (unless I've been doing it on a subconscious level), but I can so relate to getting inflamed and triggered when I see someone's dysregulation being met with comfort and support. It often fills me with a sense of injustice. When I was younger, it was like, "why is that kid's tantrum being answered with a hug and soft words, that's not how it works! Indulgent parents (hmph)!" It was awful, and it would put me in a mood for several minutes, if not longer. I had tons of empathy for children who were screaming because they were injured, but little or no empathy for dysregulated children. And for years, I felt like a monster because I didn't understand the root of my disgust. Thank God that's changed quite a bit over the years. Unfortunately, some of it remains, especially when I see older kids and adults that I know being loved and accepted despite frequent dysregulation. While I can now feel more empathy for the person, on some level, I'm thinking, "It's not fair, I would be left if I acted that way." While it may be a reasonable thought to wonder at what people put up with and why, it's the "not fair!" part that indicates to me that I'm being triggered.

[Perhaps]

You feel like a friend not a therapist. You have an amazing gift!

[dymondstarrillustrations]

I used to not take things personally. Except with the very few who were close to me in the long term. It left me open to being treated poorly in many situations where I needed to show up for myself and speak up. Because, I had the self belief that I needed to be calm, cool and "mature" in most situations. Because "I can handle it." Because I didn't want to be seen as weak.
I also didn't know how to state certain boundaries primarily among friends and it be okay. Or without getting supper upset, for the longest time.
Now... I'm analyzing everything and wanting to argue with everyone …or at least to myself. Working on being grounded and finding the balance by being present with grace.

[nigeld]

These videos are great, and so many truths can only come from someone who's really passionate and invested in what they do. The advice is helpful, but I'm also inspired by the fact that you're totally in flow with your chosen field.

[seemorepoetry]

Such a tangle of triggers. I am on year 5 of trying to understand myself more and there’s still a long way to go. I am better at recognising when the trigger is occurring, I feel it in my body before my thoughts catch up. I have never spent so much time excusing myself to go and pee as a way to re regulate myself. I’ll take people thinking i have bladder issues over the old feelings any day! It’s not about me, love your explanations.

[SusanaXpeaceu]

The solution to so much awkwardness, upset and tension is to take hurtful things less personally. Perfect example of something that is simple but not easy.

[bottlesofchris]

I take things wayyy too personally. My toxic self righteous rule is that I don’t mistreat anyone unless provoked so when someone close to me makes even the slightest tick of annoyance or rudeness towards me I am instantly dysregulated. My boundaries are strong and I’m able to disconnect but I ruminate big time. Confirming to myself that my authenticity and identity are in tact soothes but it takes a while to calm my nervous system and my brain. Your words about allowing others to show up as themselves is helpful. Compassion for myself and the other usually helps get me out of the loop as well.

[ladakoroliuk]

Like even without watching yet 'cause I know it's gonna be epic!

[Pennylover]

Holy shit you are so smart! You just explained something to me that I have been trying to figure out for years. I am in awe of you and your ability to explain concepts.

[pamelacaballero]

1:54 there’s no bad publicity for our mind
3:15 if you are in conflict, you matter immensely
5:00 paranoia
6:14 everyone is meeting their own needs. Whether they love you or hate you has nothing to do with you.
Our worthiness is not linked to what people think of us.
Being perfectly regulated.

[Sariimura]

🔥🔥🔥🔥 binge watching Heidi Priebe’s YT channel is my new hobby. It always hits me out of nowhere and BAM -one more thing to learn to live a great life-. Thank you Heidi!

[shannonwong]

this relates soooo much and it's been freaking hard for me not to take things personally if only to protect myself. I needed to hear this.

[ChrisIanThompson]

Your videos are so on-point for me I feel the need to relisten to them until I have them memorized.

[pamelapap]

You made me cry Heidi when you spoke about developing false relationships with paranoia. Someone I love greatly felt that way and I told this loved one if that’s true does it matter if they are watching you?…you can still live a happy life… this person, I think, felt safe and that they are loved by me. This delusion is gone now. But now realizing this person was that lonely and disregulated really hurts.